What not to Say to someone with Depression

When someone you know is struggling with depression, it's important to be supportive and compassionate. However, sometimes well-intentioned comments can be harmful or minimizes their experience. Here are some things that you should avoid saying to someone who has depression.

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"Just snap out of it."

Depression is a real and complex mental health condition, not something that can be overcome through willpower. Depression isn’t something that can just turn off like a light switch.

"Everyone feels sad sometimes."

While this is true, depression is different from general sadness and can be much more debilitating. At one point everyone feels sad, but there is a difference between feeling sad, and being depressed, while they can be linked, they are still different. Sadness is often an emotion that people can experience, and while it can last a long period, like after the death of a loved one, it’s different than depression.

"You don’t look depressed."

Depression doesn’t have a specific look and assuming it does invalidates the person's internal experience.

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"It’s all in your head."

This implies that the depression isn’t real or is imagined, which is not true.

"Think about all the things you have to be happy about."

This can make a person feel guilty for being depressed and doesn’t acknowledge the fact that depression can affect anyone, regardless of their circumstances.

"You just need to be more positive."

Telling someone to think positively oversimplifies the condition and ignores the fact that depression can affect a person's ability to think positively.

"What do you have to be depressed about?"

This suggests that a person needs a reason to be depressed, which is not the case.

"There are people who have it much worse."

Comparing struggles is not helpful and can make someone feel like their pain is being minimized.

"You’re just doing this for attention."

This is invalidating and dismissive, suggesting that the person is not truly suffering.

"You just need to keep busy." or "Have you tried...?"

Offering unsolicited advice or simple solutions like a change in diet or exercise can make the person feel like you think their depression is easily fixable, which it often isn’t.

While staying active can sometimes help manage symptoms, it’s not a cure and this comment can feel dismissive, and upsetting. When people are having trouble with depression, they probably have tried various things, such as going for walks, or trying something new to help. By saying these comments, they can feel dismissive, and make the person not feel heard.

"This is just a phase."

Depressive episodes may come and go, but labeling it as just a phase may minimize the person's experience.

Instead of saying the things listed above, consider doing the following:

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• Listen actively and validate their feelings.

• Express concern and let them know you care.

• Avoid trying to “fix” their depression, and instead offer support in seeking professional help.

• Encourage them gently, without making demands or setting expectations.

• Let them know that you are there for them, without judgment.

Remember, the goal is to create a supportive and non-judgmental environment for the person who is dealing with depression.

Depression Counseling in Missouri

At Aspire Counseling we have several clinicians that are trained to work with depression. Our clinicians also work with those experiencing OCD, disordered eating, trauma, anxiety and much more. Along with offering services at our Lee’s Summit, Missouri location, and our Columbia, Missouri location, we also offer virtual therapy to anyone within the State of Missouri.

Our clinicians also offer a free 30 minute consultation, you can fill out our online form, and one of our amazing Client Care staff will reach out, and get you best matched up with one of our fabulous clinicians for the free consultation! Reach out today to begin your therapy journey with Aspire Counseling!