What I wish my clients knew

There are so many things I wish I could say to my clients. Sometimes, I do say these things. But often, I don't either because the opportunity doesn't present themselves or just plain because the focus is on my client's and their goals. But these things are there and they impact how I interact with my clients ever day.

I truly care about my counseling clients and their well-being.

This one may be simple, but it's just so true. My client's aren't just a number. They're human beings. And the therapeutic relationship is a real one. Sure, it's different from other relationships in your life (see below), but it's real. And you matter.

I think about my clients when I'm at home. I mean, not as much as your mom or best friend might think about you. But I do think about you from time to time. When I see something on the news I may think, "Oh that probably affects _______. I should be ready to talk about that." Or when I hear someone talking about a profession that I have a client in that profession I'll think about the things you've taught me about your experience in that field.

I also care about your success. The best thing in the world for me is to hear from a client months or years after I've finished working with them and hear how they're doing. Or when someone comes in for just a couple sessions to process a new stressor and I find out that even though this situation is stressful, there are other things going well for them.

As my client, you matter to me. Truly you do.

No matter how strong our therapeutic relationship is, it's still different than a friendship.

My clients are often some of my favorite people on Earth. But that doesn't mean I treat them like my friends. It's just a different role.

For starters, I'm pretty direct with my opinions when I'm talking to my friends. I'm sure any of them would tell you that if you asked, lol. I mean, I still may bring a less judgmental stance than many in their life and sure I use some of the communication skills I've learned in my professional life to conversations, but it's just different. I truly have a different mindset when I'm sitting down to talk to a client versus a friend. Again, it's not that one group (my clients or my friends) are more/less important. It's just different. And that's why your friends can't replace your therapist and your therapist can't replace your friends. You need both.

My number one goal is to help them be successful in meeting their goals.

I remember one time when an upset teenager told me that I just wanted her to stay sick so I could keep getting paid. I wondered if that's what clients actually think. In reality, it couldn't be further from the truth. We get more calls every single week than we can serve clients. I don't like that fact either, because it means every single day there are people in our community having trouble finding a therapist. But that's the reality. There are no shortage of people needing mental health services. So, the primary goal is never to make money off you. If you're on my caseload, it's because I want to see you and I believe I can help you. The same goes for every therapist at Aspire as our deep desire to do the best job possible helping people find healing and meet their goals is what brings us together.

I believe everybody deserves to find healing and happiness. And because I'm in private practice, I have the ability to only accept clients who I truly feel I can help. So, that's always my deepest desire and the primary motivation for our work. I will bend over backward to help my clients often reading new books or attending new training if I think it'll help a client.

And if I don't think I'm the right person to help you meet your goals? I'll refer you out. It'll be bitter-sweet because I wanted to help you. But more than anything, I want you to see you make progress, create a life worth living and reach your goals.

While I may not always agree with what they say or do, I still respect and support them.

As your therapist, it's not my job to judge you. That said, there are times where a client makes a different decision than I would. But that's ok. Because I understand that so, so many factors influence what you say or do.

My job is to support you. So, you have my unconditional positive regard. I believe in you and want to see you succeed.

I've had multiple clients who appeared to worry about whether or not I agreed or approved of a decision. Again, I'm not your friend. I'm your therapist. So, it's just different.

My job is to help you reach YOUR goals and life your life in line with YOUR values, preferences, wants and needs. So, that's how I'll view your decisions and what you say. I'll look at it in through that framework and ask you questions to help you explore how YOU feel about that topic. Because that's what matters in therapy-YOU.

At the end of the day, if you have different personal values or goals or priorities than I do through our discussions you'll make different choices than I would. And if you feel supported then I've done my job.

Even when things are tough, I will continue to work hard to provide the best counseling services possible.

Therapy is hard work. There are times when we delve deep into tough emotions or memories. But that's ok. Because it means we're making progress. And, as your therapist, I will be there with you every step of the way-through the good and the bad. And when I need to, I'll consult with a colleague, attend a training, read a book, etc. Because I want to be the best possible therapist I can be.

There are times where I need to step away from a case, but it's never because I don't care about that client.

