The Beach Ball: Why Not Just Avoid Emotions?
Do You Tend to Avoid Your Emotions?
If you’re like most of us, you dislike experiencing negative emotions. Sadness, shame, embarrassment, betrayal, hopelessness or anger…these are some of the emotions I most frequently hear clients say that want to stop feeling. So what do you do when you feel sad? How do you handles shame? If you’re like many people I’ve worked with, you try to push that feeling away or ignore it. And it works…for the moment. Yet, the feeling keeps cropping up and usually at the worst times. Why does this happen?
How Does a Beach Ball Fit into This?
I want to propose that these feelings you are avoiding are like a beach ball. Imagine that you are swimming in a large pool. You notice a very ugly beach ball. The beach ball is annoying you. You don’t want it anywhere near you. You begin to push the beach ball under the water. Oops-the beach ball popped back up to the surface of the water! So, you push it down further under the water, and it returns to the surface with even more force. This continues for several minutes where you are pushing down the ball and it keeps popping back up. Perhaps you even try hugging the ball and pushing it under the surface with all of your body weight. Still, struggling with the ball is futile and simply draining you of all your energy.
What Can You Do About This?
What are your other options? The book where I originally read about this metaphor, The Big Book of ACT Metaphors, suggests, “If you were to let go of the ball, it would pop up and float on the surface near you, and you probably wouldn’t like it. But if you let it float there for awhile without grabbing it, it could eventually drift away to the other side of the pool.” One of the first times I shared this metaphor in session, my client explained, “Or I could pick the ball up, look straight at it and deflate it!”
Indeed, the deflate it strategy is the one I’ve used most often with my clients. In order to deflate this pesky beach ball, you need to pick it up and examine it closely enough to find the little valve to let the air out.
Similar to the beach ball, if you are shoving your shame, sadness or anger under the surface in your life, you will notice it coming back up over and over again. Instead, I invite you to pick up that negative emotion. Let yourself lean in to the shame, experience the anger, cry from the sadness. And once you’re letting yourself experience the emotion fully you’ll begin to notice where the little valve is that you can begin to slowly deflate the beach ball so that the negative emotion has less and less power over your life.
Begin Counseling Today With Aspire Counseling!
If you need help facing your fear, anger, sadness, shame, disappointment or sense of betrayal please reach out to us today through the contact form on this page or by calling 573-328-2288. We have therapists trained in treatments such as Dialectical Behavior Therapy and Acceptance and Commitment Therapy who will be glad to help you pick up your beach balls, look straight at them and figure out how to begin taking the power of these emotions away so you can find healing and move forward! If you think you would benefit from working with a trauma therapist and live in the Columbia, MO area, we’d love to help. Typically, Aspire Counseling therapists are ready to meet you where you are in your healing. To get started follow these simple steps:
1. Call 573-328-2288 or fill out our contact form.
2. Meet with one of our therapists for a free consultation.
3. Start getting the help need!
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Trauma and PTSD therapy and Acceptance and Commitment Therapy are not the only services we offer at our Columbia, MO clinic. Other mental health services that Aspire Counseling provides include anxiety treatment, depression counseling, counseling for college students, counseling for caregivers, grief counseling, teen counseling, counseling for adults, LGBTQIA+ affirming counseling, DBT, trauma therapy for children and teens, counseling for sexual assault survivors, and online therapy. Contact us today!
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