How do I help my 14 year old daughter with anxiety?
Seeing your 14-year-old daughter struggle with anxiety can stir a whirlwind of emotions. Your heart aches to see her in distress; there's an instinctual urge to step in and smooth away the edges of her anxious thoughts, to restore the laughter and ease that belong to her teenage years. But there are also moments of sheer frustration—why can't she simply let go of her worries, you wonder. Now, there are late-night searches for answers and strategies to help her. You might even feel a sense of embarrassment when situations become overwhelming in public. It's a tangled mix of concern, helplessness, and a desperate search for solutions. In those quiet, worrisome hours after she’s had a tough day, know that you're not alone.
As a parent, you want the best for your child. You care about her well-being, happiness, and long-term success. Therefore, all of these feelings are all natural and common. The good news is there are supportive steps you can take, and effective resources available right here in Blue Springs area and throughout Missouri, to help your daughter manage her anxiety.
In this blog post, we’re going to dive into some of the questions you may have about anxiety, mental health, anxiety treatment in teenagers and ways you can support your daughter as a parent.
Is it normal for a 14 year old to have anxiety?
Anxiety in and of itself isn’t necessarily always a bad thing. It’s normal and in small doses can actually be helpful sometimes. Think of it like an alarm system in our brains that tells us to be careful or get ready for something important. So, a bit of worry can lead to good things, like studying for a big test or being extra careful when learning to drive.
But, this alarm can get really loud and won't turn off. When that happens, it's more than just a little worry. When anxiety gets it ouf control, it can stop teenagers (or anyone) from doing the things they enjoy or need to do, like hanging out with friends or finishing homework or even going to school. That's when anxiety becomes a big deal. It’s at this point that it’s important to start seeking professional counseling or therapy. If your teen is stuck because of anxiety, it's important to find support. The good news is that if you live in the Kasnas City area, we have a variety of resources to support both you and your teenager as you seek to help them learn to manage their anxiety, regain a sense of control of their life and increase the joy in their day once more.
How can I treat my child's anxiety naturally?
When it comes to tackling anxiety, some families want to start with steps that don't involve medication. It's a personal choice, and it's great to know there are options out there. Therapy is a powerful choice and can work wonders. It dives deep, gets to the heart of what's bugging your teen, and teaches them how to handle those anxious feelings. It's not just about coping; it's about understanding and growing.
Think of therapy as learning the language of your mind. And sometimes, it's even more effective than medication because it can give your daughter tools and strategies they can use for a lifetime. Medication can be a big help too, and for some teens, a combination of both counseling and medication is the ticket to feeling better. In this scenario, it’s helpful to have a psychiatrist and therapist who communicate with one another and are able to work well together.
Other natural things that may support the work your child is doing in therapy to help calm their anxiety include meditation, regular exercise and practicing progressive muscle relaxation at night. Encouraging your teen to meditate can calm the storm in their head. It's like hitting the pause button on life's remote control. Then there's exercise. Running, dancing, biking—whatever gets your teen moving can also help chase the anxiety away. And then, many anxious teenagers find night a particularly challenging time as anxious thoughts creep into their mind when they are trying to fall asleep. They tend to ruminate on these thoughts and end up staying awake really late often returning to their phone to try to zone out those thoughts. Here’s a blog post I wrote about natural ways to get rid of nightmares but all of these tips can be useful for teens trying to get ride of anxious thoughts at bedtime as well, and progressive muscle relaxation in particular is my favorite one to talk to anxious teenagers about. It's all about finding that balance and what works best for your child, right here in the Blue Springs and Kansas City area.
What are some coping techniques for anxiety?
Understanding and managing anxiety can be a collaborative journey for you and your teen. While it's natural to want to offer solutions, it's also crucial to recognize that your teenager may not always welcome advice in the midst of an anxious episode. It's about timing and approach. When your 14-year-old daughter opens up about her struggles with anxiety or is seeking ways to cope, that’s your cue to gently step in.
Start by actively listening to her experience. Show empathy and validate her feelings, reflecting back what she’s shared to demonstrate your understanding. Once she feels heard, ask if she’s open to discussing some strategies that could help. Suggest exploring these techniques together, weighing their benefits, and tailoring them to her needs, rather than simply prescribing them. This not only respects her autonomy but also empowers her to take an active role in managing her anxiety.
Specific Coping Strategies for Teen Anxiety
Here are some effective techniques that can be part of your conversation:
1. Grounding Techniques: This is about getting back in touch with the here and now. When anxiety tries to whisk your teen away on a worry-filled adventure, grounding can bring them back. One popular method is the "5-4-3-2-1" grounding technique, which involves naming five things they can see, four they can touch, three they can hear, two they can smell, and one they can taste. It's like a reality check for their senses.
