Grieving Your Athletic Identity: How to Move Forward After Your Sports Career Ends
It's hard to let go. For many of us, our identity is tied up in what we do. And for athletes and performers, that can be especially tough when our career comes to an end. Suddenly, we're faced with the task of finding a new purpose in life - and nothing feels as satisfying as our sport once did. It's no wonder that so many of us struggle with career moves, body image issues, disordered eating, and a lack of self-identity after our sports careers come to an end. But it's not impossible to move forward. In this blog post, we'll explore some ways to start grieving your athletic identity and find a new sense of purpose in life.
The joy of the sport
Once you were filled up with structure, schedule, expectations, recognition, and positive reinforcement for what you did. It became your norm and your identity without you meaning to. People praised you for your leadership, hard work, teamwork, performance, and passion. This was supposed to help you in your college applications, scholarships, and building into the next phase of your future. You were told all your life that you had so many great things coming your way and you are on the right path. The positive reinforcement was what drove you to keep going.
The grief of the end
But now, all those things are gone and you can’t help but feel a sense of loss. You find yourself in an unfamiliar space, where everything feels strange and overwhelming. What am I supposed to do day in and day out? Nothing feels as gratifying as it once did. Your discipline is no longer there and you wonder how you got to where you are now. Perhaps, as a way to copy you begin to eat more, move less, and mourn what used to be. You are not sleeping as well and you miss what used to be.
You are changing and starting to feel unrecognizable
Perhaps, you're looking at your body for the first time. Body image issues creep in when you look at photos of your body in its athletic prime; disordered eating takes over and it feels out of control. Once the food was never an issue because you could get away with it as you were so active, but now you don't know how to compensate for the change. Furthermore, you may use food as a way to cope with anxiety, sadness, loss of identity, and purpose. You want to stop, but the emotional eating feels more comfortable than feeling the loss deep inside.
Is change possible?
Yes, change is absolutely possible. It's time to start grieving your athletic identity and find something new to replace it with. You can still have a body that feels strong, capable, and confident - but you need to learn how to cope with emotions in a healthy way.
What if I don't feel the same joy and satisfaction I used to from my sport?
It's important to remember that no other job or activity can replace the joy and satisfaction of your former sport. Instead, focus on the new things you learn from these activities - like resilience, perseverance, an appreciation for different disciplines, etc. Although it may not feel as good as it used to, these new skills will help you build a satisfying life once again. You don't have to forget what used to be. That is a part of you. Reminisce on this and allow it to be a good memory. Know that through your sport, you gained a lot. You can use what you have learned to mentor, coach, play team sports, write, and so much more. You don't have to completely leave it behind. Instead, mourn the loss, be grateful for the experience, and let the experience transform you and help you find a new norm.
Steps to Find New Purpose and Identity Realistically
1. Find body-positive activities
You can find body-positive activities like yoga, walking, or swimming to honor your body and the hard work it put in for so many years.
2. Mentor others
You can use your athletic experiences as a mentor and coach to young athletes who are starting their sports journey.
3. Focus on the positives ( but not toxic positivity)
Don't look at the losses, but instead focus on the positive experiences you had.
4. Connect with others
Connecting with other athletes or individuals who are going through a similar transition can make it easier to cope.
5. Allow yourself to grieve
It’s ok to feel sad or disappointed. Give yourself the time and space to process what you’re going through.
Moving forward as a young adult after having an athletic identity for so long is not easy, but it can be done. Take your time to grieve the loss of your identity, find body-positive activities, mentor others, and allow yourself to feel the emotions that come with this transition. You can find a new purpose and identity, but it won't be easy or as gratifying as your sport once was. With patience, dedication, and resilience you can move forward and build a satisfying life without the past at its center.
Begin Therapy for Athletes, Performers, Dancers, and More!
If you need support, you don't have to deal with this alone. Community and connection matter and likely is a value of yours. If you are ready to talk through the past and move forward while having gratitude for the past, then a counselor in Mid-Mo can help you in person and via online therapy in Missouri. To get started at Aspire Counseling, follow these simple steps:
Contact Aspire Counseling
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Start healing, growing, and grieving in a healthy way!
About the Author:
Jasmine is a recent graduate of Northwestern University and she completed her practicum and internship at Aspire Counseling. She is excited to work with athletes, high achievers, professionals, people of color, and individuals dealing with life transitions, eating disorders, trauma, and anxiety. Jasmine offers services both in-person and via online therapy. If you are looking to work with a BIPOC therapist or a neurodivergent therapist, you have come to the right place.
