My Teenager Was Assaulted: What Do I Do Right Now?

Finding out your teenager was assaulted is every parent's worst nightmare. Your mind is probably racing with questions, fears, and an overwhelming urge to fix this somehow. You might feel completely out of your depth—and that's completely normal.

Right now, you're likely experiencing a mix of emotions. Anger at whoever hurt your child. Guilt about whether you could have prevented this. Fear about how this will affect your teenager's future. Confusion about what to do next. All of these feelings are valid and expected.

As a therapist who has worked with many teenagers and young adults who have experienced sexual assault, I want you to know that what you do in these next few hours and days can make a huge difference in your teen's healing process. Your response matters—not because you caused this, but because you have the power to help your teenager feel supported and believed.

Let's walk through what you need to know right now to help your teenager and your family navigate this difficult time.

What should I do first after my teenager was assaulted?

Your first priority is to make sure your teenager feels safe, believed, and supported. Listen to what they're telling you without judgment. Let them know they did the right thing by telling you. Reassure them that this was not their fault and that you will help them get through this.

The most important thing you can do right now is believe your teenager. This might seem obvious, but in the shock of the moment, some parents inadvertently send messages of doubt through their questions or reactions. Your teen took an enormous risk telling you what happened. They need to know you trust them completely.

Accept that your teenager might not be ready to share every detail right now. This doesn't mean they're hiding something or that their story isn't true. Trauma affects memory and processing. Your teen might remember things differently as time goes on, or they might need time before they can talk about certain parts of what happened.

Tell your teenager they did the right thing by telling you. Many teens worry they'll get in trouble for where they were, what they were doing, or decisions they made. Make it clear that you're grateful they trusted you with this information and that your only concern is helping them heal.

Finally, start looking into professional help. Trauma therapy isn't something you have to figure out on your own. There are therapists specifically trained to help teenagers who have experienced assault, and getting professional support early can make a significant difference in your teen's recovery.

What should I avoid doing after my teen's assault?

Avoid asking repeated questions about details of the assault. Resist the urge to obsessively question your teenager about what happened, even though your mind is probably full of questions. Repeated questioning can feel like interrogation and may make your teen feel like you don't believe them or that they're somehow on trial.

Never suggest that your teenager did anything to cause or deserve what happened to them. This includes comments about their friends, their behavior, what they were wearing, or where they were. Statements like "I told you those friends were trouble" or "This is why I don't want you drinking" are incredibly harmful, even if you don't mean them that way.

Don't make this about your own feelings right now. While your emotions are valid and you'll need support too, your teenager needs to know that you can handle this news without falling apart. Save your own emotional processing for conversations with other adults, not with your teen.

Avoid making big decisions about reporting, changing schools, or other major life changes without involving your teenager in the conversation. While you want to protect them, taking away their sense of control can actually make trauma symptoms worse.

Don't promise things you can't control, like "this will never happen again" or "everything will go back to normal soon." Instead, focus on what you can promise: that you believe them, that you love them, and that you'll help them get through this.

If your teenager is talking to you about what happened, that is great. If they’re not, know that it’s also normal to be resistant to talking to your parents. Some teens will ask their parents for therapy. Other teenagers will want to pretend nothing happened and say they don’t need therapy. In other words, there are a wide range of “normal” responses for a teenager who has experienced something awful. Please don’t put expectations on them that they should react a specific way. But DO encourage them to get professional help.

Was my teenager's assault my fault as a parent?

No, this is absolutely not your fault. Sexual assault happens to teenagers from every type of family, every socioeconomic background, every parenting style, and every personality type. Good parents raise children who experience assault. Involved parents have teens who are victimized. Careful, protective parents still can't prevent every possible harm.

In my years of working with families affected by sexual assault, I've seen this happen to teens whose parents did everything "right." I've worked with families where parents were highly involved, set appropriate boundaries, and had open communication with their children. I've also worked with teens whose parents were more hands-off but still loving and supportive.

Sexual assault is never the victim's fault, and it's never the parents' fault either. The only person responsible for an assault is the person who committed it. Full stop.

