Homesickness Isn't Just Missing Mom's Cooking: What to Do When College Feels Overwhelming
When people talk about homesickness, they usually paint a picture of someone tearfully missing family dinners and wishing they could hug their mom. But what if your experience of "homesickness" doesn't look anything like that? What if you couldn't wait to leave home, or you had a complicated relationship with your family, or you genuinely hated high school and were counting down the days until graduation?
You might be surprised to find yourself feeling unsettled, lonely, or anxious in ways you didn't expect. You might catch yourself missing things you thought you'd be happy to leave behind. This isn't necessarily about missing specific people or places—it's about missing the familiar, the predictable, and the known.
Even if home wasn't perfect, it was yours. And your nervous system is noticing the difference.
Can You Be Homesick Even If You Didn't Love Home?
Absolutely. Homesickness isn't always about missing the people or experiences from home—it's often about missing familiarity and predictability. Your brain and nervous system had adapted to a specific environment, routine, and set of expectations. Even if that environment was stressful or difficult, it was familiar stress.
Think about it this way: you knew which classes felt overwhelming and which teachers were understanding. You knew the soundtrack of your house—when your dad got up for work, when your siblings were loudest, which floorboard creaked when you tried to sneak to the kitchen late at night. You knew how long it took to get anywhere in your town and which routes had the worst traffic.
College strips away all of these familiar markers and replaces them with uncertainty. Your nervous system, which had learned to predict and navigate your old environment, suddenly has to work overtime to make sense of everything new. This is exhausting, even when the new environment is objectively better than what you left behind.
Why Do I Miss Things I Thought I Hated?
Your brain forms attachments to familiarity, even when that familiarity includes things you didn't enjoy. You might find yourself missing your annoying little brother's constant interruptions, or feeling nostalgic for the high school cafeteria you complained about every day.
This isn't because you actually enjoyed these things—it's because they were part of your known world. They helped your brain understand what to expect and when to expect it. When everything around you is new and unpredictable, even irritating familiar things can start to feel comforting in memory.
You might also be grieving a version of yourself that no longer exists. The person who walked the familiar hallways of your high school, who knew exactly where they fit in the social ecosystem, who could navigate their hometown with their eyes closed—that person is gone now, and it's normal to feel some sadness about that, even if you're excited about who you're becoming.
What Does Homesickness Look Like When It's Not About Missing Family?
Homesickness can show up in ways that don't seem obviously connected to missing home. You might find yourself:
Feeling overwhelmed by simple decisions that never felt difficult before
Craving foods that weren't even your favorites, just because they're familiar
Feeling exhausted even when you haven't done anything particularly demanding
Scrolling through old photos from high school, even of events you didn't enjoy at the time
Feeling irritable or emotional without an obvious reason
Having trouble sleeping in your new environment
Feeling disconnected from yourself or like you don't know who you are anymore
These symptoms occur because your nervous system is working hard to adapt to constant newness. Everything from the sounds outside your dorm window to the smell of the campus dining hall is different from what your brain learned to expect as "normal."
Why Does This Time Feel So Uncertain and Overwhelming?
College represents a unique period in your life where almost everything is changing at once. You're not just changing locations—you're evolving as a person. The uncertainty you're feeling isn't a sign that something is wrong; it's evidence that you're in a period of significant growth and possibility.
Think about it: you're developing independence, discovering new interests, meeting people who might become lifelong friends, and exploring ideas that could shape your entire future. This kind of transformation is inherently unsettling because your brain doesn't yet know what to expect from this new version of your life.
The overwhelm you're experiencing is actually your mind working hard to integrate all of these new experiences and possibilities. You're not just missing the familiar—you're also processing the excitement and uncertainty of becoming who you're meant to be as an adult.
This period of your life is full of potential, even when it feels scary. The discomfort you're feeling now is often the growing pains that come with expanding your world and your sense of yourself. Many students look back on this transition period as challenging but also as one of the most important times of personal growth they ever experienced.
The key is developing new coping skills and support systems that match this new phase of your life. The strategies that helped you navigate high school might not be enough for college, and that's okay—it just means you get to develop new tools that will serve you throughout your adult life.
How Long Will This Unsettled Feeling Last?
The adjustment period varies for everyone, but most students start feeling more settled by the middle of their first semester. Your nervous system needs time to establish new patterns and create new associations with safety and comfort.
Some days will feel easier than others. You might have a week where everything feels great, followed by a day where you feel completely overwhelmed. This back-and-forth is normal and doesn't mean you're not making progress.
The goal isn't to immediately love everything about college or to stop missing familiar things entirely. The goal is to gradually build new sources of comfort and predictability while your nervous system adapts to your new environment.
What Can I Do When the Overwhelming Feeling Hits?
When homesickness or that unsettled feeling becomes intense, there are practical things you can do to help regulate your nervous system:
Create familiar anchors in your new space. This might mean playing music that reminds you of home, keeping a familiar blanket on your bed, or establishing routines that feel grounding. These anchors give your nervous system something recognizable to hold onto.
Acknowledge what you're actually missing. Instead of feeling guilty about missing things you thought you'd be happy to leave behind, try to identify what those things represented. Are you missing predictability? Community? A sense of belonging? Understanding what you're actually grieving can help you find ways to recreate those feelings in your new environment.
Focus on building new patterns. Your nervous system will start to relax as college becomes more familiar. You can speed this process by intentionally creating routines—maybe you always grab coffee from the same place before your Tuesday class, or you call home every Sunday evening.
When Should I Be Concerned About Homesickness?
Homesickness becomes concerning when it's preventing you from engaging with college life or taking care of yourself. If you're skipping classes, avoiding social opportunities, having trouble eating or sleeping for weeks, or having persistent thoughts about transferring or dropping out, it might be time to seek additional support.
Remember that college counseling centers exist specifically because this transition is challenging for many students. Seeking help doesn't mean you're not cut out for college—it means you're taking your mental health seriously.
Your Nervous System Will Adapt
What you're experiencing right now—the overwhelm, the unexpected nostalgia, the feeling of being unsettled—is your nervous system's natural response to a major life transition. Even if home wasn't perfect, it was familiar, and familiar feels safe to our brains.
This doesn't mean you made the wrong choice by coming to college. It means you're human, and humans need time to adapt to new environments. Be patient with yourself as your nervous system learns that your dorm room is safe, that your dining hall is a place of nourishment, and that your new routines can be trusted.
Support for College Transition in Missouri
If you're struggling with homesickness, feeling overwhelmed by the college transition, or finding it difficult to settle into your new environment, you don't have to navigate this alone. At Aspire Counseling, our therapists understand that homesickness can be complex and doesn't always look the way people expect it to.
We offer in-person counseling in Lee's Summit, MO, convenient for students at William Jewell College and other Kansas City area schools, as well as in Columbia, MO, making it easy for University of Missouri, Columbia College, and Moberly Area Community College students to access support. We also provide secure online therapy for students anywhere in Missouri.
The feelings you're experiencing are a normal part of one of life's biggest transitions. With the right support and understanding, you can work through this adjustment period and create the college experience you deserve.
About the Author
Jessica Tappana, LCSW, is the founder and Clinical Director of Aspire Counseling. Over the past nine years, she has helped countless college students navigate the complex emotions that come with leaving home—including students who were surprised to experience homesickness even when they were eager to start their new chapter. She understands that homesickness is often less about missing specific people or places and more about helping our nervous systems adapt to entirely new environments and routines.
