Self Imposed Guilt and Perfectionism: When Being Hard on Yourself Goes Too Far
We all want to do well. We all want to be perfect. But for some of us, that desire can go too far. We become our own worst enemy, putting impossible standards on ourselves and driving ourselves crazy in the process. This is what we call perfectionism. And it can have some serious negative consequences on our physical and emotional health. In this blog post, we'll explore self-imposed guilt and perfectionism, and discuss why being hard on yourself isn't always a good thing.
What is Perfectionism?
Perfectionism is the unrealistic belief that we must meet impossible standards in order to be accepted. This often leads to negative self-talk and stress. Perfectionists are their own worst critics, and they're never good enough in their own eyes. This can be detrimental to both our physical and mental health. Perfectionism has been linked to a variety of mental health issues such as anxiety, depression, and eating disorders. It can also lead to physical problems such as headaches, ulcers, and insomnia.
So why do we do this to ourselves? Why do we put these impossible standards on ourselves? For some of us, it's because we care too much. We want to do everything right and meet everyone's expectations. There is always another person to help, or someone else we just don't want to let down.
Other times, we're trying to prove ourselves by being as perfect as possible. We're afraid that if we make a mistake, people will see us as not being good enough. In fact, for perfectionists, it's scary to think about making a mistake or not doing our absolute best at something. We think that we have to be perfect in order to be accepted.
It’s Okay to Not be Perfect
The truth is, nobody is perfect. Everyone makes mistakes. And that's okay!
Honestly, holding yourself to high standards is a good thing and can lead to great success. But perfectionism is when it's taken to the next level. When holding yourself to high standards turns into unrealistic expectations. When you're never good enough in your own eyes, that's when perfectionism has gone too far.
Perfectionism Can Cause Some Problems
As a perfectionist, you may point the all of the amazing things you’ve achieved as “evidence” that your perfectionism is “good.” And caring about doing things well can motivate you to work hard. But when perfectionism goes too far, it can also have the opposite effect.
Perfectionism can have some serious negative consequences on our physical and emotional health. As we mentioned before, perfectionism and that constant functioning with high levels of stress have been linked to a variety of physical & mental health issues.
Beating yourself up 24/07 is not only unhealthy, but it's also unproductive. In fact, in the long run, being hard on yourself doesn't lead to better performance, it only creates more stress. And this can lead to you being less productive, getting in the way of relationships, having a negative impact on your physical health (which of course decreases your ability to be "perfect"), writer's block, and leading to low self-esteem. As if that's not enough, perfectionism can even lead to anxiety, depression, suicidal thoughts, and anger.
So my perfectionism may be a problem. What can we do about it?
It's important to remember that nobody is perfect. Everyone makes mistakes. And that's okay.
Are you wondering what to do instead of constantly putting yourself down and setting incredibly high standards? Here are a few things you can do to be more compassionate to yourself:
-Talk to yourself the way you would talk to a friend
-Focus on your progress, not your perfection
-Recognize that everyone makes mistakes
-Accepting your imperfections as a part of who you are
-Be gentle with yourself when you do make a mistake
-Allow yourself time to heal emotionally and physically
Remember, no one is perfect. And that's okay. Perfectionism is an unrealistic standard that only leads to stress and anxiety. If you find that you're being too hard on yourself, try practicing self-compassion instead. Self-compassion is key when it comes to perfectionism. So, be kind to yourself, and focus on your progress rather than your perfection.
Your Journey to Self Acceptance over Perfectionism may not go Perfectly
Also...you don't have to be perfect at not being perfect! So, if you're reading this and feeling determined right now to let go of that perfectionism and quiet the self-doubt, it's also ok if tomorrow you wake up and realize you've gone down a rabbit hole of perfectionism. Perfectionism is a habit, and like any habit, it takes time to change. So be patient with yourself as you work on this. And get some support and accountability from loved ones or professionals. Perfectionism didn't happen overnight, and letting go of it won't either!
Begin Therapy in Missouri as Part of Your Self-Care & Journey Toward Self Acceptance
If you're struggling with perfectionism or self-doubt, know that you're not alone. And you don't have to go through finding healing on your own either. Our counselors and therapists use evidence-based counseling interventions to help you make positive, effective changes in your life. We understand the stress you're under as you feel trapped in this cycle of trying to be perfect. And we can offer you new skills to use to manage your stress, help you face your anxiety head-on, start more fully accepting all parts of yourself and give you tools to help improve your relationships even while you set new boundaries.
Our therapists and counselors in Columbia, MO are here to help you work through these challenges. We're also able to offer online counseling to anyone throughout the state of Missouri and regularly work with individuals around the state from St. Joseph to Blue Springs, Rolla, Wentzville, Springfield, Kirksville or anywhere in between.
Other Mental Health Services at Aspire
At Aspire we understand how difficult life can be as a perfectionist, but there is help available. We also understand your perfectionism is only one part of who you are. You might also have generalized depression, be grieving a major loss or feel stuck from a past pain. Regardless of what pieces contribute to the puzzle of your mental health, our counselors want to help and will treat you as a whole, unique individual.
We love what we do as therapists and offer counseling in Missouri online with our HIPAA compliant telehealth video chat platform, or in person at our Columbia, MO office. We have therapists with various specialties including anxiety treatment, trauma therapy/PTSD treatment, bereavement counseling, depression counseling, Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT), counseling for college students, and much more. Check out our blog, our rates, and contact us today to get started.
