Being a parent can be incredibly rewarding. Honestly, I wouldn’t trade my kids for anything. But let’s be honest. It can also be exhausting. And stressful. And all encompassing. You can lose yourself a bit. So, practicing self-care is crucial not only for your own well-being but also for your ability to be present and engaged with your family. You’re a better parent when you are meeting your own basic needs. Here we have some strategies for practicing self-care while also being a parent.

Set Realistic Expectations

It is impossible to be perfect. But, parents often want to have the best possible for their children. We all do it. You see parents on Instagram with their perfect houses, children with perfect ponytails, adorable smiles and doing all these well executed family activities. Where do those parents find the time, energy and money to do all of that? Why aren’t they losing their sh*t under the stress of being so perfect? Surely if they can do it all, you should be able to too, right? So….you try. But you always seem to fall short.

But the truth is, you’re comparing your “real life” to other people’s “highlight reels.” Cognitively, you know other people aren’t posting “everything” on social media. But you don’t see the mess behind the scenes. You don’t see what the cost is of the perfectness you do see. All you see are your own shortcomings.

So, the tip here is to set realistic expectations for yourself, and your family, and don’t be too hard on yourself when things sometimes don’t go as planned. Plan that weekend trip to Branson to go to Silver Dollar City. But when the whole weekend gets rained out? Switch things up and instead go watch Dolly Parton’s Stampede or even just watch a movie with take out Pizza in your hotel room!

Time Management

Schedule some time in for yourself. Even if it’s just a few minutes a day, or longer, schedule it just for you time! This can be anything that makes you happy or helps you relax like taking a minute to journal, draw, or even read a few pages of your favorite book!

I know this one’s hard. As a mom, therapist and business owner myself, trust me, I get it. For me, this time to myself isn’t always something big. In fact, it’s often as small as going by a coffee shop on my way to work. When I’m at our Columbia office, I head by Lakota. When I’m headed to our Lee’s Summit office my favorite is Frost Coffee & Tea (they have 3 different kinds of Chai Latte’s). Sometimes I’m able to head to the A-Frame in Rocheport with a friend or take a weekend trip to Hermann with my husband. But those are bigger self care things. And I can’t work them in regularly. So, I can’t count on those for self care. But I can manage my time enough to prioritize the small things like those little coffee breaks and it makes a huge difference for my stress level!

Ask for Help

Sometimes, it can be daunting to ask for help. You can feel like lesser of a parent, or feel like you should be able to handle it all. But it is absolutely ok to ask for help. Enlist the support of your partner, family members, or even friends when you need it.

I remember when I first had my son, I hated asking for help. Especially from my in laws who still lived in Southern Missouri. They lived three hours away and I felt SO guilty if they had to drive all the way up here. But over the years I’ve come to realize that they loved spending time with the kids. And they like helping us. By asking them for help, I’m giving them the opportunity to have quality time with us.

But there are other times we need to ask for help too. I’ve learned that asking for help at work is critically important too. Just as important as asking for help in parenting. Knowing my boundaries at work and asking for help where I can allows me to have a healthier work/life balance.

Stay Connected with Others

It’s easy to get distracted and neglect your own social connections when you have kids. You get busy, and things slip your mind. But, making sure to stay connected with friends and family can be really great. This can be simply things like hoping on a quick call while running errands, or picking up your kids, or even scheduling a night just go grab dinner! Having those simple things and plans can be really great to stay connected and less isolated.

Set Boundaries

It can be hard to say no to things. But learning to set boundaries and saying no to commitments and things that don’t align with your families needs and values can be important. Make sure to value and protect your time and energy!

Boundaries come in all shapes and sizes. It might mean saying no to a birthday party. It might mean saying no to staying late at work. Boundaries can be set at home with your children or spouse. The important thing is to acknowledge your needs and honor those needs.

Celebrate the Small Wins

Even if it seems silly, celebrating the small things can help to create a happy and positive mindset. This can be for small things like completing a task that you’ve been putting off, or completing other items on your to do list, or even just having a great day with your child!

Celebrations don’t have to be expensive or fancy. They can be small. For my family, sometimes it’s just going to Cosmo park to play on the playground for a bit. Other times, it’s calling a family member to share good news. Or watching an episode of a favorite show (our whole family loves to watch Master Chef Junior together!). The point is to acknowledge the good and positive. To draw attention to good things. Our minds are naturally drawn to the negative. And it’s easy to focus on those things. So make sure that your family are noticing the positive as well.

Practice Self-Compassion

Be kind to yourself. Parenting is hard, and though there are books out there, you can and will still make some mistakes along the way. And that’s ok! It’s important to recognize your efforts, and to forgive yourself for any mistakes.

Years ago I was talking to a group of therapists and we all realized that pretty much all parents mess up their children in some way. I know that’s harsh to say. But no matter how hard we try, there will be something we regret. Some mistake we make. Something that our kid grows up feeling hurt by or some need that wasn’t met. But if we love them, keep the lines of communication open, show them that we’re trying and open to helping them find healing when needed it will be ok.

You’re doing the best you can. And you don’t have to be perfect. You just have to love your child, pay attention to your child and constantly seek to do your best.

Counseling in Missouri

Remember that self-care isn’t selfish. By taking care of yourself, you’re also setting a positive example for your children on the importance of personal well-being, and taking care of your needs as well.

If you notice that you are continuing to struggle, and nothing you seem to do helps, reach out to Aspire Counseling! We here at Aspire Counseling and our therapists pride themselves in being kind, compassionate, and nonjudgmental. We work with those experiencing trauma, depression, anxiety, stress, OCD, Disordered eating and so much more.

We offer counseling services online to anyone within the state of Missouri, and at our Lee’s Summit and Columbia MO office. You can simply go online and fill out our contact form, and one of our amazing Client Care Team will reach out to you.

Aspire Counseling understands how difficult it can be to be a parent, but you don’t have to struggle alone, reach out today for your free 30-minute consultation, and let us help you on your mental health journey.