Managing Thanksgiving Stress as a Parent: Making Memories, Not Perfection
Thanksgiving with kids is... different.
You're trying to get everyone out the door to Grandma's house, and your six-year-old still hasn't put on his shoes—despite five reminders. Your daughter wants to "help" cook, which sounds sweet until you realize it means everything takes three times longer. Someone inevitably spills cranberry sauce on their nice outfit. The turkey's running late. The kitchen's a mess. And you're starting to wonder why you thought hosting was a good idea.
Sound familiar?
As both an experienced therapist and a mom, I get it. Thanksgiving is supposed to be about gratitude and family togetherness, but it often feels more like organized chaos with a side of stress. Between the cooking, the logistics, the family dynamics, and trying to create those picture-perfect moments we see all over social media, it's easy to feel overwhelmed.
But here's what I want you to remember: Your kids only get one childhood. And you only get one chance to make these family Thanksgiving memories with them.
Let's talk about how to manage the stress while actually being present for the moments that matter.
The Reality of Thanksgiving with Kids
Let me be honest about what Thanksgiving really looks like in my house—and probably yours too.
My son has always helped make cranberry sauce. Has it turned out perfectly every time? Absolutely not. Do people always eat it? No. But they'll usually take a bit to be polite, and more importantly, my son beams with pride when he sees "his" cranberry sauce on the table.
My daughter likes to make a turkey out of fruit—you know, the Pinterest-worthy kind with grapes for feathers and apple slices for the body. Does it ever look like the picture? Never. Not even close. But it gets eaten, and she's so proud to contribute something to the meal.
These aren't Instagram-perfect moments. They're real, messy, imperfect family traditions. And they're what my kids will remember when they're adults.
What Your Kids Will (and Won't) Remember
Here's something I've learned both as a therapist working with families and as a mom: Kids don't remember the same things we do.
Your kids won't remember that you nagged them five times to put on their shoes. (Though let's be real—you'll probably remind them about it every Thanksgiving for the next twenty years.)
They won't remember that the turkey was overcooked or that Aunt Susan made a passive-aggressive comment about the store-bought rolls.
They won't remember that the house wasn't perfectly clean or that you were running thirty minutes behind schedule.
Here's what they will remember:
They'll remember that taking nice photos was annoying because of the photo evidence. (Yes, they'll complain about it now, but those goofy, imperfect photos will be treasures later.)
They'll remember that you let them help in the kitchen, even when it would've been faster to do it yourself.
They'll remember the family traditions—the cranberry sauce, the fruit turkey, the way you always go around the table saying what you're thankful for, the board game you play every year after dinner.
They'll remember that they could count on these traditions. That you showed up. That you loved them.
Try This: Shift Your Focus from Perfect to Present
I know it's hard when everything feels chaotic. But try—just try—to be mindful and present in the moment, even when things aren't going according to plan.
Observe What Your Kids Are Doing Well
Instead of focusing on the cranberry sauce that got spilled or the shoes that still aren't on, notice what's going right:
"I love how gently you're stirring that bowl."
"You remembered to wash your hands before helping—great job."
"You set the table so nicely. Look how straight you got those forks!"
"I see you being patient while you're waiting. That's really grown-up."
When we point out what kids are doing well, it changes the energy in the room. They rise to meet our positive expectations. And honestly, it helps us remember why we're doing all this in the first place.
Involve Your Kids in the Cooking (Yes, Really)
I know. It takes longer. The kitchen gets messier. You might have to redo things. But here's the truth: These are the moments they'll treasure.
Give your kids age-appropriate tasks:
Younger kids can wash vegetables, tear lettuce, stir ingredients, or help measure
Elementary age kids can peel potatoes (carefully!), mix dishes, or help set the table
Older kids can tackle more complex recipes with supervision
Sure, your six-year-old's contribution to the mashed potatoes might be questionable. But they're learning valuable skills, spending time with you, and building confidence. That's worth so much more than perfectly smooth potatoes.
Let Go of Picture-Perfect
Your friends aren't going to judge the silly faces or the kids not looking at the camera in your photos. In fact, those are usually the best ones—the real moments of joy, silliness, and connection.
My favorite Thanksgiving photo from last year? Nobody's looking at the camera. My son is making a ridiculous face. My daughter's eyes are closed. And we're all laughing at something someone just said. It's perfect because it's real.
