Managing Anxiety During Young Adult Life Transitions
Let’s be honest. No one tells you in your twenties how to manage college, renting, jobs, friendships, relationships, BILLS, and everything else in between in your 20’s and 30’s. Remember when we were younger, we just assumed adults had it together and understood how to “adult”, but in reality. Nobody knows what is going on. We are all trying to figure it out.
Whenever life transitions happen, whether it’s beginning school, a new job, or managing friendships, we can get so wrapped up in responsibilities that we struggle to take care of ourselves. If you’re high functioning, an overachiever, or a perfectionist at heart, you’ll know what I mean. Perhaps, you’re one of those individuals where even the thought of sitting down and trying to take a break adds to the anxiety you may be experiencing. Or if you don’t have everything together and wrapped up in a bow, you struggle to feel like anything other than a failure. Trust me, I get that.
Why is it important to learn how to cope with anxiety during life transitions?
It is a wonderful gift to strive high and be productive and proactive in your growth and development as a person and a professional. However, you have a breaking point. Everyone does. If you’re always experiencing burnout, feeling fatigued, you’re beginning to hate things you once loved, and time for yourself is never a priority, then that needs to be addressed. You’re allowed to take breaks, acknowledge when enough is enough, and PAUSE.
As an anxiety specialist, I want to be able to give you tangible suggestions on how to address what you’re feeling realistically. Often I think that when we are looking for tools and coping mechanisms, we often forget about the person who struggles to take a breath and pause. Taking ten minutes to mediate isn’t always tangible, just like taking a bubble bath for relaxation may not work for you. For me, writing a list of what I need to get done eventually during the day is a coping mechanism for my overwhelm and overthinking above meditating. It’s like emptying your mind and giving yourself space to breathe. This allows me to see what needs to be done. Sometimes doing a mental dump makes you realize you have more time than you thought. What a concept!
Realistic Tips for Managing your Anxiety As You Go Through Life
Acknowledge what you’re feeling
First, when you’re experiencing anxiety during a new time or a changing time in your life, take moment to just say “hey, I’m overwhelmed”. Let yourself feel the overwhelm, the frustration, confusion, excitement. Whatever you’re experiencing name it and acknowledge it. That is the first step to developing a plan. Sometimes with anxiety, we try to push that feeling down, especially if it’s bad, or uncomfortable. Give it space and name it. This can help reduce its power.
Give yourself space to feel what you need to (cry, talk to a friend)
Sometimes the first thing that may come to mind is for you to run and find someone. Or at least that’s the advice we hear when we are dealing with stress and anxiety. However, if you’re like me, sometimes I need to understand what I am going through before someone else can be brought in. However, other people need a friend to lean on. If that helps you to understand what’s going on, go have a cry, be overwhelmed, and be in community with someone you care about. Talk through your feelings and take that space to process, whatever that may look like for you.
Figure out what you can do at that moment if anything
Learn what you need in these moments. Do you need space, a friend, food, sleep? What would help you process through this situation? Perhaps journaling or writing a list will help you feel more comfortable and organized. Maybe even going on a walk and getting some fresh air can help. Whatever it is, make sure you’re able to feel safe and cared for at that moment.
Create a plan for the future
Now, being a planner can be both happy and stressful. On the one hand, you’re are the person with the plan, and you have already thought about steps b,c, and d. However, when it comes to creating a plan that can help alleviate the anxiety you’re experiencing. Even if that means in an hour you’re going to do some research on counseling services or take a 30-minute break and then mentally prep for class or practice.
Whatever it is make it realistic and allow yourself to be ok with not having it all together all at once. If you have ever tried to rent an apartment, get a new job, do a group project, you know that being in control and getting things done exactly right, at this moment is not realistic. What matters is to create a plan for what you can realistically control at this moment. Not what you expect to happen 6 months from now. However, you may decide on what you can in the next 24 hours within reason. Anxiety is not reasonable, so we have to create attainable plans that make sense for our capacity. Just because we can run until empty doesn’t mean we should. By doing this, we are not giving power to whatever is holding us back.
