Expressing gratitude doesn’t always come naturally.  In fact, sometimes it’s flat out hard.

My second pregnancy was no walk in the park.  I was uncomfortable, grumpy, sick and I felt completely useless.  I was too tired to do all of the fun activities I used to do with my son and had to be careful not to overdo things at work. As my pregnancy progressed I realized that my mood was getting worse and worse.  I was feeling frustrated easily and even my favorite coworkers suddenly felt annoyingly incompetent.  My brain was focusing on the tiger in the jungle (if you’re confused by this reference, take a moment to read my last post) when in fact there were no tigers in sight…only people doing their best each and every day.

I decided to pull out an old trick that my mom taught me years ago when I had my first supervisory position.  I wrote out a list of every coworker who I regularly worked with.  Most of these had heard my recent complaints and had received much fewer compliments than they were used to.  To be honest, I imagine most of them were sick of me by this point. I then took out my calendar and hand wrote every single name from that list on one day over the next few weeks. When their day came up, I wrote that coworker a thank you note.

Something amazing happened…I realized that even the coworkers I had felt most frustrated with were doing so many wonderful things I hadn’t even noticed in the midst of my frustration. There literally wasn’t a single person from my list that I had difficulty writing a heartfelt thank you note to!  As I sat there writing, positive memories came flooding to my mind.  I smiled as I wrote and usually felt frustrated that there wasn’t more space! I just felt happy writing these!

Another amazing thing happened.  As I blushingly passed out these notes (let’s be honest, it felt awkward to hand them out in the middle of the day), I began to feel connected to my coworkers again. We felt more like a team, the way things were before I became so darn grumpy.  People appreciated the cards and I couldn’t help but notice that some people kept them tucked away in their workspace.  It felt good to know I’d expressed my gratitude and I began to enjoy work more as my relationships improved.

Expressing Your Gratitude

Focusing your mind on the positives can have all kinds of positive effects on your own mental health, but expressing your gratitude goes one step further. When you start to show people that you are notice and appreciate them your relationships will begin to improve.  Sometimes (like during my pregnancy) this doesn’t come naturally and we have to be thoughtful about how we express gratitude to others.  Here are some ideas about ways you can show your gratitude to friends, family, coworkers or others in your own life.

Thank You Notes

These are an oldie but goodie. Try writing a thank you note to someone you are irritated with. It’s amazing how thinking of their positive traits that you appreciate can change how you interact with them the next time you see that person!  Of course, it’s also nice to write thank you notes to someone you already feel appreciative toward.

People often associate thank you notes with the “chore” of sending out little notes after Christmas, a wedding, a baby shower, etc.  But truth be told, thank you notes are so much more meaningful when they’re given after little things or even out of nowhere!  I am not even advocating writing thank you notes after holidays if you tend to resent that.  For my own kids Christmas gifts (thanks to the suggestion of a mentor of mind) I usually just text family members a picture of them using a gift and say how much they’ve enjoyed it.  I save Thank You notes for when I either feel inspired or want to feel inspired.  Thus, writing Thank You notes is always associated with positive feelings of warmth, joy, thankfulness and sometimes even a little element of humor as I think of positive memories!

Send a Text

NOW would be a great time to try this technique!  Open up your phone and send a quick text message to three people you are grateful for.  It can be simple like, “Thank you for being such a great friend,” or “Thank you for getting together last week!”  This not only leaves you with a smile on your face and hopefully makes someone else smile, but often this one will result in a return text.  Whether it’s a thumbs up or some heartfelt words said on the other end, the quick acknowledgement from the other person feels good.  Now some people will be busy when they receive your message and take awhile to respond.  Other people aren’t used to the compliments and may blush and not know what to say in response.  Don’t worry, they still appreciate your thoughtfulness.  This is also why you send it to several (read: at least three!) people.  Chances are high that at least one person will respond in some way to your message.

Take Someone to Coffee or Dinner

Think of someone you feel grateful for and reach out to find a time to express your gratitude.  Depending on your schedule and budget, you may take them out to coffee, make the a home cooked meal or take them out to dinner.  You’ll have a great time and it’s the perfect chance to tell them in person how much you appreciate them.  People love hearing about the positive role they played in your life.  Your words don’t need to be flowery.  A simple thank you for…. will usually do.  Best of all, this time you spend together will add another positive experience to your memory bank!

Express Gratitude in Their Love Language

Any positive message, including a “Thank You” is going to leave a bigger impact if you express it in that person’s individual love language.  It can be hard to determine another person’s love language, but if you get it right you can get more “bang for your buck” in the thank you department.  For instance, if a person values quality time you can offer to have a girls night or attend a sporting event together as a thank you.  If their love language is words of affirmation a profuse Thank You over the phone, text or in person will be meaningful.  If the other is an acts of service type person, helping them move, watching their dog while they are out of town or making them a homemade meal when they are sick are all great ways to show them how much they mean to you.  An idea for a “gifts” person would be purchasing a small nick knack you think they’d like to show you were thinking of them and appreciating them for no reason at all.  On the other hand, a physical touch person will feel touched (yes, pun intended) by a long thank you hug.

Help Through Therapy

Sometimes, all of this is harder than other times.  But you don’t have to struggle alone. If you live in the Mid Missouri area and are struggling to find a sense of Gratitude, consider reaching out to Aspire Counseling.  You can call us at 573-328-2288 and we would love to talk about how counseling might help you find your sense of hope, purpose and meaning again.

About The Author

Jessica is the founder of Aspire Counseling in Columbia, MO. She is an advocate of expressing gratitude and often talks about the concepts of thankfulness and gratitude in individual sessions with clients. Jessica specializes in treating people who feel stuck in the past and held back by the negative experiences they’ve endured. Jessica believes in the healing power of therapy and formed Aspire Counseling in May 2017. Aspire Counseling specializes in treating trauma, anxiety, grief and overwhelming stress through counseling for adults, college students & teenagers. If you live in the Columbia, MO area and would like to talk to someone about how counseling might help you move beyond surviving and toward thriving, please contact Aspire Counseling by e-mail or by calling 573-328-2288.  You don’t have to stay stuck.   Healing starts here.