New Years Resolutions

By Diana Hughes

Unpopular opinion: I love New Year’s resolutions! I know they have a bad rep but I actually find myself looking forward to setting new goals every January. So why set goals? There are a lot of research related reasons to set some new goals. Neurologist Dr. David Eagleman writes about brain plasticity, “If you challenge yourself, if you are constantly facing new tasks and challenges that you haven’t mastered, you are building new roadways and bridges.” Furthermore, accomplishing tasks and meeting goals increases our confidence, self-esteem, and self-efficacy. And finally, the more we engage in things we find value in, the more we increase the quality of our lives. Who couldn’t use more of that?

How do I create good New Year’s resolutions?

Here are some simple tips for setting your goals for the year that I follow myself:

Tip #1: Set a goal that you actually find value in.

There are so many trends we can get wrapped up in. Starting a keto diet, Marie Kondo-ing your house, starting a capsule wardrobe, doing goat yoga, the list goes on. We see our friends and family posting about their new obsession and it’s hard not to get swept away in that excitement. The problem is, we don’t actually find value in some of the goals and changes we make which then makes it hard to feel motivated to stick with it. I started the wardrobe capsule and gave it up about 30 minutes in. I didn’t see value in limiting my wardrobe and also didn’t see any problem with the amount of clothes, accessories, or shoes that I own (yes, I actually do need three slightly different pairs of black boots).  So when setting a goal, ask yourself “What do I get out of it?” The answer may be obvious like “I’ll be healthier” and “I’ll have less financial stress”. However, all change comes with loss. Is the value in the change or goal worth the loss you’ll have to exchange it for?

Tip #2: Start small

If your goal is to pay all of your debt in one year, you may soon feel overwhelmed and hopeless. People that have made big accomplishments or met big goals typically didn’t do it all at once. It’s so important to set small, realistic goals that in the long run, lead to big accomplishments. If you want to start saving money, start by trying to save $10 a week. Once that becomes easy, you can increase it to $15 a week.

Small can also mean setting a goal that isn’t stressful. You can actually set a goal that allows you to have fun! Last year one of my goals was to have a date night with my husband once a month at a new place instead of the same restaurant we always go to. A few years ago it was to learn how to decorate cakes. There was no stress involved with these goals and I had fun engaging in them.

Start 3: Reward yourself

Remember to reward yourself for reaching milestones and not waiting till you reach the big goal. Praise and rewards become less and less frequent the older we get. It’s important to recognize our own work and effort and practice self-validation. So post that digital medal you earned for running a 5k, pat yourself on the back, and verbalize how proud you are of yourself.

Tip #4: Give yourself grace

So a few months in, you find yourself going back to old habits. That doesn’t mean you failed! My goal last year was to stop drinking Coke for a whole year. I made it 3 months. Did I fail? No! I went the longest I’ve ever gone without drinking Coke and I know my body appreciated it. Next time I decide to pick that goal again, I’m going to try to beat my 3 month streak.

Tip #5: Prioritize

Some goals, no matter how important they are, come with a hefty cost. As mentioned before, all change comes with loss. It can be time, money, the ease in not paying attention to what we eat or how much money we spend, etc. Set yourself up for success and troubleshoot. List the obstacles getting in your way and then problem solve.

How can therapy help?

Finally, it can be helpful to have a professional help you reach your goals. If you have been thinking about therapy, this is a great time to set healing and addressing mental health problems as a goal especially after the rough year that just ended and the one that just started that is already full of tension.

About the Author

Diana Hughes is a provisionally licensed counselor with a background in education. She works with adolescents and adults at our counseling office in Columbia or with anyone in Missouri online. Her focus is on trauma and DBT as well as depression and anxiety. Diana also speaks Spanish and sees Spanish speaking clients. For more information contact our client coordinator at 573-328-2288 or visit the Therapy Team link. You can set up a free consultation to talk about potential goals and to start your journey on your 2021 goals.