When Thanksgiving Stress Feels Like More Than Normal Stress
Now, I want to acknowledge something important: For some parents, holiday stress goes beyond the normal chaos and overwhelm. If you're struggling with anxiety that makes it hard to enjoy family moments, or if you find yourself snapping at your kids more than usual and feeling guilty about it, you're not alone.
As a therapist at Aspire Counseling in Columbia, MO, I work with a lot of stressed moms who are doing their absolute best but feeling overwhelmed by the constant demands of parenting. The holidays can amplify that stress—especially when you're managing your own anxiety while trying to keep everything running smoothly for your family.
Sometimes the most loving thing you can do for your kids is take care of your own mental health. If you're finding that anxiety, stress, or overwhelm is getting in the way of being the parent you want to be, therapy can help. We offer support for parents navigating stress and anxiety, and we also provide child anxiety treatment if you've noticed your child struggling with worry during the holidays or in general.
You can learn more about our approach to child counseling on our website, or reach out if you want to talk about support for yourself or your child.
Taking care of yourself isn't selfish. It's essential. Your kids need you—but they need you at your best, not burned out and running on empty.
You Don't Have to Be Perfect
This is the message I want you to hold onto as Thanksgiving approaches:
You don't have to be perfect. Your dinner doesn't have to be perfect. Your kids don't have to be perfect.
It's okay if:
The cranberry sauce comes from a can
Someone has a meltdown right before you're supposed to leave
The turkey's a little dry
Your toddler refuses to wear anything but their superhero costume to dinner
You burn the rolls
The kids bicker in the car
Someone spills something on the tablecloth
Your Pinterest-inspired centerpiece looks nothing like the photo
None of that matters as much as you think it does.
What matters is that you showed up. That you tried. That you made space for tradition and togetherness, even when it was messy and imperfect.
My Challenge to You This Thanksgiving
As you head into the holiday, I want to challenge you to do three things:
1. Let your kids help, even when it's inconvenient.
Give them a job. Let them contribute. Trust that the memories you're making are worth the extra mess and time.
2. Notice and name at least three things your child does well.
Shift your focus from what's going wrong to what's going right. Your kids will feel seen and valued, and you'll remember why you're grateful for them.
3. Take at least one moment to be fully present.
Put your phone down. Stop thinking about the next thing on your to-do list. Just be there—watching your child stir the bowl, listening to their story, laughing at their jokes. That's what they'll remember.
Final Thoughts from One Mom to Another
I've been doing this parenting thing for a while now, both personally and professionally. I've worked with countless families navigating stress, anxiety, and the pressure to be perfect. And here's what I know to be true:
Your kids don't need perfect. They need present.
They need you to show up—tired, stressed, covered in flour, running late, and trying your best. They need to see that traditions matter, that family matters, and that they matter to you.
So this Thanksgiving, give yourself permission to let go of perfection. Embrace the chaos. Make the cranberry sauce with your six-year-old, even if it doesn't turn out. Let your daughter construct her fruit turkey masterpiece, even if it looks nothing like Pinterest. Take those imperfect photos with the silly faces and closed eyes.
Because these messy, beautiful, imperfect moments? These are the ones they'll treasure.
And so will you.
Need Support This Holiday Season?
If you're feeling overwhelmed by stress or anxiety—whether it's holiday-related or something you've been managing for a while—I want you to know that help is available. At Aspire Counseling in Columbia, MO, we provide therapy for stressed parents who are doing their best but need some support to feel like themselves again.
We also offer counseling for anxious children if you've noticed your child struggling with worry around the holidays or in general. Sometimes the whole family benefits when everyone gets the support they need.
Contact Aspire Counseling or call us directly at 573-328-2288 to learn more about how we can help you and your family navigate stress, build resilience, and find more joy in these fleeting moments.
Happy Thanksgiving from our family to yours.
About the Author
Jessica Oliver is an experienced therapist at Aspire Counseling in Columbia, MO, where she often works with stressed moms navigating the challenges of modern parenting. She's also a mom herself who knows firsthand that parenting is beautiful, exhausting, rewarding, and never quite what you pictured. She believes in the power of imperfect presence, family traditions, and giving yourself grace when things don't go according to plan. When she's not in session with clients or chasing her own kids around, she's probably in the kitchen making cranberry sauce that may or may not turn out.
Aspire Counseling offers therapy for adults, children, and families in Columbia, MO and online throughout Missouri. We specialize in anxiety, trauma, and life transitions—including the stress of parenting. Because taking care of yourself isn't selfish. It's essential.
