Have you heard that EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) uses something called the “butterfly hug” technique in therapy and wondered what that means? Or are you looking for a simple way to calm and ground yourself when things start feeling really overwhelming? Here we discuss what the Butterfly Hug technique is and how it can help you regain calmness and tranquility during stressful moments.

What is EMDR?

EMDR is an evidence-based psychotherapy intervention that equips people with the skill set to think about the most stressful parts of their lives in a less distressing way.  It’s most often described as a therapy for trauma survivors, but truthfully clinicians have used it with a variety of people  who may or may not consider themselves “trauma survivors” but are feeling stuck in some way. The goal of EMDR is to assist people in adjusting their thought processes so that their trauma (or anxiety or whatever is keeping them “stuck”) loses its ability to generate disordered ways of thinking and reacting.

EMDR incorporates work on the past, the present, and the future, helping patients to use effective strategies that help them adopt healthier ways of thinking. There are eight stages to the EMDR process: taking a history, preparation of the patient, assessment of the patient, the desensitization process, the installation process, the body scan technique, achieving closure and treatment assessment, and evaluation.

What is the Butterfly Hug Technique?

The Butterfly Hug technique is a simple, bi-lateral tapping motion that is often used by EMDR therapists. Essentially you’re tapping either side of your shoulders. The theory behind the Butterfly Hug is that by using bi-lateral stimulation (BLS), you are activating the entire brain. This has the effect of stimulating the brain to file memories differently, usually in a more helpful way. Through using BLS throughout the 8 phases of EMDR, many trauma survivors find that the negative emotions that surround the events they've lived through beginning to be replaced by healthier, more positive emotions. But honestly, this technique can be helpful for anyone in times of big stress or anxiety It can really be used in two ways:

As BLS During Resourcing

In EMDR, resourcing is one of the first things you do in therapy. During this stage of EMDR, you’re identifying specific coping skills that can help you cope with moments of high stress or anxiety.  Then you “instill” these resources using bilateral tapping. This is used early in the EMDR process to bring out positive emotions such as improved calmness, tranquility, or positivity.  The goal is that you’ll learn to use these specific coping skills to bring you back in the “window of tolerance.”

When using the Butterfly Hug for resourcing, you’ll generally focus on something calming, empowering or that otherwise brings out a positive emotion and then briefly tap on alternating sides of your shoulder using the butterfly hug technique. 

When you attend therapy, you’ll identify specific resources that you want to “tap in” during your counseling session. Generally, I help clients identify something specific they want to use as a “resources” (generally a memory or an image) and then we practice envisioning that while “tapping” with the Butterfly Hug technique during session. Then, throughout the week the client uses that same memory/image/resource and “taps it in” on their own throughout the week as needed to bring more calm/peace.

If you’re trying to use the Butterfly Hug technique as a resource or any form of BLS with resourcing on your own, I highly recommend the book “Tapping In” by Laurel Parnell.

As BLS During Desensitization/Installation

In addition, the Butterfly Hug can be used to provide bilateral stimulation during the later stages of therapy, particularly when treatment sessions are conducted virtually. Traditionally, EMDR later stages of treatment (such as desensitization and installation) has been done in person with other forms of bilateral stimulation. For example, the therapist moving their fingers back and forth, "buzzies" (handheld items that provide a buzzing sensation) or a light bar where your eyes following a light from side to side. During the pandemic, I began having clients use bilateral tapping with the Butterfly technique during virtual counseling sessions and found that this form of BLS achieved a similar effect. We have other forms of BLS we can use during later stages of remote therapy such as the client tapping alternating knees, looking between corners of a room or following a light on a computer screen. However, over the lats couple of years I’ve found that a majority of my clients seem to prefer using the Butterfly Hug technique for their BLS throughout our EMDR work.

As a Self Care Technique in Times of Stress

I recently attended a fantastic conference where much of the focus was on acute stress. Several great speakers spoke about helping first responders, helpers and just humans experiencing stress have tools to cope and heal.

One of my favorite speakers spoke about how to use the Butterfly Hug for acute stress as a self care technique at home. Below is a video. I highly recommend trying this at home after a stressful day.

Please note at the end of the video Dr. Jarero does say that if your SUDS are going up or not coming down, please contact a mental health professional. If you work with a therapist already, make sure to mention you’re using this in your next session and talk through how you’re responding. We’d love to help you make use of this great technique.

How to Use the Butterfly Hug

To perform the Butterfly Hug, you should first find a quiet place where you can calm yourself undisturbed. Once you're is sitting down, comfortably and safely, you should try if possible to focus on a positive "resource." If you’re working with an EMDR therapist you should have chosen specific resources to focus on such as a peaceful place, a container you can place distressing thoughts in, a comforting figure in your life or a positive phrase. If you don't have a list of resources yet, consider just focusing on a positive affirmation.

Make sure that your eyes are either fully, or partially closed. If you choose to have your eyes partially closed, your focus should be towards the end of your nose. Your eyes should generally remain closed for the duration of your tapping.

