Does Everyone Cry In Counseling?

I could pull the stereotypical therapist response here and say, “Why do you care how everyone else acts in counseling?” In fact, I’m pretty sure I’ve said a gentler version of that before.  But if you’re reading this I’m guessing that you’re looking for a bit more direct answer, am I right?

The short answer is that no, not everyone does cry in counseling. However, pretty much everyone who participates in counseling does explore very strong emotions and most clients will experience tears at some point in their therapy journey.  And why wouldn’t they?  If you’re truly being open to the experience and looking at the things you most want to change in your life, it is only natural that stirs up all kinds of emotions some of which are expressed through tears.

I’ve found clients often fall into two camps when they first begin seeing me for counseling: either they are very comfortable with crying and cry often or they are afraid of crying and that fear may even lead to them devoting so much energy into not crying that it stands in the way of us touching on issues as deeply as we need to for them to make the kind of quick progress they are looking for.

If you cry often in session

For those who are in the first camp…there is nothing wrong with crying in session so keep expressing your feelings however you need to.  This is a safe place to be you. However you best express your genuine emotions as they come up, it is safe here.  If you find that you cry more often than you’d like though at other times, bring that up in session and we can explore that further.  Frequent crying could be a sign of depression, a sign that it’s time to make a change in your life or simply be part of your personality.

If you avoid crying in session…or even avoid counseling due to a fear you’ll cry

For those of you who hate (and I actually mean HATE) crying and want to avoid crying in session at all costs…this is a great topic to discuss in therapy.  Look at why you are avoiding crying in session. Your therapist can talk this through with you. If there’s something about sessions that makes you feel like it’s unsafe or like you might be judged, it’s critical to have a conversation with your therapist about what is causing this feeling. If it’s that you’re afraid of leaving with red eyes, perhaps you can schedule appointments differently (see below). Or if you’re afraid you won’t be able to handle the emotion your therapist can talk you through that as well. The bottom line?  It’s important to bring your avoidance of crying out into the open through an honest conversation in session rather than keep on avoiding.

How comfortable are you with crying?

If you aren’t comfortable with crying, I encourage you to consider leaning in to that uncomfortable. Take a close look at why you feel this way. Maybe sit down with a paper and pen, ask yourself why you’re uncomfortable and just jot down all of your thoughts on this topic.  I invite you to keep in mind the role avoidance plays in negative emotions and to remember that often the best way to escape something unwanted is to lean in and face it.

Ironically…I myself don’t like to cry

I understand where my clients are coming from.  I personally find that I feel exhausted after crying.  If I cry, it’s usually a pretty intense moment and I’m left feeling vulnerable and tired.  For this reason, if I have the option to strategically schedule emotional things I will. For instance, I wait to have a difficult conversation until the end of the day.  Or I’ll watch an emotional movie on the weekends (guys it’s all comedy Mon-Thurs!).  Of course, life doesn’t always work that way. You get bad news when you least expect it or are triggered by something unexpected. Still…if I have the choice I strategically schedule.

If you are like me, I would recommend scheduling appointment for a time where you’ll be able to “recover” before having to be around people.  This way, you can be open in session without feeling raw and vulnerable when you return to work/class/family.  Perhaps you’ll want a late afternoon appointment so you don’t have to go back to work, at the beginning of an extended lunch break or early in the morning on a day you go into work later. I used to avoid crying just like so many of my clients. I still can’t say that I love the experience. But I’ve learned that crying isn’t to be feared.  In fact, letting myself feel a negative emotion starts to free me from its grip. I just recognize the importance of self care before, during and after crying.

A Safe Space to Explore Your Feelings

If you are looking for a safe space where you can look at, acknowledge and just let yourself experience your strong emotions, I invite you to consider contacting Aspire Counseling today. We are a counseling center in Columbia, MO that welcomes clients from all walks of life.  We strive to make our office a safe, comforting space for you to become the very best version of yourself.

About the Author 

Jessica Tappana, LCSW is the founder, director and a therapist at Aspire Counseling in Columbia, MO.  She began Aspire Counseling in May 2017 to provide mental health services to individuals in the Mid Missouri area looking for healing from trauma, grief, anxiety and overwhelming stress.  The practice now has several therapists and serves primarily ages 12 through retirement. Jessica values providing clients with a safe space that promotes healing and only brings on therapists who share her vision of providing counseling by getting to know you as an individual and then providing treatments that work. If you’re interested in beginning your healing journey, you will find a safe and inviting space in our office.