Although the term “self-care” has been recorded since the mid 1500’s, I do believe it’s a term that has recently become much more popular. It comes up in therapy sessions, with friends and family, and on commercials. Usually, it comes after someone has shown me their manicured nails or I comment on their new hair style. Ads tell us that self-care is taking a vacation, buying skin care products, or any other form of indulgence. Now let me be clear- I have nothing against any of these things especially since I too, enjoy a good skin cream and a vacation. And it’s no wonder we all need some self-care with all of the demands we all have! From teenagers to adults, the requirements to succeed in life just keep growing. Teens and college students are now expected to have internships or to take summer classes instead of working as a lifeguard or any seasonal job during the summer. With remote work, it’s become harder to set boundaries and create a work-life balance. It seems like no matter what age you are, there are a number of people that want to bite off a chunk of your time. I myself, talk to people about self-care and the importance of implementing it in their lives. However, I have noticed that in conversations with people that their idea of self-care usually falls into three categories: meeting your basic needs, indulgences, or escaping from your life. None of these are things, I believe, enhance anyone’s life. They are either basic necessities or superficial band aids to a much larger problem. So, I’d like to offer a different perspective on self- care.

So, what is self- care?

To me, self-care is creating a life that you don’t have to run away or escape from but one that is sustainable and mostly enjoyable. It’s creating a life that you don’t dread living every morning as the alarm goes off. Self-care is not just looking forward to the weekend which is filled with trying to recharge from an exhausting week. It’s not allowing for the scale to tip so heavily towards responsibilities and obligations or stress and anxiety. Self-care isn’t a huge gulp of air as you try to keep yourself from drowning, it’s being on the boat and having some floaties around just in case a storm hits.

Are you rethinking your self-care now?

I hope so. It may seem and feel overwhelming to think of self-care in these terms. If that’s the case, doing just one of the following things can help you start engaging in more meaningful self-care.

Be Real About Your Self Care Needs

First, think about what would make your life less dreadful? What kind of life would you WANT to wake up to? Is there a forgotten hobby that used to bring you joy? A bucket list item that has been long since forgotten? What have you said no to in order to say yes to someone else? I like to take a look at 9 different areas of life and see what areas I’m not engaging in. These areas are friends, family, career, education, health, hobbies, spirituality, community involvement, and creativity. Explore these areas and what they mean to you and how you could become more connected each one.

Look at How You’re Spending Your Time

Start taking control over your time. You don’t always owe others your time. You can say no to a social invitation that you’d rather not go to or are too tired to attend. You can say no to non-mandatory overtime and say no to all of those thing’s society tells us we have to do participating in every organization to be competitive in college applications or to stand out to future employers or grad schools, having our kids involved in 5 sports and extracurricular activities we have to take them to and sit through, or volunteering every week to be deemed a good citizen in our community. Do a time audit and decide if there are any time-suckers that you can say no to or pause.

Letting go of consistency and allowing for flexibility. Now there are certain things that do require consistency such as paying bills, making it to work on time, and taking care of the kids or pets. However, some people hold themselves to unreasonable expectations when it comes to consistency. If you want to engage in fitness, meditation, keeping the house clean, engaging in relationships, look for different ways of doing these things instead forcing yourself to do it one way all the time. For example, some days I get in a solid hour at the gym and other days I might do a 20 minute at home yoga video or feel satisfied with just walking my dogs. Some weeks I deep clean and other weeks I work more towards just maintaining my home clean. Flexibility can give you back more of your time and reduce stress and pressure you may feel.

Put Yourself First

This one is a hard one for me. It’s so much easier to put off my needs and wants for others but in the long run, I notice resentment building. Learning how to gracefully explain that you already have plans or that this time, you can’t give someone a ride is an important part of self-care. I once heard someone say, “Every time you say yes to someone else, you are saying no to yourself.” Make sure that you are feeding your own self-worth by deeming yourself important enough to be put first.

Self-Care Can Even Come in the Form of Therapy

And finally, self-care can also come with going to therapy and allowing yourself an hour a week to focus on yourself, your healing, your exploration and journey into understanding yourself. We here at Aspire work with a variety of needs, we work with college students, and adults of all ages, experiencing depression, anxiety, stress, life transitions, grief, trauma and PTSD, and so much more. You may learn that there are bigger things getting in your way of practicing self-care in your everyday life or this might be the place where you remember that you enjoyed writing and would like to pick up a pencil to write something down that isn’t a grocery list or to-do item. So, if you are having a hard time living your everyday life, I encourage you to deepen your practice of self-care. Now excuse me as I skip my morning workout to watch cartoons with my kids.

About the Author

Diana Hughes is an LPC at Aspire Counseling. She believes heavily in self-care and tries to practice it herself when she is not watching cartoons with her kids! Diana is a virtual therapist, and works with those experiencing trauma, depression, anxiety, and specializes in DBT. Diana also works with Spanish speaking clients and can even do walk-and-talk therapy in the Kansas City area!