How Much Should My Child’s Therapist Be Telling Me?
Photo by Hannah Busing on Unsplash downloaded 11/6/23
It is so common for parents to feel “out of the loop” when taking their child or teenager to therapy. While some days you may welcome sitting in the waiting room for 45 minutes to an hour catching up on emails, reading a good book, scrolling on social media, or just finally having some time to quietly catch your breath, you may still be thinking “I wonder what’s going on in there? What are they talking about? Is anyone going to tell me? Or do I just keep showing up here and hoping my child starts getting better?”. These are all great questions and something your therapist should go over with you in the first session so that all members of the family know exactly what to expect each time you show up for a therapy appointment.
Informed Consent
When you first meet your therapist, they will go over informed consent with you. Informed consent outlines the risks, benefits and alternative options that may better treat you or your child’s needs. One of the hopeful benefits that all children, teens, and parents have is that you will start to feel better. Your mind won’t feel so jumbled all of the time. Your thoughts won’t race every time you get ready to go to school, go out with friends, or participate in an extracurricular activity. That lump in your throat that forms every time you start to feel nervous will slowly start to disappear. Your sadness won’t feel so heavy. Looking at yourself in the mirror gets easier. The members of your family won’t instantly argue every time they interact with one another. In simple terms, the benefits of therapy are that life generally starts to feel lighter and brighter.
One of the more common risks in participating in therapy is that it is not unusual for there to be a brief period of time where the client may feel a bit worse. This is because the child/teenager is finally talking about and working through the thing(s) that pains them. They are bringing those challenging and difficult emotions and thoughts to the surface rather than keeping them deeply buried inside. This unpleasant aspect to treatment is a crucial part of the healing process that cannot be avoided. One very important component to navigating this risk is a strong therapeutic alliance. The therapeutic alliance is a trusted partnership between a client and their therapist that allows them to achieve their goals. The keyword here is trusted partnership. A client will not trust their therapist if the therapist runs to tell their parent every word that was discussed in session. By doing this, the therapist would largely hinder the child/teenager’s progress in treatment. Yet, parents both deserve and have the right to know about their child’s treatment. A skilled therapist can navigate this dilemma quite nicely. In my clinic, parents will always know exactly what we are working on. A few examples:
We’re working on decreasing depressive symptoms.
We’re working on decreasing anxiety symptoms.
We’re working on increasing self-confidence and self-worth.
We’re working on increasing the ability to use words to express strong feelings rather than acting out in ways that are destructive, aggressive, or hurtful.
We’re learning, practicing, and mastering coping skills to help s/he stay grounded during triggering moments.
When the timing is appropriate, therapists will use the therapeutic alliance to form a plan with the child/teenager to share more specifics of the interventions being worked on in therapy. It is important for the child/teenager to know that the therapist is not going to run back to mom or dad and spill the beans on everything their child just said. Doing this creates a huge risk to treatment by severing the therapeutic alliance and breaking the trust between the child/teenager and therapist. Instead, the child/teenager and therapist will mutually agree when and how to share what’s been discussed during therapy sessions with parents on a consistent and regular basis so that parents feel like they are in the loop and can also be a participating member in their child’s treatment.
As a parent, it can be so hard not knowing exactly what is going on with your child.
It may lead to some parental anxiety or fear that you’re not sure what to do with. The most important thing for parents to know and hopefully feel rest assured, is that a therapist will always tell you if there is a safety concern. Your child’s therapist will always tell you if someone is harming your child, if your child is harming themselves, or if your child is thinking about harming someone else. This is the only time your child’s confidentiality would be broken by informing the parent and the appropriate authorities.
Tip for Parents in Therapy
Photo by Towfiqu barbhuiya on Unsplash downloaded 11/6/23
Ask questions.
It’s normal for parents to wonder and worry. Curb some of that worry by asking questions such as “is there anything I can be doing to better support my child right now?”
Don’t take it personally.
If your child/teenager is not ready to share much from their therapy sessions just yet, try not to take it personally. Their hesitancy to share with you generally speaks more to your child’s pain and healing process than it does to your parenting skills or your relationship with your child. Sometimes even in the best parent- child relationships, children/teenagers want to feel like they have more figured out before sharing with their parents.
Trust the process.
Trust the therapeutic alliance. True, quality evidence-based therapy can take time. Especially when working through something like depression, anxiety, or trauma. Focus on building a healthy, strong, supportive relationship with both your child and the therapist to help foster that trust factor your child is looking for when wanting to include you in their treatment. Research shows that progress is made more quickly when there is a strong therapeutic alliance between client and therapist. As a parent, it is important that you feel empowered to be a part of that alliance.
Child & Teen Therapy in Missouri
Our therapists in Lee’s Summit work with teens experiencing anxiety, trauma, depression, grief and other mental health related concerns. We believe in compassion and respecting your son or daughter’s experience. We also offer child counseling as well. Whether you’re looking for in-person services at our Lee’s Summit MO location, we also offer online counseling, so your teen can see us in various settings at their comfort.
Reach out today to our Client Care team, or call us at 573-328-2288 ext. 1 to get your teen set up with one of our amazing teen therapists.
About the Author
Ashley Elder is an LCSW at Aspire Counseling. Ashley works with teens experiencing trauma, depression, anxiety, life transitions, and much more. Ashley believes in the power of evidence- based practice and treatment, along with providing compassionate to any of her teen clients. She primarily works out of our Lee’s Summit counseling office. When Ashley isn’t working at Aspire Counseling, she loves to hang out with her cat London!
