Let’s say that today was the absolute perfect day.  Anything that could go your way did.  You wore your favorite outfit. Work (or school) went exceptionally well with someone even commenting on how they’ve noticed all of your hard work. Several friends and family members reached out via social media, text message or phone call. You got to eat dinner with good friends at your favorite restaurant.  Then…on the way home from dinner you were in a car accident.  Nobody was injured seriously but your car is totaled.  It was too late to do much about it tonight, but you know that tomorrow will be full of dealing with the insurance company, making arrangements for a rental car and who knows what else.

What do you focus on as you go to bed tonight?  Is it all of the wonderful things that happened earlier in the day?  Of course not. You are focused on the car accident.  This is normal.  It’s what our brains do.  They focus on the negative….  That is what makes this concept of Gratitude so darn difficult.

Focusing on the Negative has a Biological Basis

Focusing on the negative can be really detrimental to your mental health, relationships and overall sense of well being.  So why do we do it?  Why didn’t we think of all that great time spent connecting with loved ones as we fell asleep in the above situation?  Well…there’s a good reason…it’s just outdated.

Imagine now that you lived many years ago and were gathering fruit in a jungle.  It was a beautiful day with great weather.  But in the distance you notice a tiger approaching.  Why is it important in this situation that you focus on the only negative in the entire environment?  So you aren’t consumed by the tiger!!!  It is critically important that you stop paying attention to the weather, the hunt for food or really anything other than getting to safety.  Our brains are hard wired to look for the danger.  They’re supposed to hone in on the negative and quickly move into fight or flight.  Thank goodness for this!  However…in our day to day lives it’s often less than helpful to focus on the negative and can in fact impeded our ability to find joy and happiness.

So…Can I Train my Brain to Focus on the Positive?

We have to teach ourselves to focus on things we’re grateful for.  And no, this doesn’t just mean sharing what we’re thankful for once a year on Thanksgiving Day.  It means on a day to day basis purposefully focusing our mind on the positive things in our life.  Here are few ideas for incorporating a focus on the positives into your own day to day life November and/or throughout the year.

Social Media: Publicly Proclaim Gratitude on Twitter or Snapchat

I have always loved the trend (now feeling less common) where people tweet or post one thing per day throughout the month of November they are grateful for.  Truly thought this could be done any month.  Posting something you are thankful for regularly on Social Media is great because it’s a public proclamation.  If other’s comment on your post and it generates positive conversation all the better!  If you make a public commitment to regularly (for instance daily for a month) post something positive it also gives you a bit of accountability which may be the shove you need to make this a regular practice.  Who knows? Something you say may even inspire someone else to do the same or at least to reflect for a moment on what they are grateful for themselves.

Gratitude Journal

Gratitude journals are a great way to practice focusing the mind on things you are thankful for on a daily basis.  Typical gratitude journals include recording a few things each day that you are grateful for.  I usually tell clients to aim for at least three per day, but there are benefits to even thinking of one thing per day you are thankful for.  I used to keep one on a daily basis and would typically fill the majority of the page.  Now, I just write in a journal sporadically when I need a little boost of positive emotions.  Gratitude Journals have the added benefit that you can look back through all of the positive things you’ve identified whenever you are feeling a little down.

Options for keeping a gratitude journal include a standard gratitude journal that you can buy (just search “gratitude journal” on Amazon), an app (I love that there are several apps for this, some that include taking pictures as you encounter positive things) or even just writing on the pages of a blank journal.  The options are endless and all can have a positive impact on your mental health!

Gratitude Jar

I have used these when we’ve done self care workshops in the past and right now we have a couple sitting our for clients to contribute to in our office.  A gratitude jar is just a container that you can put strips of paper inside whenever you think of something you are grateful for that you want to add.  It can be daily or sporadic.  Like the journal, this has the benefit of being something you can look through when you feel depressed or particularly negative.

Turkey On The Table

My own family started a cool new tradition this year.  While walking through Michael’s craft store in October we stumbled upon this “Turkey on the Table.”  Each night throughout November each member of our family identifies one thing we are thankful for and we write it on one of the “feathers.”  The turkey starts out pretty bald and boring, but by Thanksgiving Day will be covered in all our gratitude.  It’s fun to hear what each family member says and so far it has generated a lot of positive discussions!

Support

Sometimes, it’s hard to feel grateful. And all of this focus on gratitude may leave you feeling worse than ever. Please know that this can be a sign of depression, not a sign you are doing wrong. If you are struggling to find a sense of Gratitude and feeling particularly depressed this holiday season and all this talk about gratitude, consider reaching out to a therapist for support. If you live in Missouri, our therapists at Aspire Counseling would be happy to help.  Our therapists each bring their own unique training and expertise to the table but all are trained in at least one evidence based counseling method, because we believe you deserve counseling that works. Our therapists offer help for depression, anxiety, grief, trauma and general stress. Our therapists offer mental health support to individuals age 10 through retirement and offer an LGBTQ+ affirming space. You can call us at 573-328-2288 or reach out online. Counseling truly can help you find your sense of hope, purpose and meaning again.

About The Author

Jessica is the founder of Aspire Counseling in Columbia, MO. She is an advocate of expressing gratitude and often talks about the concepts of thankfulness and gratitude in individual sessions with clients. Jessica specializes in treating people who feel stuck in the past and held back by the negative experiences they’ve endured. Jessica believes in the healing power of counseling and formed Aspire Counseling in May 2017. Aspire Counseling specializes in treating trauma, anxiety, grief and overwhelming stress through counseling for adults, college students & teenagers. If you live in the Columbia, MO area and would like to talk to someone about how counseling might help you move beyond surviving and toward thriving, please contact Aspire Counseling by e-mail or by calling 573-328-2288.  You don’t have to stay stuck.   Healing starts here.