The Power of Play

By Aspire Therapist Diana Hughes 

            So I had been in a funk for a few days and I couldn’t shake it off. I mean, we’ve been in a pandemic for what seems like ages, who HASN’T found themselves in a funk at some point? It was a chilly and cloudy day but my husband decided it was nice enough to surprise the kids with a trip to Cosmo Park after church (FYI, him and I have very different ideas of what a nice day feels like). I reluctantly agreed and shoved my hands into my coat pocket as I enviously watched from the side as my husband and kids engaged in innocent, belly-laughter fun.

At one point my son went down the huge slide and excitedly told me to go down too. I could feel my husband’s eyes on me waiting to see if I’d go down in my dress, tights, and knee-high boots. No one else was there so I decided to go down just to prove that I would. As slid down I felt my stomach fill with butterflies, my face brighten up and I heard laughter that I haven’t heard from myself in a really long time. The lack of traction sent me flying and my husband caught me with a huge smile on his face. I decided I wanted to go down again which then led to the see-saw and a few other things I hadn’t planned on getting on at all. As we got back into the car, I stuck a lollipop in my mouth and felt my mood lighten just a little bit.

It’s Easy to Lose Sight of the Value of Play

            The older we get the harder it seems to play. We get swept away with thoughts like, “I don’t have time to play the guitar, I have laundry to do.” Or feelings of guilt for taking precious time away from work to do something fun. Something that doesn’t make us money or bring us recognition or awards seems selfish, reckless and irresponsible. Our lives slowly become a list of bills to pay, errands to run, and a house to maintain. We become overwhelmed with stress, anxiety, depression and never-ending thoughts of “not being enough”. 

Play is Actually a Skill

            In DBT therapy, one of the skills we teach is accumulating positive emotions in the short term. Doing something that brings us joy at least for that moment in order to help us regulate emotions. When talking to clients in crisis, it’s not unusual to be faced with skepticism and doubt. However, there is a lot of research that shows how play is powerful in brining joy and combating depression. Dr. Stuart Brown states, “The opposite of play is not work- it’s depression.” He explains how engaging in play can bring back excitement and energy in areas that those things are lacking in.  Dr. Brené Brown adds, “Don’t ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive and go do it. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.”

I want to have fun. But how do I start?

            Doesn’t it seem like in order to have fun as adults we must spend tons of money? We seem to have gotten harder to please that older we get. Her are some of my tips for tapping into fun that don’t require big trips or large expenses.

Step 1: Try something completely new.

When I was in grad school and worn out from papers and a new baby, I took up cake decorating classes. I’m not naturally creative so this helped get me started on a creative, pressure-free, no grade attached fun journey. I got to learn and have fun with people who just wanted to connect and eat cake.

Step 2: It’s a pandemic so be safe.

So many businesses have gotten creative with how to stay open. Art places now sell their kits with paint, brushes, and a canvas for you to sip and paint at home. My husband and I found an at-home dance class that we do on the weekends in our living room. Craft subscription boxes are fun to do with friends. Stores like Michael’s and Home Depot offer online DIY classes. Check out what they offer and see what piques your interest.

Step 3: If you have kids, join in on their fun!

My kids are super creative and are always on an imaginative adventure. I always think of myself as boring and choose to pass on their games out of fear of ruining their fun. But I learned after doing a puppet show with my daughter, that they don’t care how imaginative I am. They just want me to participate and engage with them. I have been pretty surprised by my on- the- go storylines, Lego towers, and drawings. Turns out I’m not as boring as I thought I was.

Step 4: Accept that you aren’t an expert.

If you feel safe, go join an intramural team or ask a friend to play a round of tennis, basketball, disc golf. It doesn’t have to be something you are good at or that’s competitive. I once gave my client the assignment of playing basketball with a friend. This client was, like most of us, afraid of failure and she described herself as mediocre in all things. She was really nervous and uncomfortable with the assignment but the following week she talked to me about how she and her friend played basketball horribly for an hour and how she loved feeling like she was a kid again. Shortly after, she experienced a stressful situation which didn’t hit her has hard as it normally would have.

 Play might not feel natural at first

It might feel awkward at first. It’s been a while since you’ve been a kid. But the power of play is immense and tapping into it is a lot less painful than we think it is. It may not solve all of your problems, but it can definitely give you an emotional vacation. So go build that pillow fort and get yourself a coloring book. Your mental health needs it more than you think.

 Need Help Finding Joy Again?

And of course, if you need a little more help managing your “funk”, speaking to a mental health professional can help you get you closer to reaching your mental health goals and needs.  

About the Author

Diana Hughes is a therapist at Aspire Counseling. She provides online counseling services to teens and adults throughout the state of Missouri specializing in therapy for trauma, depression & anxiety. Diana is also our only therapist currently able to offer counseling services in Spanish. She is under the supervision of Jeremy Duke as she finishes up the licensure process the next couple of months. As a therapist, Diana takes an active role in your treatment often assigning homework between sessions, using counseling techniques backed by research and becoming invested in you as an individual. Perhaps most importantly, she is a dedicated wife and mother. If you’re looking for an enthusiastic therapist who will believe in you and push you to find that spark of Joy again, you can schedule an appointment to meet with her for counseling.