Feeling Stuck: Negative Emotions and the Chinese Finger Trap Metaphor
Negative emotions and bad memories are like a Chinese finger trap. You know, those little toys that trap your fingers when you try to remove them. Remember playing with those as kids? Yep, those are what I mean. In fact, I keep several in my office to grab each time a client is getting trapped by their emotions. Let me explain…
What happens when you place two fingers in a Chinese finger trap and pull away? You begin to feel the toy tightening around your fingers. As you pull harder the trap only gets tighter. It closes in and squeezes your fingers. Basically, the harder you try to get out of the darn thing the more of a grip it has! This is similar to emotions. The harder you try to escape the emotions of grief, depression, fear or anxiety the more of a grip those emotions will have. You try to pull away and pretend you aren’t angry, sad or afraid. You try to forget your grief or erase a trauma from your mind. For a brief moment you might even convince yourself that you are fine. And then it happens. The emotions begins to tighten around you. The harder you try to escape a memory or an emotion, the tighter it’s grip on you becomes. The unwanted emotion or trauma memory asserts itself in random moments…when you’re drifting off to sleep, when your talking to a friend or when you’re driving in your card.
The Secret to Getting Free From Anxiety & Bad Memories
The secret to removing your fingers from a finger trap is counter intuitive-you must push your finger in. Similarly, the best way to remove the grip of anxiety, fear, sadness, anger or a bad memory is to lean in. What does this mean? It means allowing yourself to fully experience the feeling. Instead of avoiding, sit with your feelings. Acknowledge the emotion. Let yourself fully experience the emotion. Paradoxically…the grip of that emotion or memory will begin to weaken just as pushing in on the finger trap allows your fingers to escape. You’ll find that the emotion or memory will still be there, but it won’t have the power any more-you’ll be free.
But Facing Negative Emotions is Scary!
It is often very scary to face negative emotions, particularly when they are associated with a loss or trauma. In fact, it goes against human nature. Our natural response is to pull away from negative emotions. Just like it’s our natural response to try to pull our fingers out of a Chinese finger trap.
I used to almost tear up when describing anxiety treatment or trauma therapy, because I saw in my mind all of the hard work it takes to get to the place of freedom. I know the pain you will temporarily face as you begin to lean in. BUT here’s the thing…it works. Just like pushing your fingers into the Chinese finger trap works.
Support for Leaning In & Facing Negative Emotions
However, when you push your fingers in you must also support the finger trap from the outside so it stays pushed in while you release your fingers. A good, high quality mental health therapist can be that outside support. I’m not longer hesitant to describe to my clients what’s required to overcome trauma and anxiety. I still recognize how scary the pain is. But I’ve seen people get free of a Chinese finger trap in our fist session and by the third month they are just as free of their fear, anxiety & past. I know the support of a therapist combined with YOUR dedication works.
A therapist can help you find freedom through exploring your emotions in the safety of a therapy session. Contact Aspire Counseling today by e-mail or phone call. We are a Mid Missouri area mental health clinic and would like to help you push in, face what you’ve been avoiding and find freedom to move forward with your life! Healing starts here.
About the Author
Jessica Tappana, LCSW is the founder, director and a therapist at Aspire Counseling in Columbia, MO. She began Aspire Counseling in May 2017 to provide quality, evidence based mental health services . The practice now has several therapists and serves primarily ages 12 through retirement with a focus on treating trauma, grief, anxiety & strong emotions. Jessica values providing clients with a safe space that promotes healing and only brings on therapists who share her vision of providing counseling by getting to know you as an individual and then providing treatments that work. If you’re interested in beginning your healing journey, you will find a safe and inviting space in our office.
Begin Counseling with Aspire Counseling in Columbia, MO
If tired of the fear and stress and you’re experiencing signs of anxiety, please reach out to us today. We have therapists trained in treatments such as Mindfulness who will be glad to help you find some ways to find calm. We will help you to look straight at them and figure out how to begin taking the power, access calmness, and move forward! If you think you would benefit from working with a therapist who focuses on mindfulness in Columbia MO area, we’d love to help. Typically, Aspire Counseling therapists are ready to meet you where you are in your healing. To get started follow these simple steps:
1. Call 573-328-2288 or fill out our contact form.
2. Meet with one of our empathetic therapists for a free consultation.
3. Begin feeling more in control.
Other Mental Health Services at Aspire Counseling
Anxiety treatment is not the only service we offer at our Columbia, MO clinic. Other mental health services that Aspire Counseling provides include anxiety treatment, depression counseling, counseling for college students, counseling for caregivers, grief counseling, teen counseling, counseling for adults, LGBTQIA+ affirming counseling, DBT, trauma therapy for children and teens, counseling for sexual assault survivors, and online therapy. Contact us today!
