Why Can't I Turn Off My Brain at Night? Racing Thoughts, Anxiety, and What Actually Helps
You’re exhausted. You’ve been running all day. You finally get into bed, close your eyes… and your brain wakes up.
Suddenly, every thought you managed to avoid all day shows up at once. The email you forgot to send. The conversation that didn’t go well. The thing you said in a meeting three weeks ago. Tomorrow’s to-do list. Next month’s bills. That weird thing your kid said at dinner.
Your body is tired. But your mind is wide awake.
If you’ve ever laid in bed staring at the ceiling, wondering why your brain won’t just stop, you’re not alone. This is one of the most common things we hear from clients at our Lee’s Summit office—especially high-achieving professionals who spend their days managing a lot.
You’re not broken. Your brain is actually doing something predictable. And once you understand why it happens, you can start to change it.
In this post, we’ll talk about why your brain gets louder at night, what’s really going on beneath the surface, and what actually helps. Not generic sleep tips. Real strategies that work for anxious minds.
Why does my brain get louder at night?
All day long, you’ve been avoiding your thoughts. You stayed busy. You distracted yourself. You pushed things aside to deal with “later.” Then your head hits the pillow—and later arrives. The distractions are gone, and all those thoughts you’ve been outrunning finally catch up.
Think about your typical day.
You wake up and immediately start doing things. Getting ready. Getting kids ready. Checking email. Commuting on I-470 or 291. Handling tasks at work. Responding to people. Solving problems. Making decisions. By the time you get home, you’re depleted—but there’s still dinner, dishes, maybe helping with homework or catching up on things around the house.
Throughout all of that, your brain has been flagging things: Don’t forget this. We need to think about that. That situation felt weird—we should process it.
But you didn’t have time. So your brain set those thoughts aside, waiting for a quiet moment.
Bedtime is often the first quiet moment you’ve had all day.
No tasks. No noise. No distractions. Just you and the dark and a brain full of unprocessed thoughts. So everything comes flooding in at once.
There’s another piece too: your brain is afraid of forgetting.
Sleep feels risky to an anxious mind. You’re about to be unconscious for hours. What if you forget something important? What if you wake up and realize you missed something? So your brain tries to work through everything now, before you drift off. It’s trying to protect you. It’s just doing it at the worst possible time.
If this sounds like your brain in other areas of life too, you might also relate to our post: Why Can’t I Stop Overthinking? (And What Actually Helps).
Is it normal to have racing thoughts before bed?
Yes—racing thoughts at night are extremely common, especially for people who carry a lot during the day. But “common” doesn’t mean you have to live with it. When racing thoughts happen every night and interfere with your sleep, it’s worth addressing. Your brain can learn new patterns.
If you’re someone who manages a lot—at work, at home, for other people—your brain has been in “on” mode all day. It doesn’t just flip a switch because you got into bed.
This is especially true for people with high-functioning anxiety. You might look calm and capable during the day. But inside, there’s a part of you that’s always scanning, planning, and preparing for what could go wrong. That part doesn’t just disappear at night. It often gets louder when everything else gets quiet.
If you’ve read What is High-Functioning Anxiety? (And Do I have It?) you might recognize this pattern we’ve described before. You might also like: Work Anxiety vs. Burnout: How to Tell the Difference and When to Get Help.
The good news is that this isn’t a permanent feature of who you are. It’s a pattern—and patterns can be changed.
Why does anxiety feel worse at night?
Anxiety often feels worse at night because there’s nothing to distract you from it. During the day, you’re busy. At night, it’s just you and your thoughts. Plus, your body may be tired, which makes everything feel harder to manage. Exhaustion lowers your ability to cope with stress—so worries that felt manageable at noon can feel overwhelming at midnight.
There’s a reason people talk about feeling “wired but tired.”
Your body is exhausted. You’ve been running on stress hormones all day. But your nervous system hasn’t gotten the message that it’s safe to rest. It’s still activated. Still scanning. Still on guard.
This is what happens when your nervous system gets stuck in “alert mode.” Even when there’s no real threat, your body acts like there might be. Your heart rate stays elevated. Your muscles stay tense. Your brain keeps churning.
