The Link Between Childhood Experiences & Adult Anxiety
Your life now looks nothing like it did when you were a kid. You’ve built a career. Maybe you have a family of your own. You’ve made choices that moved you forward and created distance from the past.
And yet…
There are moments when something gets triggered—a tone of voice, a conflict at work, a certain kind of silence—and suddenly you feel flooded. Your heart races. Your shoulders tense. You react in ways that surprise you. Or you shut down when you don’t want to.
You might wonder: Why does this still affect me? I thought I was past this.
The answer often lies in how early experiences shape us—sometimes in ways we don’t notice at first.
Can Childhood Experiences Really Cause Anxiety in Adults?
Yes. Early experiences can shape how your brain and nervous system respond to stress.
This doesn’t mean your childhood “caused” your anxiety in a simple way. But it does mean what you learned about safety, relationships, and yourself as a child can still affect you today.
This isn’t about blame. It’s about understanding.
When we’re young, our brains are still wiring. If we grew up in a home where emotions weren’t safe, we might learn to hide them. If love felt tied to performance, we might learn to achieve to feel worthy. If life felt unpredictable, our nervous system might stay on high alert.
These coping skills may have helped you then. But now they can show up as anxiety, perfectionism, people-pleasing, or always feeling “on edge.”
If anxiety is a big part of what you’re dealing with, you can learn more about how we treat it here:
Anxiety Treatment at Aspire Counseling
What Counts as a “Childhood Experience” That Affects Anxiety?
It’s not only the big, obvious things.
Ongoing, quieter experiences can also shape anxiety—especially if they happened again and again.
Some examples:
A parent who was emotionally unavailable, distracted, or overwhelmed
Being expected to manage adult feelings or responsibilities too early
A home with constant conflict—or a home where conflict was never allowed
Love and approval that felt tied to grades, behavior, or achievements
Being criticized, dismissed, or made to feel like your feelings were “too much”
Instability (moves, money stress, separation) without much support
These experiences may not look dramatic from the outside. But they can teach you what is “safe,” what is expected, and what you need to do to be okay.
If you relate to feeling dismissed or “too sensitive,” you may find this helpful:
The Impact of Invalidation: Why It Hurts and What You Can Do About It
Why Does the Past Still Show Up Now?
Because your nervous system learned to protect you—and it hasn’t fully updated.
Your brain is built to keep you safe. If something felt dangerous in the past, your body learned to react fast. That same alarm system can go off now, even when the real danger is gone.
You might be sitting in traffic on I-470, stressed about a meeting, and feel the same tight chest you felt as a kid when something was wrong at home. Or you might be walking through Legacy Park on a beautiful day and still feel worried for no clear reason.
This doesn’t mean something is wrong with you. It means your brain is doing what it learned to do—based on old information.
I Don’t Have “Trauma.” Can This Still Apply to Me?
Yes.
Many people avoid the word “trauma” because they feel their childhood wasn’t “bad enough.” But the impact of an experience isn’t measured by how it compares to someone else’s. It’s measured by how it affected you.
Some people talk about:
Big “T” trauma: abuse, violence, major loss
Little “t” trauma: ongoing criticism, feeling invisible, always walking on eggshells
Both can shape anxiety. Both can be helped in therapy.
If you’re curious about trauma therapy, you can read more here:
Trauma Therapy & PTSD Treatment
How Does Therapy Help With This?
Therapy helps you make sense of your story and helps your nervous system learn, “I’m safe now.”
It’s not about digging up the past just to talk about it. It’s about noticing how the past is still showing up today—and changing what’s no longer helping.
Here are a few evidence-based approaches that can help:
Insight-oriented therapy
This helps you understand where patterns came from and what beliefs keep them going. When it makes sense, change gets easier.
EMDR
EMDR therapy helps your brain process memories that still feel “stuck.” Many people feel relief sooner than they expect.
If you want a simple explainer: What Is EMDR?
Internal Family Systems (IFS)
IFS therapy helps you understand the different “parts” of you—like the anxious part, the critical part, or the people-pleasing part. Instead of fighting those parts, you learn what they’re trying to protect you from. That often helps them calm down.
These approaches can be used alone or together, based on what fits you best.
What Does Healing From This Look Like?
Healing often looks like:
feeling less “hijacked” by triggers
having more space between a trigger and your response
feeling calmer in your body
setting boundaries with less guilt
showing up for hard conversations with less dread
enjoying a Saturday at Longview Lake or dinner downtown without constant worry
Progress is usually gradual. One day you notice you handled something differently than you used to. That’s real change.
How Do I Know If This Applies to Me?
You might want to explore this if:
your anxiety feels bigger than the situation
you keep repeating the same emotional patterns
you know you’re okay, but your body doesn’t feel okay
you feel like you’re always bracing for something bad
You don’t need to figure it out alone. A good therapist can help you sort through what’s happening and choose a path forward.
Anxiety Therapy in Lee’s Summit and Throughout Missouri
At Aspire Counseling, we help adults with anxiety, trauma-related patterns, and the ways early experiences still show up in everyday life.
You can meet with our team in person at our
Lee’s Summit office (near 291 Highway). We also work with many clients from nearby areas like
Blue Springs.
If you’d rather meet from home, we offer
online therapy across Missouri.
If you’re ready, you can take the first step here:
Schedule a free consultation
Or call 573-328-2288.
You can also browse our team here:
Meet Our Therapists
About the Author
This post was written by Jessica Oliver, LCSW, the founder and Clinical Director of Aspire Counseling. Jessica has specialized in trauma-focused therapy for years and is passionate about helping people understand why they feel the way they feel—so they can finally move forward.
While Jessica wrote this article, Aspire is a team. Our clinicians in Lee’s Summit are trained in evidence-based approaches like anxiety treatment, trauma therapy, EMDR, and IFS. If you’re looking for a therapist who can help you connect the dots between past and present—and build real change—our team is here.
