Values in ACT Therapy: What Do You Want to Stand For?
Blog #4 in The Hexaflex: a 6 part series on Acceptance & Commitment Therapy
"If you don't know where you are going, you’ll end up someplace else." — Yogi Berra
When the Road Runs Out
Has it ever felt like in life you've driven down a road for so long that at a certain point, it just felt directionless? Or worse, like you drive to the end of that road and there is no more road to drive?
Those moments in the roadtrip of life can cause us to feel unsettled, uncertain, and often unmotivated to find answers. When we set ourselves towards a direction or goal only to find a set of aimless trajectories, it can leave us exhausted and searching for meaning or answers that may or may not be there. A sure way of identifying direction is clarifying for yourself, the values that define your actions.
The Problem With Values Cards
One of the most popular ways to identify values sometimes falls in the trap of identifying the "what" that we value. Values cards are used often both in therapy and outside of it. Some jobs and career paths are great about helping employees identify their strengths using a similar card sort strategy.
A limiting component of thinking about values categorically is that sometimes it leads us back to the "what" we care about. For example, I've heard clients of mine discuss the importance of their family, career, or material resources like money. All certainly important in identifying values, but none values themselves. If you're wanting to best identify your values, it might have to come from digging a little deeper!
The Question That Gets You There
One question stands alone when thinking about someone's values: "What do you want to stand for?" I pose this question often both to myself and to my clients. This question helps to identify the difference between the "what" that you value, and the "why" you value it.
The difference matters! The why of this equation helps us to know more broadly about how we interact with the things we care about like family, our careers, or even money as mentioned above. It helps to better imagine what is at the heart of our actions that we take on a day to day basis.
What This Looks Like for Me
To use myself as an example, when it comes to my career I know that the "what" of my experience is to deliver a service as a therapist that promotes healing from suffering. At the heart of that exists a couple of words that I try to stick to across my life in other relationships as well.
My values consist of doing therapy genuinely, vulnerably, honestly, and compassionately. If I am reflecting on these in my office, I know that I had a knockout session and my clients received the parts of me that I wish for them to know. These values provide the compass that I wish to follow to promote my clients' healing.
Practice With Me
If you would like to take a moment to practice with me, pause for a moment and think about the categories of things in your life that you find gratitude for: family, relationships, friends, career, and hopefully amongst others yourself. Add to these categories as you see fit.
For each of these categories ask yourself what it is that you want to stand for in these areas of life. Who do you want to be when it comes to each category? When you've identified a few words for each category, see if you can notice any patterns in your responses. Sometimes among these, are your strongest forms of values that cross different categories of your life.
If you're still having trouble, try to identify the adverbs in your sentences. The words ending in -ly that help describe verbs; honestly, lovingly, etc. These words can help identify a direction in which to set your sights towards. Values operate to provide you a compass that can guide us in the direction you see most fit towards action in accomplishing your larger goals.
An Exercise to Try
There's a short exercise I really enjoy for furthering your understanding here. It was developed by Swedish ACT therapist Tobias Lundgren and popularized by an author and clinician that I tend to follow, Russ Harris. It's called the Bull's Eye.
You can download the worksheet for free from Russ Harris's site. The dartboard is divided into four areas of life: work and education, relationships, personal growth and health, and leisure. For each quadrant on the bullseye, place an "X" mark where you feel like you fall most in line with your values.
When you've placed your X marks, take a look at the ones sitting farthest from the center. That distance isn't a failure and it isn't a grade. It's information. It shows you where your actions and your values have drifted apart, and honestly, that gap is where most of the interesting work happens. More on what to do about it in an upcoming blog.
Start Acceptance and Commitment Therapy in Columbia, MO
Getting clear on what you stand for is one thing. Living it out on the days when anxiety, grief, or exhaustion are louder than your compass is another. Most people don't need help naming their values. They need help acting on them when it's hard.
That's much of what ACT looks like in session. We figure out the direction you actually want to head, then work on what keeps pulling you off it.
If you'd like to do that with someone:
Call our Columbia office at 573-328-2288 or our Lee's Summit office at 816-287-1116.
Tell our client care coordinator a little about what's been going on.
Get matched with a therapist who fits what you're working on.
We see clients in person in Columbia and Lee's Summit, and online across Missouri. Whenever you're ready for effective care and lasting change, we're here.
About the Author
Jordan Lascuola, LCSW, is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker at Aspire Counseling in Columbia, Missouri. He earned his Master of Social Work from the University of Missouri and holds a bachelor's degree in psychology, with a minor in sociology, from Truman State University.
Jordan has been facilitating Acceptance and Commitment Therapy groups since 2017, starting at Fulton State Hospital and continuing through years of community mental health work. He also trained as a social work intern at Rock Bridge High School here in Columbia. Along the way, he built and led a tabletop role playing game therapy group for teens, which says a lot about how he thinks: meet people through what they actually care about, then do the real work from there.
Jordan works with teens and adults ages 14 and up on anxiety, depression, trauma, and life transitions. His practice is queer and neurodiverse affirming. Alongside ACT, he is trained in Dialectical Behavior Therapy and draws on compassion focused approaches. He sees clients in person in Columbia and online across Missouri.
To work with Jordan, call 573-328-2288 or reach out through our contact page.