If you want a helpful framework for this, our post on your Window of Tolerance explains why “calm” can feel out of reach when your system is overloaded.
And here’s the cruel irony: the more tired you are, the harder it is to regulate your emotions. When you’re well-rested, a worry might feel like a small thing. When you’re depleted, that same worry can feel catastrophic.
So you’re lying in bed, physically exhausted but mentally spinning, with fewer resources to calm yourself down. No wonder it feels overwhelming.
(If you’re also dealing with chronic pain that ramps up at night, this may be relevant too: When Pain and Emotion Collide: How Chronic Pain Affects Mood, Sleep, and Mental Health.)
Why doesn’t “just relax” work?
“Just relax” doesn’t work because relaxation isn’t something you can force. If your nervous system is activated, telling yourself to calm down often backfires. You might even feel more anxious because now you’re stressed about not being able to relax.
Real calm comes from helping your body feel safe—not from white-knuckling your way to sleep.
If you’ve ever tried to think your way out of anxiety at 2 a.m., you know how well that works. (Spoiler: it doesn’t.)
That’s because anxiety isn’t just in your head. It’s in your body. Your nervous system is activated, pumping out stress hormones, keeping you on high alert. You can’t talk yourself out of a physiological state.
In fact, trying to force yourself to relax often makes things worse. Now you’re anxious and frustrated with yourself for being anxious. You’ve got a critical part of you saying, Why can’t you just calm down? What’s wrong with you?
That inner critic isn’t helping. It’s adding another layer of stress.
What actually works is different. Instead of fighting your anxious thoughts, you work with your nervous system. Help your body feel safer. Give your brain what it actually needs.
What actually helps with racing thoughts at night?
Evidence-based strategies work better than generic sleep tips. Scheduled “worry time” gives your brain a designated space to process concerns—so it doesn’t hijack bedtime. Progressive muscle relaxation helps your body release tension. Keeping a notepad by the bed lets you externalize thoughts so your brain can let go.
Here are strategies that actually work—based on research and what we see help our clients:
1) Scheduled worry time (yes, really)
This might sound counterintuitive: set aside 15–30 minutes earlier in the day specifically to worry.
Pick a time and place. Sit with your worries on purpose. Write them down. Let your brain do what it’s been trying to do—but do it on your terms.
There’s research on worry-reduction training showing it can reduce worry and stress markers—one example being a pilot randomized trial published in the British Journal of Guidance & Counselling.
Why does this help at night? Because when a worry pops up in bed, you can tell yourself: I have a place for this. I’m not ignoring it. I’m just not doing it right now. Your brain learns that worries have a designated home. They don’t need to ambush you at bedtime.
(If bedtime worry is just one part of a bigger looping pattern for you, you might also like Overthinking Everything? How Anxiety Distorts Your Thoughts.)
2) Keep a notepad by your bed
Remember how your brain is afraid of forgetting things while you sleep? Give it an external backup.
Keep paper + pen on your nightstand. When a thought pops up—Don’t forget to email Sarah or We need milk or What if the project deadline gets moved up?—jot it down. Just a few words. Enough to capture it.
This does something powerful: it gets the thought out of your head and onto paper. Your brain can relax because it knows the thought is stored somewhere safe. You won’t forget. You can deal with it tomorrow.
3) Progressive muscle relaxation (PMR)
Since anxiety lives in your body—not just your mind—body-based techniques can be some of the most effective.
Progressive muscle relaxation (PMR) involves systematically tensing and releasing different muscle groups. You might start with your feet: squeeze tight for 5 seconds, then release. Notice the difference between tension and relaxation. Move up to your calves, thighs, stomach, hands, arms, shoulders, face.
This works because it interrupts the stress response. When you deliberately tense and release muscles, you’re sending a signal to your nervous system that it’s safe to let go.
4) Grounding (when your mind won’t stop time-traveling)
Racing thoughts usually aren’t happening in the present moment. They’re in the past (why did I say that?) or the future (what if everything falls apart?).
Grounding helps you come back to what’s true right now—in your body, in your room, in your bed.
