R.I.P. Work-Life Balance
With the start of the pandemic, we experienced the birth of so many conveniences in the midst of so many inconveniences. We found the convenience of ordering groceries online and having them delivered to our door, working from home, attending medical appointments from our homes, and the joys of wearing sweat pants during meetings.
However, with new beginnings comes the end of other things. I have become increasingly aware of the death of work-life balance. I have noticed this in small moments such as receiving work texts or emails during the weekends, my husband being asked to complete work tasks on Sunday afternoons, and my daughter’s teacher sending emails on Saturday mornings. But it wasn’t until a conversation with a friend that it became glaringly obvious that the days of having office hours or business days were now gone.
He was talking to me about how a very important work meeting went earlier that day. A lot of co workers had questions about a project they were working on and they were hours away from meeting with the costumer. Unfortunately for the team, the team member who had all of the answers was at the hospital getting ready to be induced for labor. Instead of explaining to the customer what the situation was, the supervisor decided to ask the team member to call into the meeting from the hospital. AND SHE DID. I was enraged, so much so that I was motivated to write this blog.
Steps To Regain Work-Life Balance
So what can we do to resuscitate work-life balance in our lives? I am sure that we all have different situations to work with and some of these tips may not be possible to implement, but being able to practice even one of these suggestions can help bring balance to your life.
1) Don’t give out personal emails or phone numbers.
I was recently in a staff meeting where we were asked to write down all of our information so that when needed, we could call each other for consultation. It was suggested to also include our personal information “just in case”. I felt myself cringe and reluctantly say that I wasn’t comfortable with that, not because I didn’t trust my co-workers, but because I wanted the option to have space from work when I needed it. We have become way to available with the advancement of technology and we need to move towards understanding that “personal time” isn’t “available time” for others to claim.
2) Set your vacation mode on every Friday evening.
Does anyone else feel the pressure to respond to emails as they pop up? I do! It can be hard to fight that urge or pressure as it comes at the expense of possible judgment from the sender. However, I know that when I receive an automatic message alerting me that it might take some time to receive a response it actually feels comforting. Knowing that those emailing us WILL receive a response to their email can be just as comforting and relieve that pressure to respond immediately.
3) Fight the urge to send that message until Monday morning.
The other day I completed the reading for a book my DBT team is reading together for additional training. I was really proud of myself for remembering to read the chapter and completing it. I immediately took a picture of the book and drafted a text saying, “Chapter one – CHECK!”. But as I was getting ready to send it out to my team group chat, I remembered it was Sunday afternoon and I canceled the message opting to send it on Monday morning instead. I had to remember to respect other people’s time just as I wanted others to respect my time. If anyone hadn’t read the chapter, they would be reminded of it the next day and not while spending time recharging. We need to model the behavior we wish to receive.
4) When you go to the hospital to have a baby, leave your phone on silent.
Ok, ok. So not everyone is going to the hospital to have a baby. But you get my drift. During important moments in your life, whether a big vacation, a wedding, or a quiet outing with your dogs, have it become normal to leave your phone in the car or at home. Disconnect and physically make yourself unavailable. Allow yourself to be fully present in your own life instead of allowing others to have control over it. We miss out on so many great moments in our lives with being distracted by work and technology. It’s no wonder more and more people are experiencing burn out.
5) Remember, YOU are the owner of your time and you don’t owe explanations for why you are unavailable when you are off the clock.
One Sunday afternoon my husband received a phone call from a co-worker who urgently needed a report sent to him. I listened as my husband explain that we were driving back from Kansas City and could not send him the report until later that evening. I was irked as I listened to him explain what he was doing on a weekend that made him unavailable but it increased to furious as my husband explained to me later that it was a report that wasn’t going to be used until later in the week. The urgent matter wasn’t urgent at all and it was cutting into our family time. We need to move away from fear of being judged or not meeting people’s incredibly high expectations and move closer to living our own lives unapologetically. In DBT terms, check the facts. What are your work duties? What are the hours you expected to work? Are you meeting them and are you being asked to do more than you were expected to do when hired? If the later is true, practicing mild assertiveness to maintain your boundaries is appropriate.
6) You can be assertive without being aggressive or confrontational.
Something I hear often is “I’m afraid of confrontation”. I want to make it clear that upholding boundaries doesn’t require confrontation or aggressiveness. There are ways to address problems with others in a very effective, professional way that maintains relationships while moving you closer to your goals. I always lean on validating the other person’s position first, describing the situation you find yourself in followed by making a clear request. If you aren’t sure what this looks like, you can reach out to a therapist to teach you interpersonal skills.
Looking For Support Finding Balance?
If you are finding that you have lost balance in your life with the result of decreased quality in relationships, mental and emotional health, then this is a good time to speak to a therapist for help on regaining balance and taking back control of your life.
Counseling in Columbia, MO & Online in Missouri
At Aspire Counseling, we have clinicians who believe in the power of work/life balance and the importance of structuring your lifestyle in a way that maximizes mental health. Our counselors provide help for everything from adjusting to major life changes, depression, anxiety, grief & trauma. We have a comfortable counseling office in Columbia, MO. But we also have clinicians who offer walk and talk therapy (when it’s a bit warmer than it is right now) at the Park if you prefer to move during your counseling session or online counseling to people throughout the state of Missouri.
You deserve to feel in control of your own life. And it’s ok if you need some support getting to that place. Asking for help is a sign of strength. Counseling may be the next step you’re looking for. Start by sending us a message so our team can help you find a counselor who will be the best possible fit for your needs.
About the Author
Diana Hughes is a Licensed Professional Counselor (LPC) at Aspire Counseling. She helps clients prioritize their mental health and find ways to create the life they are truly happy about. She offers counseling services in both English & Spanish and is able to meet clients online as well as in person. Diana is trained in several very effective evidence based counseling strategies (such as DBT and a great PTSD treatment called Cognitive Processing Therapy) and uses these to help her clients get the most out of their counseling session. In addition to supporting her clients, Diana values her family as well and actively works to find the right balance between her own work and home life.