What matters now is not what you could have done differently before, but what you do moving forward. You didn't cause this, but you absolutely can be part of your teenager's healing. Your response now—believing them, supporting them, and getting them professional help—is what will make the difference.

It's normal to feel guilty or to replay scenarios in your mind. That's a natural response to trauma that affects the whole family. But channeling that energy into supporting your teen's healing will be much more helpful than spending time on self-blame.

What trauma therapy will actually help my teenager after assault?

The most effective treatment for teenagers who have experienced sexual assault is Trauma-Focused Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (TF-CBT). This approach is specifically designed for teens and has the strongest research backing for treating trauma in adolescents, particularly high school students.

TF-CBT helps teenagers process what happened to them in a safe, structured way. It teaches practical coping skills while gradually helping teens work through their trauma memories. The approach is designed specifically for teenage brain development and typically takes 12-16 sessions to see significant improvement.

At Aspire Counseling, we're proud to have therapists trained in TF-CBT at both of our locations. Ashley Elder provides TF-CBT in our Lee's Summit office serving the Kansas City metro area, and Kristi Sveum offers this treatment in our Columbia office serving Mid Missouri. Both are PTSD experts with years of experience specifically helping teenagers who have experienced sexual assault.

For older teenagers (17-18 years old), other evidence-based treatments like EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) and CPT (Cognitive Processing Therapy) can also be highly effective. We offer these treatments as well and can help determine which approach might be the best fit for your specific teenager.

The key is starting with a therapist who specializes in teen trauma and uses treatments that have been proven to work. Not all therapy is the same, and trauma-specific approaches are much more effective than general counseling for sexual assault recovery.

How quickly should I get my teenager into trauma therapy?

Start looking for a trauma therapist as soon as possible, ideally within the first few weeks after the assault. Early intervention can prevent trauma symptoms from becoming more severe and can help your teenager develop healthy coping strategies right away.

That said, don't panic if it takes a few weeks to find the right therapist or get an appointment. The most important thing is finding someone who specializes in teen trauma and uses evidence-based treatments like TF-CBT, EMDR, or CPT.

While you're waiting for a therapy appointment, focus on providing consistent support and maintaining normal routines as much as possible. Let your teen know that professional help is coming and that you're committed to helping them heal.

Remember that healing is a process, not an event. Your teenager may need time to feel ready for therapy, and that's okay. What matters is that you're taking steps to get them the help they need and that they know you're there to support them every step of the way.

Trauma & PTSD Treatment for Teenagers in Missouri

Discovering that your teenager was assaulted is overwhelming, but you don't have to figure this out by yourself. Professional help is available, and with the right support, teenagers can and do heal from sexual assault.

At Aspire Counseling, we understand the unique challenges that families face after a sexual assault. Our trauma specialists have years of experience helping teenagers and their families navigate this difficult time with compassion, expertise, and evidence-based treatment approaches.

We serve families throughout Missouri with offices in Lee's Summit and Columbia, as well as secure online therapy options. If you're ready to take the next step in getting your teenager the help they need, contact us today for a free consultation. We're here to support both you and your teen through this healing journey.

Call 573-328-2288 to speak with a member of our client care team. We’ll take the time to chat about your teenager, your family and what happened. Then, we’ll pair you with a teen therapist who can truly help.

Your teenager's assault was not your fault, and with proper support and treatment, they can heal and move forward. The fact that you're reading this and seeking help shows that you're exactly the kind of parent your teen needs right now.

About the Author: This post was written by Jessica Tappana, LCSW, founder and clinical director of Aspire Counseling. Jessica has years of experience treating teenagers and young adults who have experienced sexual assault and is trained in TF-CBT, though she refers all TF-CBT cases to Ashley Elder and Kristi Sveum who specialize extensively in this approach. What sets Aspire Counseling apart is our commitment to true evidence-based treatment, combining well-researched interventions known to help teens who have been assaulted with professional expertise and experience, always meeting each individual teenager exactly where they are in their healing journey.