Keeping the positive resource or affirmation to the forefront of your mind, cross your hands over your chest, palms facing the chest, and middle finger pointing directly upward at the halfway point of your collarbone (clavicle) between the shoulder and breast bone (sternum).  Your palms should be spread out on the chest wall, with fingers pointing upwards rather than across the chest wall. Tap your body with the palms of your hands, using a frequency and force that's right for you - some people gain greater relief from unpleasant emotions when they tap faster and/or more forcefully, others respond better to a slow, gentle tapping.  At the same time, focus on your positive statement and on taking long, slow, deep breaths. 

Most people find that after completing this rhythmical movement, they begin to feel less anxious or frightened, enabling them to regain their composure. I generally recommend only tapping 5-10 times per side before taking a break to take a deep breath and then continuing again. If you go for longer there’s a chance your brain could slip into “processing” where you’re thinking of more disturbing things that you likely don’t want to explore on your own. But, these short episodes of “tapping in” the positive resource or phrase tends to be a powerful way to help people start to calm down in moments of distress. 

Gentle, Versatile, Customizable

Because the Butterfly Hug can be tailored to meet your individual requirements, many people find it of considerable benefit. You can use the Butterfly Hug technique to assist in managing negative emotions at any time, and in many different circumstances. 

Even if you've only got a few moments and need a way to ground yourself and reset, a Butterfly Hug, along with positive affirmations and/or picturing a positive resource/image/memory/thought can make a positive difference, helping you to achieve better mental wellbeing.

When can I use the Butterfly Hug Technique?

The Butterfly Hug is used as part of EMDR therapy, as it can help people to recollect their trauma without attaching the negative emotions to it that are adversely affecting their current well-being. Therapists frequently recommend that patients use the Butterfly Hug technique during therapy sessions. It works particularly well during sessions that are held remotely, as it's easy to learn, effective, and doesn't require any specialist tools or input from a second person.

Outside of a therapy session, the Butterfly Hug is used when patients are triggered by a particular situation. Many people experience powerful negative emotions when triggered by a sight, sound, smell, or similar that reminds them of their previous trauma.  Using the Butterfly Hug alongside other positive mental health techniques (such as observing thoughts without judgment, for example) can help people to gradually change their unhelpful thought patterns and responses to past trauma. It can be used whenever a patient feels overwhelmed or has had a flashback to traumatic events that have triggered negative, damaging emotions.

Can I Only use the Butterfly Hug Technique as part of EMDR?

Not necessarily. The Butterfly Hug is an evidence-based intervention that is taught as part of EMDR therapy, along with a variety of other techniques that have been shown to assist patients in adopting more beneficial thought processes. It is particularly useful for patients completing EMDR therapy remotely, due to its simplicity and versatility. However, if you’re going to try to use this without the support of a therapist, I’ll reiterate that I do suggest purchasing and reading the book “Tapping In” by Laurel Parnell as it goes into a lot more detail about how to use the resourcing techniques taught in EMDR as part of your own personal practice..  

The Butterfly Hug is Just One Tool in Your Toolbox

If you find the Butterfly Hug of value when you are feeling ungrounded or experiencing a negative emotion, it can be an important part of your emotional regulation toolkit. Many people "mix and match" coping techniques and tools to come up with their own unique way of managing unhelpful emotions effectively. You may find the butterfly hug used alongside an affirmation, belly breathing, grounding rocks (link to grounding rocks blog), DEARMAN to ask for support (link to DEARMAN blog) and progressive muscle relaxation at night all fit together for your personal “emotion regulation toolbox.”  It’s a matter of trying different coping strategies at different times to see what works the best for you when.

Mental Health Support for Anxiety, Trauma & More in Missouri

At Aspire Counseling, we believe you deserve to get unstuck from the pains of your past. We know that feeling “stuck” in the past holds you back and prevents you from being the best version of yourself. And the world deserves for you to be the best version of yourself. More importantly, YOU deserve to find healing and feel whole. YOU deserve to feel like you’re moving toward your goals and are the best version of yourself.  Because we believe you deserve this kind of wholeness, our counselors and therapists offer evidence based counseling. This means, our counselors take the best available evidence about what kind of counseling really works and combine that with their own professional experience to meet you right where you are and help you reach your unique goals.

We know how difficult of a decision it is to invest in yourself by participating in counseling. But I also know from experience that if you’re reading this trying to decide if you should take that next step to call, you’re already missing out on so much. How much is it costing you to keep going on your own like you’ve been doing? How much life are you losing by not jumping in and starting therapy?

If you’re ready to get free from depression , conquer anxiety, treat your ptsd or just get unstuck so you can move forward with your life, get in touch with the compassionate, professional team at Aspire Counseling. We also understand that you may have common questions about EMDR in the Kansas City, MO area, or other related counseling questions, and we’re here to help! Our team is here to provide answers and guide you through the process, ensuring you feel informed and comfortable as you embark on your journey to healing, and feeling unstuck.

About the Author

Jessica Tappana is the founder and director of Aspire Counseling. She is passionate about offering high quality trauma therapy services and makes sure that all Aspire Counseling therapists are trained in at least one evidence based psychotherapy technique for PTSD. She is EMDR trained herself and uses it to help clients every single week.