2. Breathing Exercises: Anxiety often messes with breathing, so taking control back can be a game-changer. Teach your daughter the "4-7-8" breathing technique. Breathe in for 4 seconds, hold for 7, and exhale for 8. It's like a reset button for her nervous system. Even just basic diaphragmatic breathing or really any sort of paced breathing activity can be extremely helpful for anxiety. I recommend individuals with anxiety try several to see which works the best for them.
3. Progressive Muscle Relaxation (PMR): Ideal for those night-time worry marathons, PMR is a technique that involves tensing and then relaxing each muscle group. Starting from the toes and working up to the head, it can turn those racing thoughts into a distant murmur.
4. Journaling: Getting thoughts out of the head and onto paper can make them seem more manageable. It's a bit like cleaning a cluttered room. Once everything's laid out, it's easier to see what's what.
5. Mindfulness and Meditation: By focusing on the present, mindfulness can help teens not get too tangled up in thoughts about the past or the future. Meditation apps or local classes can be great starting points.
6. Exercise: Physical activity is a natural anxiety reliever. It burns off pent-up energy and releases endorphins, which are the body's feel-good chemicals.
7. Creative Outlets: Drawing, painting, or playing music can be soothing for the soul. It's a way to express feelings that might be too hard to put into words.
8. Scheduled Worry Time: Set aside 20 minutes a day for your teen to worry on purpose. Outside that time, when worries come up, they can write them down and postpone them until their "worry period."
9. Ask Your Anxiety Challenging Questions: Some teens find it helpful to “talk back” to their anxiety. This is a favorite CBT technique of mine. I often describe anxious thoughts to teenagers as if they’re really appealing-looking clothes you see hanging on the rack in a store. You don’t have to buy all of them. But you have to have a way to choose which ones to buy. You have to have some criteria to choose which to buy when you try them on. So, there are specific questions you can ask such as, “Am I confusing something that could possibly happen with something that’s likely to happen? Here are challenging questions to ask your anxious thoughts.
Each teen is unique, so it may take some experimenting to find out which techniques work best. And remember, in the Blue Springs and wider Kansas City area, our therapists are here to help your teen learn and practice these strategies, guiding them through the rough patches with expertise and care.
Have I Caused My Daughter’s Anxiety?
It’s a question that might keep you up at night: "Have I caused my daughter’s anxiety?" As a parent, you naturally wonder if your actions or the home environment have contributed to her feelings of anxiety. It’s important to know that anxiety can come from many places, and it's not as simple as one cause or one person being responsible. Even if your daughter hurled the insult at you in a moment of anxiety or anger, “You’re the reason I’m anxious in the first place,” that doesn’t make it true. Even if you DID contribute somehow to her anxiety, that doesn’t tell the whole story.
What you can do is focus on the present and future. It’s about what steps you take now to support your daughter. Encouraging open conversations, providing a stable and understanding home environment, and seeking the support of counseling near Blue Springs or Lee's Summit can be part of the positive path forward.
Is Anxiety Inherited From a Mother or Father?
Wondering if anxiety is something your daughter inherited from you or her other parent? The truth is, anxiety can run in families, but it's not just about genes. Environment and life experiences play a significant role too. It’s like a puzzle made of many pieces—genes, personality, life events, and family dynamics.
If you’re concerned about the role of inheritance, use this as an opportunity to talk about family history in a constructive way. It can be empowering for your daughter to understand her own story and to know that she has support.
Furthermore, I think this is an important point where I want to say that if you do have anxiety of your own, it can be incredibly powerful if you get help for yourself at the same time your child is in therapy. I’ve worked with multiple teens who DID have anxiety, but who also pointed out to me that they felt it was unfair that their parent insisted they come to therapy when their parent also had anxiety. In fact, as their anxiety improved they became upset that more and more often what we were talking about was their parent’s anxiety. That’s what prompted me to write this blog post on why mom’s mental health matters too. If you have anxiety and you are asking your teenager to attend counseling, I strongly suggest that you offer to attend counseling as well. It can be really, really powerful to show your daughter how you value mental health by both of you seeing your own individual therapist. It’s common at Aspire Counseling that we have this sort of scenario where we have a parent and their teenager seeing two different therapists. I will say that we generally recommend a teen and parent each have their own individual therapist who is “their” person whenever possible.
What Not to Do With a Child With Anxiety?
