Tips for Talking to Family and Friends About COVID-19
We’ve all been affected by the COVID-19 pandemic in one way or another. Loss of income, fear, isolation, and grief are triggering mental health issues or aggravating already existing problems. But another issue for many has been how to communicate with family or close friends who may be impacted in different ways. Or, family members who are approaching the pandemic differently than you have. In fact, COVID has been a concern even in many marriages as spouses have differed in their feelings about vaccines, the precautions they feel are most appropriate for their family, or how to best educate their child in the midst of a pandemic.
COVID Family Tensions are Higher than Ever
The development of the Covid-19 vaccines theoretically should have led to lower tensions. As many studies have proven their efficacy, the hope was that most adults would get vaccinated and that by now, COVID would mostly be a memory. However, many people are choosing not to get the vaccine for many different reasons. And, new variants have become more rampant. Now, there are renewed debates about wearing masks or following other public health protocols such as social distancing, wearing face masks and shields, sanitizing, etc.
So, how do you talk to friends or family members, especially those who have different beliefs? How do you express your concerns and anxieties related to COVID-19 without upsetting or offending the other party? Below are some helpful tips:
Listen Intently and Don't Judge
Listening intently is an act of empathy. This is because you are trying to view the world through another person's eyes. You can't fully understand them when you start judging them as they're talking. Judging someone simply because he has different beliefs could dampen the conversation because you may send subtle nonverbal cues that you have an opinion or don't agree with what they're saying. If you want to understand where they're coming from and why they have different beliefs about COVID-19, you have to listen intently. Find out why they have a completely different opinion than you. Perhaps they read an article, saw a video, or have spoken to someone who has convinced them about what they believe now.
Seek to really understand where they’re coming from. When you understand what’s underneath this difference you can address that and see if there is any “middle ground” you can come to. For example, if one friend doesn’t think masks are needed at this point in the pandemic and the other doesn’t want to visit anyone not wearing a mask, it’s a great time to try to understand what’s contributing to the other person’s views. If the friend doesn’t want to wear masks because they rely heavily on reading facial expressions and the other friend has a family member they are really worried about getting ill, respecting each person’s concerns may allow you to find a middle ground such as meeting for a Zoom coffee date instead or getting together outside where the risk of spreading is lower.
If it feels right, consider saying things like, "I understand where you're coming from" or "I see what you mean." Also, consider restating or summarizing what the other person has said are the reasons for their opinion. This allows them to feel heard and to confirm that you are really hearing what they’re saying before you respond to the actual content.
Consider Asking Permission
Consider asking the other person’s permission to discuss these sensitive topics. Of course, if they say “no” it might be the end of your conversation and may impact how you choose to interact with them. At that point you can also ask when would be a better time to revisit the conversation. But asking permission gives them some feeling of control over these stressful discussions and gives them a moment to prepare for the conversation before it really starts.
For example, if you have some evidence that you think can change their mind about a topic, ask permission if it's okay to discuss it with them. Perhaps say, "Can I share with you the reasons that I’m choosing to ______?” Or, “I read a really powerful article about this topic from ______ yesterday. Do you mind if I send it to you?”
This shows a lot of respect for the other person as an individual regardless your differences right now.
When speaking, avoid showing them that you're right and they're wrong. As much as possible, be calm and speak naturally. Then ask them what they think about your thoughts and if they have questions.
Remember, you don't have to argue about anyone when it comes to COVID-19. You have to understand where they're coming from. Also, ensure that you are fully present in the conversation. Clear your mind, turn off your phone or turn away from the monitor if you're talking on the phone. If you're distracted, the other person can see that somehow. They may think that you're not listening when you're busy with someone else, so make sure that you are fully present.
Listen to & Explore Their Concerns
Listening intently to another person can help, but it's also better when you listen with the intent to explore their thoughts. You can do this by asking open-ended questions. When they tell you that wearing face masks isn't necessary or don't believe in the vaccine, ask why they think so.
And again, try not to sound judgmental when talking to them. Never argue with them about COVID-19; instead, ask them to talk more because they might have other concerns or issues.
Make sure that you use body language when listening to them. Show them that you are listening by nodding and by making eye contact. Never interrupt them while they're still talking. Although you have very strong opinions about their beliefs, stop yourself from disagreeing with them. Let them finish first and then calmly talk about your concerns too. Ask if they also understand where you're coming from and if they have questions for you.
Enlighten Them About Getting Vaccinated or Other Issues Gently
People who have strong opinions about the COVID-19 vaccine may dismiss you right away when you try to change their minds. Avoid being argumentative if you want them to believe in you. Instead, listen intently and show them that you understand their concerns. They will start to trust you fully and listen to you if they know that you genuinely care about their thoughts or opinions.
Then, speak directly to the concerns they’ve mentioned. Right now, vaccines are the most “hot button” issue, so let’s talk about how to discuss COVID vaccinations with friends and family specifically specifically. You can then help them find a reason why they need to get vaccinated. Start by sharing why you decided to get the vaccine or implemented health protocols. Tell them that it's not just about protecting yourself but also protecting your loved ones. You may start talking about their parents or those high-risk people that are associated with them and why they need to be protected. When sharing important information with them, ensure that they are from reputable sources such as the CDC or the World Health Organization.
Don't Just Avoid Talking to Them Altogether
You may not be able to change their minds right away and that can be upsetting. However, if the relationship is important to you try to keep the lines of communication open. It's possible to maintain positive relationships with them when you continue to communicate. If there are things you think will enlighten them, let them know and ask about their thoughts regularly. If you disagree with them, describe understand why. As much as possible, please encourage them to keep learning about COVID-19 and to get their information from reliable sources.
The loss of relationships is a great tragedy of this pandemic that we rarely hear discussed in the news. But it is a tragedy for this one issue to come between people who otherwise care about one another. Of course, if your disagreement lies with someone you aren’t otherwise heavily invested in, that is one thing. But if it’s with someone who you otherwise would feel close to, find creative ways to keep the lines of communication open and to maintain those relationships.
Do You Need Additional Help? Our Therapists Are Here For You
It can be challenging to talk to someone about COVID-19, especially when they are very skeptical about it or stubborn. And it’s normal to experience a wide range of emotions on this topic. If you think it's affecting you emotionally or you feel like your relationships are really suffering, we encourage you to seek professional help. At Aspire Counseling, we are a team of mental health professionals committed and dedicated to assisting families in coping with COVID-19. Further, we are here to support you in navigating all mental health concerns including those related to family conflict or general anxiety surrounding COVID-19.
Therapy Services in Columbia, MO and Online in Missouri
Our therapists are happy to offer free consultations. We understand how frustrating and stressful it can be when you're stuck and don't know what to do or go about a problem. Talk to us so we can assist. An anxiety therapist in Columbia, MO is ready to talk with you about all of your COVID-19 concerns. Through anxiety therapy, depression therapy, grief counseling , or other therapies, we can help you overcome what is troubling you.
However, please keep in mind that we do take precautions in our office. We observe health protocols recommended by the CDC. We do offer online counseling to anyone in the state of Missouri. You can always talk to us in person or online if that's more convenient for you. Contact us today for an appointment.
Additional Blog Posts
Our therapists blog frequently about COVID-19, current events, and helpful tips to cope with your mental illnesses. You can find an extensive list here! For some other blog posts related to COVID-19, consider reading the ones below!
The New Normal Post Coronavirus
Social Distancing Does NOT Have To Mean Social Isolation: Staying Connected In The Midst Of COVID 19
Winter 2020: Coping with Covid-19
Balancing Life & Work In The Midst Of The Coronavirus
It’s Ok To Be Angry Right Now.