Is My Teen's Anxiety Lying to Them? Understanding Cognitive Distortions
Your teenager says no one likes them. They're convinced they'll fail the test—even though they've studied for hours. They tell you everything is ruined because one thing went wrong.
You know these thoughts aren't true. But your teen believes them completely.
This is one of the hardest parts of parenting an anxious teenager. You can see reality clearly. They can't. And no matter how many times you tell them "that's not true," it doesn't seem to help.
Here's something that might change the way you understand what's happening: your teen's brain might be lying to them. Not on purpose. But anxious brains have a way of twisting thoughts until they feel absolutely real—even when they're not.
These twisted thoughts have a name. Therapists call them cognitive distortions. And learning to spot them is one of the most powerful skills an anxious teen can develop.
What Are Cognitive Distortions?
Cognitive distortions are thinking patterns that feel true but aren't based in reality. They're like a filter that makes everything look worse than it actually is. An anxious brain gets stuck in these patterns without even realizing it.
Everyone has distorted thoughts sometimes. That's normal. But for anxious teens, these thinking errors happen constantly. They become the default way of seeing the world.
The good news? Once your teen learns to recognize these patterns, they can start to question them. They don't have to believe every thought that pops into their head.
Why Do Anxious Teens Believe Thoughts That Aren't True?
When anxiety is high, the brain goes into protection mode. It starts scanning for threats everywhere. This was helpful thousands of years ago when we needed to watch for predators. It's less helpful when your teen is trying to survive high school.
An anxious brain treats a social situation the same way it would treat a physical danger. It jumps to worst-case scenarios. It assumes the worst about other people's intentions. It predicts disaster around every corner.
Your teen isn't choosing to think this way. Their brain is doing what anxious brains do. But with the right tools, they can learn to catch these thoughts before they spiral.
What Are the Most Common Thinking Errors in Teenagers?
Here are some of the distorted thinking patterns that show up most often in anxious teens:
All-or-Nothing Thinking: Everything is either perfect or terrible. There's no middle ground. Your teen gets a B+ and calls themselves stupid. One friend cancels plans and suddenly "nobody wants to hang out with me."
Catastrophizing: Jumping straight to the worst possible outcome. A small problem becomes proof that everything will fall apart. "I stumbled over one word in my presentation—now everyone thinks I'm an idiot and my grade is ruined."
Mind Reading: Assuming they know what others are thinking—and it's always bad. "She didn't text back right away. She definitely hates me now." Your teen has no actual evidence. But they're completely convinced.
Fortune Telling: Predicting the future with absolute certainty, always negatively. "I'm going to bomb this test." "The party will be awkward." They haven't tried yet, but they already know it will go badly.
Filtering: Only seeing the negative and ignoring anything positive. Ten people compliment their outfit. One person gives them a weird look. Guess which one they focus on all day?
Should Statements: Rigid rules about how things "should" be. "I should be over this by now." "I shouldn't need help." These thoughts create guilt and shame on top of the anxiety.
How Does a Therapist Help My Teen Challenge These Thoughts?
A good therapist doesn't just tell your teen their thoughts are wrong. That doesn't work—you've probably already tried it. Instead, they teach your teen how to examine their own thoughts like a detective.
In therapy, your teen learns to slow down and ask questions like: What's the evidence for this thought? What's the evidence against it? Is there another way to look at this situation? What would I tell a friend who had this same thought?
This approach comes from Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), one of the most effective treatments for teen anxiety. It gives teenagers concrete skills they can use in real life—not just in the therapy room.
One thing that makes this work is having a therapist who really listens. Not someone who rushes to give advice. A therapist who takes the time to understand what's going on in your teen's head. When teens feel truly heard, they're more willing to look at their thoughts honestly.
The goal isn't to turn your teen into a positive thinker who ignores real problems. It's to help them see situations accurately. Sometimes things are hard. But they're rarely as catastrophic as an anxious brain makes them seem.
Can I Help My Teen With Cognitive Distortions at Home?
Yes—but it works best when you approach it the right way.
Avoid telling your teen "just stop thinking that way" or "you're being irrational." Even if it's true, it usually makes them feel dismissed. An anxious brain doesn't respond well to logic delivered without empathy.
Instead, try getting curious. Ask questions like: "What makes you think that?" or "What's the worst that could happen? And then what?" Help them slow down and examine the thought instead of just reacting to it.
You can also share your own experience. When you catch yourself in a distorted thought, say it out loud. "I just realized I was catastrophizing about that work email." This normalizes the process and shows your teen that everyone's brain does this sometimes.
That said, there's a limit to what parents can do. Your teen might be more willing to hear these ideas from someone who isn't you. That's not a failure on your part. It's developmentally normal for teenagers to need outside support.
When Should My Teen See a Therapist for Anxious Thinking?
If anxious thoughts are getting in the way of daily life, it's time to get professional help. Signs that therapy would be helpful include: avoiding school, activities, or friends because of anxiety; sleep problems caused by racing thoughts; physical symptoms like stomachaches or headaches; or meltdowns that seem out of proportion to the situation.
You don't have to wait until things are severe. Early support can prevent anxiety from getting worse. And the skills your teen learns in therapy will serve them well beyond the teenage years.
If you're in the Lee's Summit, Blue Springs, or greater Kansas City area and looking for a teen therapist who specializes in anxiety, we can help. Our therapists use evidence-based approaches like CBT and DBT to give teenagers real tools for managing anxious thoughts.
Teen Anxiety Treatment in Lee's Summit, MO
At Aspire Counseling, we work with teenagers who are struggling with anxiety, depression, trauma, and more. Our approach focuses on teaching practical skills—not just talking about feelings.
If your teen's anxious thoughts are taking over, therapy can help them learn to question those thoughts and find a new way forward.
Ready to get started?
Call our Client Care Coordinator at (816) 287-1116 or reach out by scheduling a time to talk to our client care team or filling out a contact form.
We'll schedule a free 30-minute consultation to talk about what's going on and find the right fit.
Your teen can start building the skills they need to feel better.
About the Author
Jessica Oliver, MSW, LCSW is the founder and Clinical Director of Aspire Counseling in Missouri. This blog post was written based on conversations with Ashley Elder, MSW, LCSW, LSCSW, a teen therapist at Aspire Counseling's Lee's Summit office.
Jessica believes Ashley is the best teen therapist in the Lee's Summit area. Ashley brings over a decade of experience working with adolescents in both inpatient and outpatient settings. She's trained in DBT, TF-CBT, and CBT—all evidence-based approaches that give teens concrete skills for managing anxiety and other challenges.
What sets Ashley apart is her quality of listening. She's the kind of therapist who makes teenagers feel truly heard—not rushed or dismissed. She's also a fierce advocate for her clients. Ashley communicates effectively with parents when appropriate, but she's protective of her teen clients' privacy and needs. She believes in putting the teenager in the driver's seat of their own treatment while guiding them through each obstacle.
Ashley is licensed in both Missouri and Kansas and sees clients in person at our Lee's Summit office or via telehealth throughout Missouri.