When you're trying to help your child manage anxiety, it's just as important to know what not to do. Avoid dismissing their feelings by saying things like "Just relax" or "There's nothing to worry about." These phrases, while often well-intentioned, can make your daughter feel misunderstood or unsupported. They’re invalidating and can unfortunately actually make the anxiety worse.
Also, try not to become anxious about her anxiety. It’s easy to let your own concerns amplify the situation. Stay calm and be the steady presence she needs. Don't push her into situations she’s not ready to handle, but do encourage small steps and celebrate her progress.
What Do I Say to My Daughter With Anxiety?
Finding the right words can be tough. Start with "I’m here for you," and "I believe in you." These simple phrases can provide immense comfort. Ask her how she’s feeling and what she needs—sometimes she might just need to be heard. Offer reassurance that anxiety is something many people manage successfully and that it’s okay to ask for help.
Remind her that her feelings are valid and that you will work through this together. Whether it’s seeking counseling in the Kansas City area, practicing new coping strategies, or just sitting together in a quiet moment, let her know she’s not alone in this journey.
Am I Enabling My Child’s Anxiety?
It's a delicate balance for parents: providing support without inadvertently enabling anxiety. You might let your child skip school for a day to avoid a stressful situation, hoping it'll give them a break. But this can unintentionally send a message that avoidance is a solution, which may increase anxiety over time.
Remember, the goal is to empower your child to face their fears with the right tools and support, not to avoid them altogether. This doesn't mean you push them into overwhelming situations, but rather you guide and support them through it. Collaborating with a therapist can provide strategies to handle these scenarios. Counselors in Lee's Summit or online therapists in Missouri can offer guidance on how to strike the right balance between supporting and enabling.
By approaching anxiety as a challenge that can be worked through, rather than a threat that must be avoided, you help build resilience in your child. Each small step they take is progress, and each challenge they overcome is a victory worth celebrating.
Does My Daughter Need Counseling for Anxiety?
When anxiety starts to block the paths your 14-year-old wants to take—whether that's hanging out with friends, going to school, or just being part of the family—it's a sign that help is needed. Counseling isn't a sign of weakness; it's a smart strategy to tackle anxiety before it grows too big.
It's like when a splinter gets stuck in your hand. You can leave it in and hope it gets better on its own, but it usually just gets more painful. Getting help—like looking for counseling near Blue Springs or considering pre-teen and teen counseling in Missouri—is like using tweezers to take the splinter out. It might be uncomfortable at first, but it leads to healing.
If your daughter has mustered the courage to ask for therapy, take it seriously. She's trusting you to take her hand and guide her toward the help she needs. Putting it off might save time and money now, but it can cost more of both in the long run—not to mention the emotional toll. Listen to her, and act promptly. Your support might just be the turning point she needs.
Anxiety Treatment for Teens in Lee’s Summit & Throughout Missouri
Watching your daughter grapple with anxiety can make you feel powerless, but you're not alone in this journey. At Aspire Counseling, our teen therapists here to extend the support and guidance both you and your daughter need during this challenging time.
Our therapists in Lee's Summit enjoy working with teenagers and helping them find their footing amidst the confusion that anxiety brings. We believe in a compassionate, personalized approach to counseling —one that respects your daughter's individual experience and empowers her to navigate her world with confidence.
Whether you're considering face-to-face sessions or looking for the flexibility of online therapy, we cater to your family's needs. We're not just limited to in-office visits; our pre-teen and teen counseling services can include online counseling, ensuring your daughter has access to consistent support wherever she feels most comfortable.
Anxiety doesn't have to define your daughter's teenage years. From managing school stress to tackling the root causes of anxiety, our team is equipped to help your daughter—and you—as you both learn and grow through these trying times.
If you're ready to take the step towards healing and growth, reach out to us. Call our office or fill out our online contact form. We're here to walk this path with you, providing professional support for every hurdle and celebrating every victory. Your daughter's brighter days are ahead, and we're ready to help her—and you—meet them with hope and strength.
About the Author
Jessica Tappana, LCSW, founded Aspire Counseling to offer a beacon of support for teens and families grappling with mental health challenges in Missouri and was excited to bring Aspire Counseling’s compassionate care to the Blue Springs and Kansas City area in early 2023. Her therapeutic approach blends evidence-based practices with genuine empathy, focusing on anxiety and trauma to guide her clients toward healing. Committed to demystifying mental health care, Jessica's expertise and heartfelt writing make counseling approachable for those seeking guidance. Outside the therapy room, she's a steadfast advocate for mental wellness and enjoys spending time cheering for the chiefs and traveling with her family in her spare time.
