Fawning: the Trauma Responses Nobody Talks About
Trauma is a big part of the therapy world as a whole. From a therapist’s perspective, trauma seems to be a large reason why clients come to me in the first place. Trauma is identified as a natural human response to dangerous things happening to us. The way our brains interpret trauma varies from person to person. What we have known since the early 1900s is that our brain responds one of two ways: Fight or Flight.
Fight or Flight
Fight is our brain telling us to get ready for battle. My earliest memories of seeing the fight response in action, was when my sister and I would tease each other by waiting around the corner to scare one another. A tale as old as time: I would wait behind the door, my sister would walk past the door, and I would get as big and scary as I could get to make her jump. Sometimes her response would be stopping in her tracks and balling her fists into balls ready to pounce back at me.
The Flight response is not that different. Keep the same scenario above, where I’m back scaring my sister around the corner, but instead of balling her fists and squaring her shoulders, she jumps and runs away to her room.
For many years, these were often the 2 behaviors that were studied. What we know now, adds another response to our understanding of how trauma tells our brain to react.
Fawn Response
The fawn response was introduced to training, research, and practice only starting in 2013. It is defined as our brain’s response to trauma when instead of fighting or running away, our first impulse is to ensure our safety by appealing to the threat with care and a desire to meet their needs. The brain can treat a threat like this so that it either goes away completely or reduces to a point that feels managed or controlled. Similar to the flight and fight response, these behaviors can also look differently from person to person.
Typically, we can see a fawn response in the following ways:
Lacking Boundaries with others,
People pleasing,
Making sure that other people’s needs are met before your own,
Feeling burnt when showing care feels one sided,
A desire to “chameleon” and yearn for a sense of belonging, sometimes separating from who you are in your values,
Shame or guilt when exploring your own needs
Why is It so Hard to Stop When These Behaviors Hurt Us?
Our brains are so fantastic, but are sometimes very unhelpful. Our behavior is hard-wired to ensure our safety; it’s how humans have survived for so long! Just like our fight or flight response, the fawn response is just as automatic. Because it is so automatic, sometimes it takes more energy and effort to attempt to change. Despite these responses being so automatic, when we can recognize how they affect us, we can understand them more effectively by paying attention to them. Sometimes, stopping to pause can offer us the ability to recognize our needs. If you can, see if you can try it now.
However you’re reading this article, set it down for just a moment:
Simply look around you. What do you notice?
Is there anything you can hear?
What emotions or feelings are you experiencing right now?
What Can I Do About My Past Experiences That Have Led to the Fight, Flight, Freeze, or Fawn Response?
While above was one way to ground and use mindfulness in your everyday life, it might take more practice and time to change our response to the threats that our brains have identified as worrisome. There is certainly help available to you in many forms.
Further reading to best understand how our bodies (The Body Keeps the Score, Our Grandmother’s Hands) and our brains hold on to trauma from across our lifespan, including our childhoods (The Origins of You: how breaking family patterns can liberate the way you live and love)
Talking with a licensed professional in your area that specializes in a modality like Acceptance and Commitment therapy, Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing therapy, or Internal Family Systems to explore trauma.
Starting Therapy in Columbia, MO
At Aspire Counseling, we offer anxiety treatment and trauma therapy in Columbia, Missouri and online throughout the state. Our therapists are trained in evidence-based approaches like Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), EMDR, CPT, and IFS to help you understand your anxiety and move toward what matters most to you.
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About the Author:
Jordan Lascuola is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker (LCSW) with over 10 years of experience supporting clients in Columbia, Missouri. He specializes in depression, anxiety, and trauma related disorders for individuals 14 years and older. He is queer and neurodiverse affirming. He primarily uses evidenced-based approaches like Acceptance and Commitment Therapy incorporating the use of Dialectical Behavioral Therapy as well as using Tabletop Roleplaying Games (TTRPGs) to influence therapy.
At Aspire Counseling, he is committed to providing compassionate, expert care both in-person and through secure telehealth therapy for clients across Missouri.
