IFS for the Inner Critic: Working with the Part That Won't Let You Rest

You finished the project. It went well. Your client was happy, your boss said good job, and you should feel proud.

Instead, you're replaying every moment, scanning for what you could have done better. That voice in your head won't stop: You got lucky. Next time they'll see the real you. You should have prepared more. Why did you say that one thing?

This is the inner critic. And for many professionals in the Kansas City area—attorneys, physicians, business owners, executives—it never takes a day off.

You've probably tried to silence it. You've told yourself to stop being so hard on yourself. You've read articles about self-compassion. But that critical voice keeps coming back, often louder than before.

What if the problem isn't that you haven't tried hard enough to shut it down? What if the problem is that shutting it down was never going to work?

What Is the Inner Critic (And Why Is Mine So Loud)?

The inner critic is the part of you that constantly evaluates your performance and finds it lacking. It points out your flaws, reminds you of past mistakes, and warns you about future failures. For high achievers, this voice often developed early—it helped you succeed by pushing you to work harder and avoid errors. The problem is it doesn't know when to stop.

Here's what most people don't realize: your inner critic isn't your enemy. It's actually trying to protect you.

Think about when that critical voice first showed up. Maybe it was a parent with high expectations, a teacher who only noticed mistakes, or an early experience where being "not good enough" had real consequences. Your inner critic learned that the best way to keep you safe was to criticize you before anyone else could.

The strategy worked—at least well enough to get you where you are. But now you're a successful professional, and that part is still operating like you're a kid who might get in trouble. It doesn't know the threat has passed.

How Does IFS Therapy Approach the Inner Critic Differently?

Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy doesn't try to eliminate your inner critic. Instead, it helps you understand what that part is trying to do for you and build a different relationship with it. When the critic feels heard and understood, it often relaxes on its own—without you having to fight it.

IFS is built on a simple but powerful idea: you're made up of different "parts," and each part has a role in your internal system. If you've seen the movie Inside Out, you already have a sense of how this works. Your inner critic is just one part among many.

In IFS, we don't view any part as bad. All parts are welcome. Even the ones that cause problems developed for good reasons. They're doing their best to protect you based on what happened in the past.

When you approach your inner critic with curiosity instead of frustration, something shifts. Instead of asking "How do I make this stop?" you ask "What is this part afraid will happen if it stops criticizing me?" That question opens up a completely different conversation.

Why Does Fighting Your Inner Critic Make It Louder?

When you try to silence, suppress, or argue with your inner critic, it often fights back harder. That's because the critic believes it's keeping you safe. From its perspective, you trying to shut it down is dangerous—so it doubles down to make sure you hear its warnings.

This creates an exhausting cycle. The more you fight, the louder it gets. The louder it gets, the more you fight. You end up at war with yourself.

Many of the professionals I work with in Lee's Summit have tried everything to quiet their inner critic. They've practiced positive affirmations. They've read self-help books. They've told themselves to "just stop" being so hard on themselves. None of it works for long because they're essentially telling a protective part to abandon its post.

IFS takes a different approach. Instead of fighting the critic, we get curious about it. We listen to its concerns. We help it understand that you're no longer in the situation that originally required its protection. When the critic feels genuinely heard—not dismissed or argued with—it often softens.

What Do IFS Therapy Sessions Actually Look Like?

In IFS counseling sessions, you'll learn to notice when a part is activated and practice "unblending" from it—creating enough space to observe the part without being overwhelmed by it. Your therapist will guide you to approach parts with curiosity, asking questions like "What does this part want me to know?" or "What is it afraid of?"

One of the key concepts in IFS is "Self-energy"—the calm, curious, compassionate awareness that exists underneath all your parts. Everyone has access to this. When your parts relax enough to let Self-energy come forward, you can be present with difficult emotions without being controlled by them.

IFS often moves at a slower pace than you might expect. There's a philosophy behind this: slow is fast. When we try to rush past uncomfortable feelings, we miss what's important. But when we take time to really listen to our parts, lasting change happens more quickly than if we'd tried to push through.

You don't have to visualize anything specific or do it "right." How you experience your parts is unique to you. Some people see images, some hear words, some just have a felt sense. Anything goes.

Is IFS Therapy Right for You?

IFS may be a good fit if you feel at odds with yourself—torn between conflicting impulses, or stuck in patterns you can't seem to change. It's particularly helpful for perfectionism, self-criticism, imposter syndrome, and the relentless drive that helped you succeed but now exhausts you. If you're tired of fighting yourself, IFS offers a different path.

IFS has a growing research base supporting its effectiveness. For professionals who appreciate evidence-based approaches, it offers both a clear framework and flexibility to adapt to your unique situation.

Many high achievers find IFS resonates with how they already experience themselves. You've probably noticed that part of you wants to slow down while another part won't let you stop. Part of you wants to take risks while another part is terrified of failure. IFS makes sense of these contradictions instead of asking you to pick a side.

If you've been feeling stuck, overwhelmed, or at odds with yourself, it doesn't mean something is wrong with you. It may just mean your parts are working hard—maybe too hard—and they need help to feel safe again.

Begin IFS Therapy in Lee's Summit

At Aspire Counseling, we offer IFS therapy for professionals who are ready to stop fighting themselves and start understanding what's actually driving their patterns. Our Lee's Summit office serves clients from across the KC metro—Blue Springs, Independence, Overland Park, and beyond. We also offer online therapy throughout Missouri.

Want to learn more about how IFS compares to other evidence-based approaches? Read our post about therapy for high achievers.

You don't have to figure it all out before reaching out. That first step can be as simple as scheduling a consultation. Call (816) 287-1116 or visit our contact page to get started. We'll take it from there—together.

About our IFS Therapist in Lee’s Summit

Adam White, LPC is a licensed counselor at Aspire Counseling with over five years of experience supporting clients in the Kansas City area. He discovered IFS in 2017 at a trauma conference and has pursued extensive training since, including assisting an IFS training program in 2024. Adam came to counseling after a career in electrical engineering because he wanted to more directly help people build connections and understand themselves. He specializes in using IFS to help professionals reconnect with their inner calm, develop greater self-understanding, and heal from within. Adam sees clients in-person at Aspire's Lee's Summit office and through online therapy across Missouri.