If you want a bunch of options, start here: Grounding Techniques: 12 Simple Ways to Stay Present When Anxiety Takes Over.
And if tactile grounding helps you at night, this one is simple and surprisingly effective: Grounding Stones: A Coping Skill for Anxiety.
5) If nightmares or panic are part of the night-time spiral
Sometimes it’s not “just” racing thoughts. Sometimes your body is jolting awake with panic, or your sleep is disrupted by nightmares. If that’s you, you might also find these helpful:
What if these strategies aren’t enough?
Self-help techniques can make a real difference. But they have limits.
Sometimes racing thoughts at night are a symptom of something deeper. Maybe there’s unprocessed stress from work. Maybe there’s an anxious part of you that’s been running the show for so long, it doesn’t know how to stop. Maybe there are old experiences or patterns that keep your nervous system stuck on high alert.
In therapy, we can explore what’s underneath the racing thoughts. We can help you understand the parts of you that are working so hard to keep you safe—the planner part, the worrier part, the part that can’t stop running through scenarios. When you understand these parts with curiosity instead of frustration, something shifts. They don’t have to work so hard.
We can also work on calming your nervous system in ways that go deeper than coping skills. Approaches like EMDR can help if past experiences are fueling current anxiety. (If you’ve ever wondered why therapy work can leave you wiped out, this explains it well: Why is EMDR so Exhausting?.)
You don’t have to white-knuckle your way through every night. Support is available.
If you want a clearer overview of how therapy actually helps anxiety (including sleep-related anxiety), here’s a helpful read: How Can Therapy Help Anxiety?.
When should I get help for sleep problems and anxiety?
Consider reaching out if racing thoughts are happening most nights, if poor sleep is affecting your work or relationships, if you’re relying on alcohol or sleep aids to fall asleep, or if you’re feeling exhausted but can’t rest. You don’t need to be in crisis. Getting support now can prevent things from getting worse.
Here are some signs it might be time to talk to a professional:
Racing thoughts are happening most nights—not just occasionally.
You’re exhausted during the day but can’t settle at night.
Poor sleep is affecting your mood, your patience, or your ability to focus at work.
You’ve started relying on alcohol, medication, or other aids just to fall asleep.
You dread going to bed because you know your mind will start racing.
Sleep problems and anxiety often feed each other. The less you sleep, the more anxious you feel. The more anxious you feel, the harder it is to sleep. Breaking that cycle usually requires more than willpower.
(If you want a deeper insomnia-specific angle to link out to, these pair well with this post: Why Sleep Less to Sleep Better? Understanding Sleep Restriction to Improve Insomnia and Improve your Sleep, Improve your Mental Health.)
Anxiety Therapy in Lee’s Summit, MO
If racing thoughts are keeping you up at night, you don’t have to keep suffering in silence.
At Aspire Counseling, we specialize in helping high-achieving adults who look “fine” during the day but can’t turn off their brains at night. We understand the hidden nature of high functioning anxiety—how it can hide behind success and productivity while quietly running you ragged.
Our therapists use evidence-based approaches to help you understand what’s driving the racing thoughts—and give you real tools to calm your mind and body. We’ll work with you to find what actually helps, not just hand you a list of generic sleep tips.
We offer in-person therapy at our Lee’s Summit office, conveniently located for clients from Blue Springs, Independence, Raytown, and the greater Kansas City area. We also offer secure online therapy throughout Missouri.
Call us at (816) 287-1116 or schedule a free consultation to get started. You deserve to actually rest at the end of the day.
About the Author
Jessica Oliver, MSW, LCSW is the Founder and Clinical Director of Aspire Counseling, with 10+ years of experience supporting clients in Missouri. She specializes in anxiety, trauma, and high-pressure professional stress, and she loves helping capable people feel steady on the inside—not just successful on the outside. Jessica uses evidence-based approaches like EMDR and Cognitive Processing Therapy (CPT) for trauma, along with Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), mindfulness-based approaches, and DBT-informed skills to help clients reduce overthinking, loosen perfectionism, and build lives that feel more connected and sustainable. At Aspire Counseling, she provides compassionate, expert care in-person in Lee’s Summit and through secure online therapy for clients across Missouri.
