The impact of trauma on relationships
When a person goes through a traumatic experience, it can be expected that it will take time to recover and process the experience; however, the impact of trauma on personal relationships can often be overlooked.
Many couples find themselves struggling because one (or both) partners go through a traumatic event.
Possible Traumas that may Impact You as a Couple
The truth is that anytime one person in a relationship has been through something traumatic, this can impact how you function as a couple. As a counseling practice that specializes in trauma therapy, we see this every single day. Here are just a few examples of ways that past & current trauma can impact a romantic relationship or marriage:
#1: One partner was sexually assaulted or raped before meeting their current partner, and that's impacting sex life.
This one is much more common than you’d think. And let’s acknowledge here that this can be either partner regardless of gender. The point being, the person had an unwanted or negative experience with something sexual. Now, they’re in a loving relationship and they want to have sexual intimacy but their brain and body sometimes react to what happened in the past. It can be incredibly frustrating to the person who went through the trauma. This can also be frustrating to the new partner who may feel like they are being “punished” because of something someone else did.
#2: The family house burned down, and both partners are processing it differently.
When something life changing like this happens in a marriage or relationship, it’s common for both partners to process and cope with the situation completely differently. One may be immobilized by grief and fear while the other stuffs down their emotions and jumps straight to problem solving mode. This can leave each partner wondering why the other is responding in such a different way.
#3: A child died, and while both parents are grieving, their traumatic grief seems to be tearing them apart.
The truth is that losing a child is one of the most difficult things a human being can experience. And the grief can feel unbearable. When this happens, couples often feel like they should be able to lean fully on one another. But again, you may each process this horrific thing differently. Even if you’re generally in the same phase of grieving, at any given moment you may be at a different place. And you may express that grief differently. It may be hard to hold the emotion’s of your partner when you’re struggling to make sense of this yourself.
#4: One partner was in a car accident, and their PTSD symptoms are so bad they can barely drive anymore, and that's impacting the whole family.
Both partners in this scenario WANT the person to be able to drive again. But their PTSD may take over when they’re in car. And of course, having a family member that is so uncomfortable driving can be stressful for the entire household.
The Impact of Trauma on Personal Relationships
A traumatic event is never as simple as 'getting over it' or 'moving on.' It is a life-changing experience, leaving emotional scars and permanent changes in how we view ourselves and our place in the world. The impact of such an experience can be profound and long-reaching. It's not surprising to find that many relationships struggle when one or both partners have been through a traumatic experience.
Healing from trauma can feel lonely even when both partners went through the same thing. It’s very, very common to need support both individually and as a couple.
How Can Therapy Help?
Couples Counseling can be an excellent way for both partners to work on their communication and find ways to support one another. They have the opportunity to understand each other's experiences, discuss emotions, and learn new skills that will help them communicate better. Steven Reigns from Therapy for Adults explains the evidence behind couples therapy here.
However, it’s important to note that it may be important for one of both partners to also process the trauma on their own. Each person needs to find healing and cope with what happened to truly be whole as an individual. And when you feel more in control over your emotions and life as an individual, it can be easier to turn back to your partner and work on rebuilding your relationship.
Aspire Counseling Offers Individual Trauma Therapy & Some Couples Therapy in Missouri
Aspire Counseling was founded with the goal of providing the absolute best, most effective trauma therapy & PTSD treatment. And we’re really, really proud to offer so many options for treating trauma. Nearly all of our therapists are trained in evidence-based trauma treatments. However, we each bring our own experience and personality to the table. So, if you and/or your partner have experienced trauma, I recommend calling our office or reaching out online to talk to our intake team and see which therapist would be the best fit for you personally.
We’re also fortunate to now have a trauma therapist who is also trained in Gottman Couples Therapy techniques. In some cases, we are able to offer couples therapy through telehealth as well. Most importantly, we’re able to do this in a trauma-informed way as you’ll be working with a therapist who understands the impact the trauma had and how this can impact a relationship. Through couples counseling, the therapist will help your partner to have a better understanding of your traumatic experience and help you better communicate with your partner. Together, you can find ways to cope with the lasting impact of trauma and turn toward each other so you can move forward together.
We offer a free 30 minute consultation with one of our clinicians to anyone who would like to explore counseling options. Don't let trauma be a barrier between you and the healthy relationship you want to nurture.
