Thoughts Are Like Clothes in a Store

The Art of “Talking Back” to Depression & Anxiety

When you go to a store, you don’t buy every piece of clothing they have on display in your size. Truly. Think about it for a moment. Even your absolute favorite clothing store out there. Do you buy literally every single shirt, pants & pair of shoes in your size?

If you’re like most of us, you answered no. You may have even thought the whole concept was a bit…odd. I mean, why would you buy every item of clothing in your size?

Why not?

Well….there are probably a lot of reasons. For example, cost may be a determining factor as to how much and what clothing you purchase. For most of us, it wouldn’t fit our budget to buy every item of clothing. But even if you do technically have enough in your bank account, you probably don’t want to spend that amount of money on clothing because there are other ways you want/need to spend that money. Also, space may be an issue. I mean, who has room to keep an entire store’s worth of clothing in their closet? Then there’s the issue of fit and look. Personally, my coloring just doesn’t look that great in yellow. So, why would I purchase a yellow dress shirt? And we’ve all had experience with clothing that’s technically our size but just doesn’t fit the way we want.

So, what do you do instead?

Well, you carefully choose just a handful of favorite items of clothing to purchase. What you do bring home is carefully chosen pieces that will enhance your wardrobe. I mean sure, a week later you may decide you bought too much or that one piece isn’t as great as you initially thought. But you still probably are happier than if you’d brought everything home. Or maybe on this particular trip you don’t end up buying any clothing at all.

What does clothes shopping have to do with anxiety and depression?

Actually, a lot! A basic tenant of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) is that there is a distinct relationship between our thoughts, feelings, and actions. The thought we have about a topic can significantly impact how we feel about it and therefore what actions we take.

For example, if I have the thought, “I’m stupid,” then I may feel hopeless. This may lead to a behavior of less studying before a major exam. Of course, less studying leads to a worse test score. This only confirms my thought that, “I’m stupid” and the pattern goes on.

Therefore, a logical place to interrupt this cycle is to look at the thoughts we have about stressful situations. The goal? For us to be more discerning in the thoughts we choose to buy (i.e. believe) which can in turn lead to less anxiety and depression.

Is this all there is to getting rid of anxiety and depression?

CBT is an evidence-based treatment for anxiety & depression and is likely to be very helpful. However, in some situations, you may need a little more too. For example, if you’re struggling with a lot of anxiety, you may need to do some exposure work as well. And if your depression becomes very strong you may need to do some behavioral activation, take medication to supplement therapy, or even participate in a more intensive therapy such as Dialectical Behavior Therapy. But the bottom line is, starting with examining your thoughts can make a big difference and is a fantastic starting place.

So…how I can be more discerning about my thoughts?

Honestly, it’s not terribly different than how you’d examine clothes to decide which to purchase. Sometimes, you just decide you don’t have the emotional closet space to store a lot of extra thoughts right now. Or you might decide a particular thought doesn’t exactly fit your emotional/social/mental needs at the moment. So….you choose to watch those thoughts float through your mind but don’t latch on or give them too much credit.

Specific questions you can ask yourself to help evaluate thoughts

This isn’t an exhaustive list, but a few of the questions my clients have reported are helpful when they’re evaluating which thoughts they’d like to really hold on to, examine further or act on.

Am I focused on just one piece of a situation?

Often, our minds zero in on a single piece of information and leave out a lot of really important information about a situation. For example, in a job performance review, your boss may tell you 10 things you're doing right and say you are a great employee. But later that night, you may find yourself really thinking over the two small areas the supervisor gave you to work on.

I’m not saying you shouldn’t work on improving those two things. Of course, you should. But it may help for you to acknowledge that you’re very focused right now on the one negative and to mentally put it in the context of the larger situation. In other words, to include more information in your self-assessment.

Is this thought a habit or a fact?

I’ve found that many people who have experienced depression or anxiety for long periods of time start to develop thoughts that are habits more than anything. They’re so used to that same cycle described in CBT that they keep coming back to the same handful of cognitions (thoughts). It’s no longer a thought they’re having about the specific situation at hand but just how they’re used to thinking about something.

For example, a college student who typically struggles with tests may have a habit of thinking “I don’t do very well on tests.” As we described above, this may lead to them feeling like studying is pointless or having difficulty concentrating when they do study. Of course, this then leads to worse test scores. But if when that thought first appears they are able to label that thought as a “habit” they might be able to look at the bigger picture (for example: “I’ve done really well in this class so far and I find this material really interesting so it may be easier for me to remember this information and do better on this test than I’ve done on some past tests”) then they may experience a different emotion (example: hope) which leads to different behaviors (increased, more focused studying).

Am I confusing something that is possible with something that is likely?

Often, anxiety comes from jumping to conclusions about what is happening in the future or fearing the possible. One of the difficulties with anxiety is that we can’t prove what we’re anxious about will never happen. However, our mind may spend so much time focused on a particular scenario that our mind becomes convinced the “possible” thing is actually very likely. So, many of my client have found one of the most helpful strategies for them personally is to just ask themselves, “Am I confusing something that is possible with something that is likely? Similarly, some of my clients have found it helpful to think of the odds (what are the chances this will actually happen?) of this possibility coming true.

For example, if I’m anxious my child will get hit by a truck crossing the street when his ball rolls into the street I may implore him to NEVER cross the street. But when I ask myself this question, I can acknowledge that while there’s a possibility he could be hit by a truck, it’s not likely if I teach him safe behavior. So, instead of insisting he never ever cross the street (advice he likely won’t follow as he gets just a little older) I can instead teach and model a safe way to cross the street.

Another example? Fear that you’re going to get cancer soon and die at an early age. Can this happen? Absolutely. We know young people get cancer and even die from it sometimes. But is it likely? Probably not if you’re relatively healthy and don’t have a very strong family history of cancer. So, what can you do? Once you recognize this, you can remind yourself of all the things you already do to stay healthy such as getting regular health screenings, exercising, etc.

Consider Cognitive Behavioral Therapy in Columbia, MO

Are you interested in learning more about how Cognitive Behavior Therapy principles can help you improve your mental health? Or have you tried CBT in the past and are looking for something additional to help you treat anxiety, battle depression, or overcome past traumas? Our therapists can help.

Aspire Counseling has a team of experienced, caring therapists who believe you deserve counseling and psychotherapy services that really, truly help. Therefore, we focus on offering evidence-based interventions to help really improve your mental health. We most frequently treat anxiety, depression, trauma & grief, but can also help with a wide range of other mental health concerns.

Our counseling office is located in Columbia, MO, and easily accessible on the South end of town, from the University of Missouri, Downtown, or just about anywhere else in the area. However, we are also able to see clients from anywhere in the state of Missouri through online therapy and have found this to be a really effective way for us to help people everywhere from Springfield to Rolla, Kirksville, St. Joseph, and other parts of Missouri.

So, if you’re ready to start cognitive behavioral therapy in Columbia, MO, or anywhere in Missouri, and you are looking for a therapist who can balance meeting you where you are with using truly effective practices, please give us a call today and we’ll get you matched with a mental health provider.

About the Author

Jessica Tappana believes in the power of counseling and therapy to transform lives and let people live authentically as themselves. She believes everyone deserves to chase their own dreams & live a life truly worth living. She is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker in the state of Missouri and the founder of Aspire Counseling. She is trained in Cognitive Behavior Therapy (CBT) as well as other evidence-based practices for psychotherapy. She currently specializes in anxiety treatment but has in the past specialized in severe depression. Additionally, she uses CBT practices in the treatment of trauma and basic stress management.