College Students & COVID-19: How to Handle Disappointment of a Lost College Experience
College can be one of the most exciting times of your life. Unfortunately due to COVID-19, many of our college experiences have been ripped away from us, at least that is what it feels like. Whether that is living in your fraternity or sorority house, going to planned events like the homecoming parade and football game, or even just living the true college experience and walking to your in-person classes. When the coronavirus came into our lives early in 2020, many people felt a loss structure in their lives, but especially college students. Most students living on campus were kicked out and forced to move back to their hometown, with their parents. And there’s no doubt this has caused some mixed emotions. On one hand, parents can be useful (anyone out there have a parent doing their laundry or cooking for them again?). But, well, they can also be parents. And living with them this year just wasn’t part of the plan.
The truth is, you’re grieving
We most often talk about grief when we’re talking about someone dying. But grief is an emotion you can feel anytime you lose something. And right now? Well, you’ve lost a lot. Lost independence. Loss of experience. Loss of time spent with friends. Essentially, you’re grieving the college experience you’ve always looked forward to.
Moving back home can feel defeating
With moving back home, also comes less social experiences, along with more rules from your parents which equates to less freedom. As a student, you will need to understand a couple of things regarding COVID-19 and college at the same time. The first being that all of these missed experiences will still be here when Covid is gone, which seems even more promising now that vaccines are available. The second thing to realize is that living with your parents is not the end of the world, though it may feel like it. Once campus and college life can return to normal, these experiences will feel even more worth the wait, since we have been waiting on them for almost a year now.
Tip #1: Set boundaries
As most students figured out, living with their parents was not always the most pleasant thing. By many accounts, it sounds like some parents seemed to forget their child was still an active college student. They would try to delegate babysitting duties to their older children just because they were at home and it was convenient. Perhaps you parents have asked you to run errands, cook and do the dishes. Essentially, they want things to go back to how they were when you were in high school students.
Honestly, many students have found it difficult to say no to their parents requests. Or they aren’t sure how to explain to their parents that they are still in classes, even though they are not physically on campus. In order to work around this, students and parents need to set boundaries with each other. Along with communicating with their parents when they are feeling overwhelmed with having to help out around the house so often. These boundaries could be as simple as setting certain times to leave the student alone and let them complete their work as if it were a 9-5 job and then have them help out when they are finished for the day.
Tip #2: Set up video calls with the people you are missing
Another disappointing factor about being a college student during these extraordinary times is seeing your friends less, along with family if you continue to live in your college town and don’t want to get your family sick. In order to cope with missing people, video chat them! As we all figured out very quickly in the spring of 2020, video chat was how most people communicated with others that do not live in their household. Zoom seemed to be the most commonly used platform, along with facetime and other cell phone apps to connect with anyone, practically anywhere in the world. Many people used these calls to catch up, hang out and even play games with the person on the other end of the screen.
Tip #3: Accumulate Positive Experiences
So many of the fun things you thought you’d be doing this year just aren’t happening. Things are cancelled. Or you decide to forgo things as a safety precaution. Or they look very, very different form usual. But that doesn’t mean ALL positive experiences fly out the window.
In DBT (one of the types of therapy our therapists offer), they talk encourage people to build positive experiences even in the midst of severe depression. They talk about doing one thing each day that brings joy. And when those positive moments are happening, try to stay mindful of the moment focusing your attention on that exact moment. That when your mind starts to wander (ex: I really wish we were able to celebrate my birthday at the bars with a big group of friends), you simply refocus your attention back on the moment. Try to participate and fully engage in the present moment.
How does this apply right now? Look for ways you can build joy right now. Can you have Zoom happy hours with your friends from high school so you stay in even better touch than you may have before? Can you meet up with some friends for a bonfire outdoors? Perhaps you might take up a new hobby. Or when you do visit with friends and family try to stay focused on enjoying every moment of those experiences.
Tip #4: Stay positive
It can feel so devastating to have your college experience ripped away from you right in front of your eyes. And, this will still be a memorable time in your life. So, try to stay positive. Someday our college lives will return to a “new normal.” But in the meantime, this is still YOUR time. So, don’t let Covid steal this year from you. Take ahold of your experience even as we wait for “normal” to return.
Tip #5: Be aware of depression or changes in your mood
The truth is, this is a difficult time to be college student. And some sadness, regret, grief, loneliness and even anger are all to be expected. But keep an eye out for big shifts in your mood. Or lasting shifts. If you’re worried you’re heading for depression or you develop anxiety that creeps into your daily life, it’s time to consider speaking to a therapist.
You know yourself better than anyone else. And in these unusual times, other people may be less likely to notice your depression or anxiety. So, it’s important that you keep an eye on your own mental health and prioritize taking care of yourself. If you think it might be time to get some help, it probably is. Even if you don’t talk to a therapist, consider opening up to a parent, clergy member, friend, doctor or mentor.
Support For College Students
If you’re looking for support to process your grief, a therapist can help. We know you want to enjoy your college experience as much as possible. In order to do that, you need to cope with everything Covid has thrown at you and find ways to make the most of this unique time in your life.
If you live in Missouri, we can help. Our therapists often offer therapy for students from the University of Missouri, Stephen’s College, William Woods and other Mid Missouri campuses in our Columbia, MO office. But we’re also now seeing college students from around the state (UMKC, Washington University, Missouri State University & more) with our online counseling services.
You deserve to feel like you’re making the most of your college experience. Therapy can offer one important form of support. The first step is to reach out to us and get set up with a free consultation.