Rather, it's because I want to ensure that I'm providing the best service possible for them. These are difficult situations. I remember last year I had to move some of my clients off my caseload because I was dealing with a personal medical issue and realized I couldn't maintain the caseload I had. It was agonizing to decide which clients to transition. But I consulted with colleagues about each and every case and with every client I asked myself and my colleagues the same question, "What is the best possible decision for this particular client to get the right support?" I've also referred out clients when a new issue came up that I don't have the personal expertise to help them as much as someone else would.

These are situations outside the client's control. It's not about the client. It's about getting them the best possible care. Essentially, I care so much that I will step away. But I won't leave a client hanging. I'll work with the client and sometimes with colleagues to give that client the best possible recommendations so they can continue working toward their goal.

My primary motivation as your therapist is your wellbeing.

Truthfully, this is a field most people go into because they care. It’s a hard, emotional job. But I love it. And the longer I’m in the field the more I know I was meant to do this work. At this point in my career, I do a lot of things other than seeing individual clients. I supervise our counseling intern, hire new therapists, lead consultation time for our team, pay the bills for the practice, do any marketing that happens for the practice, attend conferences (virtually & in person), consult with other professionals, and the list goes on….But the best part of the job remains the same: seeing clients. Even when I’m exhausted. Even when a client is really struggling or a session doesn’t seem to go very well. This is still the part of my week I look forward to the most.

The seeing clients part of the job is why I went into this field. Seeing my clients progress is the thing that gets me the most excited. That hope I hold for my clients even when they feel hopeless is still what motivates me to come to work each day.

I believe deeply in the power of psychotherapy to change lives. I’ve seen it change lives. And I believe everybody deserves that kind of support and healing. So, I keep showing up. I keep bringing the best of myself to counseling sessions. And I keep taking a loooooong time to hire each new therapist to make sure that’s why they’re here too. Essentially, I only hire new therapists that I can envision who I’d send their way and who I respect so deeply that I want them on our team so I can consult with them about my own clients when I need support.

So, know that we care. Know this is a profession full of people with big hearts.

Sometimes, the job is tough but I can handle it.

It’s back to that caring thing. Because I care, I hurt for your sometimes too. Some days are hard. Some days I feel the pain of the world and it’s so, so heavy. I see you trying. And I see the setbacks you have. The world has been unfair to you, and I know it. You’re cleaning up other people’s mess and taking on more than your fair share. Don’t kid yourself. I feel that. It’s heavy for me too. There are times I even shed a few tears for my clients.

But I can handle that. I walked into this job knowing it would be hard and emotional. So, I practice what I preach. I draw healthy boundaries (see below). I practice self care. Sometimes I seek my own therapy. I prioritize happy moments in my own life. And, I use all of the same coping skills I’m teaching you. You see, I know that I have to take care of myself in order to support you. And, it’s worth that pain and heaviness I feel from time to time to know that YOU are reaching your goals. It’s that knowledge and that hope I have for you that keeps me going.

When I draw boundaries, it’s also because I care.

Right now, one of my boundaries is that I don’t see clients after school. This is a HARD boundary to keep because I love working with teens. But I keep it, because this is special time I spend with my own family. And I know I’m a better therapist when I’m attending to my own family. That self care thing? It goes for therapists as well. So, I’m modeling for you the importance of prioritizing self care and sticking to healthy boundaries.

I am constantly learning and growing as a therapist.

Every day brings new challenges and new lessons. Each year I read new research and attend new training. I talk to colleagues and read books. I recently had a conversation with a former client I worked with several years ago. Through our discussion, I admitted that had they worked with me now I would've taken a slightly different course of treatment.

I believe this is part of being a good therapist. I love the training I've attended and I do the absolute best work I can. But the knowledge in this field is RAPIDLY expanding. Society is changing as well. As is technology. So many things that influence my work change over the years. Therefore, my techniques and approaches should change and evolve.

About the Author

Jessica Tappana is a the founder of Aspire Counseling. She believes deeply in the power of psychotherapy to transform lives and is dedicated to helping more people get effective counseling services. Clinically, Jessica works with clients ranging in age from preteens through retirement. Most of her current work is focused on helping people with significant anxiety or overwhelming stress. She also has spent many years specializing in offering trauma therapy including ptsd treatment for survivors of sexual assault.

Now, while Jessica still sees a number of individual counseling clients each week, much of her time is also spent supporting the other counselors at our practice. She believes therapists are best able to help their clients when their own needs are met. Therefore, it’s critical for Aspire Counseling empower and support each of our clinicians.