Is Self Care Selfish?
If Your Airplane is Falling Out of the Sky
Think about the last time you rode on a plane. Now I invite you to recall what the flight attendant said during the safety demonstration. You were listening, right? If you weren’t, my sister’s a flight attendant and I’m sure she’d be happy to tell you all about how important it is to listen to that safety demonstration. If you’re like me, it’s easy to tune it out because it feels like the demonstration is always the same. Of course, there might be some subtle differences depending on the type of plane you’re riding on or the airline. However, one thing that seems to be consistent among all of air plane safety demonstrations I’ve ever watched is their instructions about what to do if the air pressure in the cabin changes and the oxygen masks fall from above. Do you recall the instructions you’re given regarding those oxygen masks when you’re sitting next to a child? As adults, we are instructed to put the oxygen mask on ourselves first and then any children around us.
Gosh, that instruction is so counter-intuitive! I’d heard it many times before, but I remember when it really hit me… Years ago, my husband and I took our 5 month old son to California to visit family. I was slightly anxious as this was the first time we’d ever flown as parents. I paid extra close attention to the safety demonstration on that day, because those instructions suddenly took on new meaning-they were how I would give my sweet boy the best chance of survival if something went wrong. His life was more important to me than my own, so it almost angered me to hear that I was supposed to put on MY mask first. However…there’s a good reason for that instruction. If I were to attempt to put on my child’s oxygen mask first and then pass out myself halfway through, neither one of us would then have any oxygen mask on. Thus, not taking care of myself first in that emergency situation would in fact put my son’s life in more risk. If, however, the plane is falling out of the sky and I do the counter intuitive thing by putting my own oxygen mask on first I ensure that I am still conscious to then ensure my child’s well being.
Self Care as a Selfless Act
If you run yourself into the ground always focusing on helping everyone else but neglecting yourself, you’ll burn out. At some point, you’ll start being short with those around you, experience mental fatigue where you start forgetting things right and left, always be distracted and possibly even not have the physical ability to keep up with everything you want to do.
Taking care of your own needs is in fact one of best things we can do for others. It allows you to be present for others and get done the things that are important to you. If you attend to your own mental, emotional and physical needs you will have the mental, emotional and physical strength to help others. Self Care, even in small doses, is like putting on your oxygen mask first. By taking care of yourself, you ensure that you will able to be there for others.
Self Care also models good habits to those you care about. If your children see you taking care of yourself, they learn those habits for themselves. A friend of mine told me when someone asks her children about their mom, they answer that she loves to exercise. She loves that her children see her this way, because they are learning what a positive thing exercise can be! The same can go for employees. If you are a supervisor and your employees see that you take a lunch break every single day, they learn that is the expectation and culture of your workplace. They themselves will be more likely to take a break for lunch which research shows us will help them be more productive and less burnt out.
Prioritize Your Self Care
Are you tired of being exhausted and ready to fill your own cup so you have more to give to others? Our therapists are experts at helping you find healing so you can be the very best version of yourself.
If you or someone you love is struggling to maintain optimal mental and emotional health, consider reaching out and calling Aspire Counseling at 573-328-2288. We believe in offering counseling services that truly work, because you deserve to feel better. We offer help for a wide range of mental health problems including everything from panic attacks to PTSD, depression to self harm, generally feeling stuck to work stress. You can attend counseling sessions at our Columbia, MO counseling clinic or even have online therapy sessions anywhere in Missouri. Whatever brings you to therapy, our therapists want to help you set goals, develop a self care routine and move forward to build a more fulfilling life.
About The Author
Jessica Tappana is the founder, director and a therapist at Aspire Counseling. Jessica’s clients would tell you that she’s passionate about teaching the importance of caring for yourself. They also might say that Jessica tries to “walk to walk” by prioritizing self care and finding balance in her own life as well so she can be refreshed, present in the moment and attentive whether she’s sitting with a client or playing with her own children. Aspire Counseling helps individuals of all ages and backgrounds find healing to move forward. Our intake coordinator works with you to find the therapist who will be a perfect match for your needs and all of our therapists provide at least one evidence based treatment.
