How to Talk to Your Child’s Teacher About Mental Health Concerns
You've noticed your child is struggling. Maybe they're anxious about school. Maybe they're having meltdowns about homework every night. Maybe something happened at home and you know it's affecting them at school.
You want to let their teacher know. But you're not sure what to say, how much to share, or whether it's even appropriate to bring up mental health with a teacher.
Here's the truth: teachers need to know about your child's mental health—not to judge or label your child, but to support them effectively. When parents and teachers work together with awareness of a child's mental health needs, children do better academically, behaviorally, and emotionally.
Understanding why mental health matters for elementary students includes knowing how to advocate for your child at school. If your child is receiving child counseling in Columbia, MO or therapy elsewhere, collaborating with their teacher creates consistency across environments.
Let's walk through how to have this conversation effectively—what to say, when to say it, and how to work with teachers as partners in supporting your child's wellbeing.
Why Teachers Need to Know About Mental Health Issues
Some parents hesitate to share mental health information with teachers, worried it will lead to labeling or lower expectations. But transparency usually helps more than it hurts.
Mental Health Affects Classroom Performance
When teachers don't know a child has anxiety, they might interpret anxiety-driven behaviors as:
Laziness (when it's actually executive function impairment from anxiety)
Defiance (when it's actually avoidance of triggering situations)
Inattention (when it's actually a mind occupied with worry)
Poor motivation (when it's actually depression or overwhelm)
With information, teachers can respond appropriately instead of punishing symptoms.
Teachers Can Provide Support
Once teachers know what's happening, they can:
Offer accommodations that help your child succeed
Recognize when your child needs a break
Adjust expectations appropriately during difficult times
Communicate more effectively with you
Watch for warning signs and alert you
Collaboration Creates Consistency
When your child's therapist, you, and their teacher are all on the same page, your child gets consistent messages and support across environments. This significantly improves outcomes.
When to Reach Out to Your Child's Teacher
Timing matters. Here's when you should definitely have this conversation.
Before Problems Escalate
Don't wait until your child is failing or in crisis. Early communication prevents bigger issues.
Reach out if:
Your child has been diagnosed with anxiety, depression, or another mental health condition
Your child is starting therapy
You're noticing signs of struggle at home that likely affect school
Your child has experienced something difficult (loss, divorce, trauma)
When You Notice Changes
If your child's behavior, mood, or performance changes, let the teacher know what you're seeing at home. They can share what they're observing at school, and together you can identify patterns.
After a Significant Event
If something happens that will affect your child's mental state, communicate proactively:
Death of a family member or pet
Parental separation or divorce
Moving or changing schools
Medical issues or hospitalizations
Traumatic events
When Your Child Asks You To
Sometimes children want their teacher to understand what they're going through. Honor that request if appropriate.
How to Prepare for the Conversation
A little preparation makes this conversation more productive.
Decide What Information to Share
You don't need to share every detail of your child's mental health history. Focus on information that helps the teacher support your child at school.
Consider sharing:
The primary concern (anxiety, trauma response, depression, etc.)
How it typically shows up in your child
Specific triggers if you know them
What helps when your child is struggling
Whether your child is in therapy
You might choose not to share:
Specific traumatic events (unless necessary for understanding triggers)
Family conflicts that don't directly affect the child's school experience
Details about medications (though you can mention they take medication if relevant)
Choose the Right Format
Options for this conversation include:
In-person meeting before or after school
Phone call during the teacher's planning period
Video call if you can't meet in person
Email (for straightforward updates, though sensitive topics are better discussed verbally)
In-person or video conversations are usually best for initial discussions because tone and body language matter.
Write Down Key Points
Before the meeting, jot down:
Main concerns you want to address
Specific examples of what you're seeing at home
Questions you have about what's happening at school
Strategies that work at home
What you're hoping the teacher can do to help
What to Say: A Script for the Conversation
Here's how to structure this conversation effectively.
Start with Appreciation
Begin by acknowledging the teacher's role and expressing appreciation.
"Thank you for meeting with me. I know you care about my child's success, and I appreciate everything you're doing."
State Your Purpose Clearly
Be direct about why you're there.
"I wanted to talk with you about some mental health challenges my child is experiencing. I think having this information will help you understand what's going on with them at school."
Share Relevant Information
Provide context without overwhelming with details.
"My child has been diagnosed with anxiety. It shows up as worry about making mistakes, avoidance of challenging tasks, and sometimes physical symptoms like stomachaches. They've started therapy, and we're working on coping strategies at home."
Describe What You're Seeing at Home
Give specific examples.
