You’ve thought about your future a million times.  You thought you had things planned out.  You envisioned a bright future for yourself and let that spark of hope grow inside.  Then, something happened and now it looks like you’re on a very different path than the one you planned.  It feels like your dream was shattered.  You had seen that plan in your minds eye so many times that it’s like a piece of you is missing now.  How do you move forward?

Whether you are going through a difficult break up, didn’t make it into the graduate school program you wanted or have been unable to conceive a baby, the loss of a dream can be devastating.  No matter how hard you try and how carefully you plan, sometimes life throws curveballs that leave you feeling lost, confused and almost like you’ve been gutted.

 It IS Possible to Get Through This

The good news is that things do get better.  People do find peace with those curveballs and find meaning in other areas of their life.  It’s possible to find a new dream, set new goals and begin moving forward again.  Here are three tips that will help you begin to move forward again.

 3 Steps To Take After Deep Disappointment

So, things didn’t work out the way you planned. And not in the little, “it rained when I wanted to go for a walk way.” No, I mean in a big way. You didn’t get into medical school. A serious injury ended your promising athletic career. The person you knew you’d spend the rest of your life with ended the relationship. You just found out your infertility struggles were bigger than you realized and you may never have kids. When the dream that was shattered was this big, what do you do?

Step 1: Acknowledge & Experience Your Emotions

 People often try to hide from negative emotions or cover up disappointment. This can be a dangerous path to take and doesn’t heal the pain that’s festering deep inside. As a friend of mine says, “The only way over it is through it.”  She is right.  Read my post about metaphors using a beach ball and a Chinese finger trap for an explanation of the importance of letting yourself experience your emotion.

Your experience was real. Your dreams were real. And now, the emotions you’re going through are real as well. Hiding from them or shoving them down won’t work forever, so take a moment to let yourself feel that pain, hurt, disappointment or just earth shattering grief. You ARE strong enough to handle those negative emotions and they need to be felt.

Step 2: Radically Accept the Situation

Radically Accept that this is where you find yourself. This doesn’t mean giving up on your dream forever.  Radical Acceptance doesn’t mean liking the way things are. It does mean acknowledging the reality of the moment so that you can cope and find a path forward.

You don’t have to like the situation. In fact, you may never like that this happened to you. But it did. And an important part of healing is to radically, all the way to the bones accept the situation for what it is.

Step 3: Find & Accept Support

Find support as you look for a new path. Reach out to your friends.  Call your parent or sibling.  Reach out to your pastor or spiritual leader. Cry on your spouse’s shoulder.  Most people want to help.  They may not have the perfect words or be able to know exactly what you are going through, but letting other people bear witness to your pain can be incredibly powerful and validating.

Often, when a person’s dreams are shattered they experiencing conflicting emotions including shame. And unfortunately, these emotions may make it hard to accept support. You may be tempted to push away those who care about you. Or maybe you even hold the disappointment so close that you don’t tell many people what you’re going through.

But pain this hard can be difficult to hold onto. And doing it on your own can make so many other things in your life worse. So, let someone else share your burden. Don’t let your shattered dream come between you and your support system, because you need them more now than ever.

Counseling in Columbia, MO

Aspire Counseling is a counseling center located in the Village of Cherry Hill in Columbia, MO with caring therapists who can help you get unstuck and find a new direction.  Our therapists will listen closely and help you sit with your pain and grief as you learn to accept your life as it is in this moment.  We use evidence based counseling methods and believe you deserve to find healing from your pain. Together we’ll identify your values and what can give you meaning again. We’ll walk beside you on your journey as you set a new course for your life.  You don’t have to stay stuck.  If you are looking for that extra support, we are here to help.