Be flexible
This is probably the one people with anxiety struggle to deal with the most. Control is more desirable than flexibility. However, when you release the desire to be in control, you will experience so much freedom. It takes time and work to remind yourself of this daily, but once you acknowledge that you cannot be in control at all times. Life will begin to feel lighter. One way to do this is by taking your thoughts captive, and acknowledge what is attainable and realistic for where I am right now. Furthermore, acknowledge will it help me to constantly fixate on this goal or not? If the answer is no, LET IT GO! You may have to remind yourself quite often, but when the day comes that this skill becomes a second nature decision that allows you to be flexible, it will become more natural to do this in other aspects of your life.
Remind yourself of your strengths and don’t be weighed down by your weaknesses
Anxiety is a liar. Let’s be real. Anxiety tells us we are not good enough, we are a failure, we are not allowed to take breaths, we will disappoint others, and we MUST keep going. Often we forget about our good qualities. For example, you’re a fantastic friend, you’re a natural leader, you’re intelligent, brave, kind, loving, empathetic, compassionate, and so much more. Remember where you’re an asset to others and your impact on the world around you. Trust me, you have a lot to offer. If you’re unsure what those strengths are, ask your friends, family, or talk with an objective source like a counselor who can see your strengths from an outside perspective.
Feel your feelings
This one matters a lot. Life is overwhelming. Even if you manage to get the job, make it through school, develop quality relationships, and make it on your own. Life is still stressful. We may have it together and still be overwhelmed. You’re allowed to kill it during the week and feel stressed and overwhelmed, and just want to chill and be restful in the evening. You’re allowed to cry when things don’t go your way. You’re allowed to be frustrated and upset, and even angry. Feel your feelings, but don’t let them hold you back. You’re not weak for experiencing all kinds of emotions. YOU’RE HUMAN!
Even if it's not ideal, find a way to develop acceptance
Imagine this, you’re anxious, stressed, and hoping everything will work out. Then it doesn’t. You do badly on a test, you lose a friendship or relationship, you don’t make the team, or get the job, or apartment. Whatever it is. Rather than overthinking and going over and over in your head how you could have done better, or thinking about the what if’s. Feel your feelings, name them, acknowledge them, and when you’re ready find acceptance that life went a different way. Honestly, when life turns out the way you didn’t expect it sucks. In fact, it can add more stress. However, three things still remain true you’re still worthy, good, and you shouldn’t beat yourself down. You’re not a failure. Life doesn’t always go how we want it, and that’s ok. We learn from our mistakes, disappoints, and so, then we MOVE ON.
Get long term support ( friends, family, heck even your therapist)
Lastly, and my favorite. Get support. Now, if you’re used to being your own support, that may take time, but there are many ways to get support. Whether that is from friends, family, a mentor, a pastor, a professor, or even a counselor. Reach out when it is too much. We cannot do life alone. We are communal individuals and that means we need people. If you’re struggling to find that support, then get a counselor. Together we can develop a plan and find a community that makes sense for you. Most importantly, know that anxiety is a liar and it will tell you things that confirm your insecurities. Finding a healthy community that sees you for who you’re and can help you counteract anxiety during any stage of life.
Looking for anxiety support?
Anxiety can show up at any time in your life. You can have it under control and then BOOM anxiety is out of control. It's important to understand some principles that can help you manage. If you are looking for additional support, I’d be happy to speak with you. Whether it's with anxiety, body image, life transitions, young adulthood, and more. Our skilled therapists are here to help you manage your anxiety. We understand that anxiety isn’t easy to manage, especially on its own. It’s important to understand therapy is a place to talk through what you’re dealing with, find ways to move forward, and then help you to live a life that makes sense for your needs.
If you are ready to take back control of your life and overcome, our therapists can help you through online therapy in Missouri or in person at our Columbia, MO counseling practice. Our therapists are trained in evidence-based treatment and will always stay focused on your personal goals. Reach out when you are ready and talk to one of our therapists for anxiety, burnout, and stress support today!
About the Author
Jasmine Jaquess is a counselor in training and intern through Northwestern University. Currently, she is gaining hours toward her Master’s under the supervision of Jessica Tappana. Jasmine specializes in working with clients with anxiety, life transitions, mild body image issues, and young adulthood/college. If you would like to learn more about Jasmine to see if she is a good fit for you, then check out her about me page.