"At home, they're having meltdowns about homework every night. They're also having trouble sleeping because they worry about school. I'm wondering if you're seeing any signs of anxiety in the classroom."
Ask About School Observations
Invite the teacher to share what they're noticing.
"Have you noticed any changes in their behavior, performance, or mood at school?"
Discuss Strategies Together
Collaborate on what might help.
"At home, we've found it helpful when they can take breaks when overwhelmed. Would it be possible for them to have a signal they can use when they need a few minutes to reset?"
Clarify What You Need
Be specific about what support you're hoping for.
"I'm not asking you to be their therapist, but it would help if you could watch for signs they're struggling and let me know what you're seeing. I also want them to know you're a safe person to talk to if they're having a hard day."
What Teachers Can and Cannot Do
Understanding teachers' limitations helps set realistic expectations.
What Teachers Can Do
Teachers can:
Provide emotional support and encouragement
Implement reasonable accommodations
Allow breaks or quiet spaces when needed
Adjust communication style based on your child's needs
Watch for warning signs and communicate with you
Collaborate with school counselors
Follow behavior plans or 504/IEP accommodations
What Teachers Cannot Do
Teachers cannot:
Provide therapy or mental health treatment
Diagnose mental health conditions
Share confidential information with other parents
Make major accommodations without formal documentation (504/IEP)
Ignore district policies or requirements
Replace the need for professional mental health support
When Formal Accommodations Are Needed
If your child's mental health significantly affects their learning, consider formal accommodations:
A 504 Plan provides accommodations for disabilities (including mental health conditions) such as:
Extended time on tests
Breaks as needed
Modified assignments
Preferential seating
Access to a quiet space
An IEP (Individualized Education Program) is for students whose mental health condition significantly impairs learning and requires specialized instruction.
Following Up and Maintaining Communication
One conversation isn't enough. Ongoing communication is essential.
Schedule Regular Check-Ins
Ask the teacher about their preferred communication method and frequency.
"Would it be helpful if we checked in every couple of weeks? I can send you a quick email or we can schedule brief calls."
Share Updates
Let the teacher know about changes:
New diagnoses or changes in mental health status
Medication changes (if they affect school performance)
Changes in therapy or treatment
Family situations that might affect your child
Ask for School Updates
Request that the teacher let you know if they notice:
Changes in behavior or performance
Signs your child is struggling
Improvements or positive changes
Concerns about safety or wellbeing
Express Gratitude
Teachers often go above and beyond. Acknowledge their efforts.
"I really appreciate you being flexible with my child and watching for signs they need support. It makes such a difference."
When the Conversation Doesn't Go Well
Most teachers are responsive and supportive. But occasionally, you might encounter resistance.
If the Teacher Dismisses Your Concerns
If a teacher minimizes mental health issues or seems unsupportive, you have options:
Document the conversation and your concerns. Then escalate to:
The school counselor
The principal or assistant principal
The district's special education or 504 coordinator
If You Feel Judged
Some parents worry teachers will judge them or their parenting. Remember:
You're advocating for your child, and that's your job
Most judgment we perceive is actually in our own heads
Even if the teacher does judge, your child's needs come first
If You Disagree on Approach
Sometimes parents and teachers have different perspectives on what a child needs. Stay solution-focused:
Listen to the teacher's concerns
Explain your perspective
Find common ground
Be willing to try different approaches
Involve the school counselor or principal if needed
Get Support for Your Elementary Student in Mid Missouri
At Aspire Counseling, we work with children throughout Columbia, Jefferson City, Lee's Summit, and all of Mid Missouri to address anxiety, trauma, and mental health challenges affecting school performance.
Our team understands that supporting elementary students requires collaboration between therapists, parents, and schools. With your permission, we can communicate with your child's teacher to create consistent support across environments.
We specialize in evidence-based approaches that help children build mental health skills while addressing the root causes of school struggles. Whether your child needs support for anxiety, trauma, or emotional regulation, we're here to help.
Ready to support your child's mental health and school success?
Call (573) 328-2288 to speak with our Client Care Specialist
Learn about our child counseling services in Columbia, MO
Explore our child anxiety therapy throughout Missouri
Discover our trauma therapy for kids
About the Author
Jessica Oliver, MSW, LCSW is the founder and Clinical Director of Aspire Counseling, a trauma- and anxiety-focused therapy practice serving families throughout Mid Missouri. Aspire's team of specialized child therapists works collaboratively with parents and schools to ensure children receive consistent, effective support across all environments. With expertise in childhood anxiety, trauma, and school-related mental health challenges, the Aspire team is dedicated to helping elementary students thrive both emotionally and academically.
