Finding a Therapist Who Actually Gets Through to Your Teenager
You did everything right. You found a therapist. You got your teen to the appointment. Maybe they even went a few times.
But nothing changed.
Your teen sat in silence. Or they said it was “fine,” but came home the same as before. Maybe they flat-out refused to go back. Now you’re stuck wondering if therapy just doesn’t work for your kid—or if you need to keep searching.
Here’s what I’ve learned after years of running a therapy practice that specializes in teenagers: when therapy doesn’t work, it’s usually not because therapy failed. It’s because the fit wasn’t right.
The therapist-teen relationship is everything. A teenager who feels judged, rushed, or misunderstood will shut down. But a teen who feels truly heard? They can start to open up in ways that surprise even their parents.
If you’re trying to get your teen on board, this may help too: Talking to Your Teen About Therapy.
Finding the right therapist takes some effort. But it’s worth it. This post will help you understand what went wrong the first time—and what to look for in a therapist who can actually reach your teen.
Why Didn’t Therapy Work for My Teen the First Time?
There are many reasons therapy doesn’t click on the first try. The most common one is simple: the therapist and your teen were not the right match.
Therapy works best when a teen feels safe enough to be honest. And that takes a real connection.
Some therapists are amazing with adults, but struggle with teens. Teens can spot “fake” fast. They know when someone is just going through the motions or treating them like a problem to fix.
Other times, the approach wasn’t right:
Maybe the therapist talked too much and didn’t listen enough.
Maybe they moved too fast and tried to “fix” things before your teen felt understood.
Or maybe the sessions felt so passive that your teen thought, “What is even happening here?”
Sometimes the timing is also off. Your teen wasn’t ready. Or they were forced into it and resented being there. That can happen. It doesn’t mean therapy will never work.
If you’ve been googling this whole process, these two posts can help you know what to look for next:
Teen Counseling Near Me: Finding a Great Therapist For Your Teen
Teen Counseling in Lee’s Summit: Your Guide to Finding the Right Therapist
The important thing is not to give up. A bad therapy experience doesn’t mean your teen is broken. It means you haven’t found the right person yet.
What Makes Some Therapists Better at Connecting with Teenagers?
The best teen therapists listen in a way that helps teens feel safe. Not judged. Not rushed. Not talked down to.
That sounds simple. It’s not.
Teenagers have spent years being lectured, corrected, and told what to do. A therapist who brings that same energy will get nowhere.
Strong teen therapists usually do a few things well:
They validate first. (“That makes sense.” “I get why that felt awful.”)
They challenge gently. (They help your teen look at thoughts and patterns that aren’t helping.)
They stay real. Teens can tell when an adult is performing.
Experience matters too. A therapist who has worked with teens in different settings has usually seen a wider range of struggles.
Also: the best teen therapists genuinely like teenagers. They find teens interesting, not exhausting. That shows up in every session.
If you’re curious about different approaches some teen therapists use, you can explore:
How Do I Know If a Therapist Is Actually a Good Fit for My Teen?
The clearest sign is whether your teen is willing to go back.
You don’t need them to love therapy right away. But after a few sessions, they shouldn’t be dreading it or shutting down completely.
Try asking better questions after sessions. Not “How was it?” (you’ll get “fine”). Try:
“What did you talk about today?”
“Did you feel like they understood you?”
“Was anything actually helpful?”
Also pay attention to whether the therapist understands your teen’s world. Do they ask about what’s truly stressful for teens right now? Or do they stay stuck in generic “therapy talk”?
It’s also okay to ask the therapist about their approach. A good therapist won’t get defensive. They’ll explain how they work and what you can expect.
And trust your gut. If something feels off after a few sessions, it’s okay to try someone else.
What Should I Expect from the First Few Sessions?
The first few sessions are mostly about building trust. Don’t expect big breakthroughs right away.
A good therapist will spend early sessions getting to know your teen as a person—not just a list of symptoms. They may ask about:
friends
school
family
interests
stress
Some teens open up fast. Others take weeks. Both are normal.
What matters is that the therapist isn’t rushing, pressuring, or making your teen feel “wrong” for being quiet.
If your teen wants to know what therapy is really like (in plain language), this post can help:
“My Parents Are Making Me Go to Therapy”: What to Actually Expect (and Why it Might Actually be Useful).
By the end of the first month, you should have a sense of whether things are moving in the right direction. Your teen might not feel “fixed,” but therapy should feel at least tolerable—maybe even helpful.
If you’re just getting started and want a full overview, here’s a guide many parents find reassuring:
Starting Teen Counseling in Missouri: Answers to the Questions Teens and Parents Ask Most.
Should I Be Involved in My Teen’s Therapy?
Yes—but the right kind of involvement matters.
Parents play a huge role in a teen’s progress. But therapy also needs to be a space where your teen can speak freely.
Good teen therapists balance this well:
They keep parents updated on general goals and progress.
They teach you ways to support your teen at home.
They also protect your teen’s privacy, so your teen feels safe enough to be honest.
If there’s a safety concern, you will know. If there are things you can do at home to help, a good therapist will tell you. You’re part of the team—just not in the room for every conversation.
What If My Teen Refuses to Go Back to Therapy?
First, try to understand why.
Is it about this therapist? Or is it about therapy in general?
If it’s about the therapist, name it clearly:
“It sounds like that wasn’t the right fit. I’m willing to help you find someone different.”
If it’s about therapy in general, don’t force it—but don’t drop it either. Keep the door open. Let them know you’ll help when they’re ready.
A low-pressure option is a free consultation with a new therapist. Your teen can meet them without committing to ongoing sessions.
Some teens do better when they get a say in choosing. Let them read bios. Let them pick a few options. When it feels like their choice, buy-in often goes up.
And if your teen is in crisis—self-harming, talking about suicide, or unable to function—safety comes first. Get professional help right away.
If you’re also considering virtual sessions, these may help you decide:
Teen Therapy in Lee’s Summit, MO
At Aspire Counseling, we specialize in working with teenagers who are dealing with anxiety, depression, trauma, and high-risk behaviors. We know how overwhelming it feels to try therapy once and have it go nowhere.
Our teen therapists are trained in evidence-based approaches like CBT, DBT, and TF-CBT. That means we focus on skills that actually help—not just venting.
If you want to learn more about our teen services, you can start here:
Want to explore therapist bios with your teen? Here’s our team page:
Our Therapists.
Ready to Find the Right Fit?
Call our Client Care Coordinator at (816) 287-1116 or reach out through our contact form:
Contact Aspire Counseling.
We’ll schedule a free 30-minute consultation to hear what’s going on and answer your questions.
Your teen can start working with a therapist who truly gets them.
About the Author
Jessica Oliver, MSW, LCSW is the founder and Clinical Director of Aspire Counseling in Missouri. This blog post was written based on conversations with Ashley Elder, MSW, LCSW, LSCSW, a teen therapist at Aspire Counseling’s Lee’s Summit office.
Jessica believes Ashley is the best teen therapist in the Lee’s Summit area. What sets Ashley apart is how well she listens. She helps teens feel genuinely heard—not rushed or treated like a checklist of symptoms. She knows when to validate and when to gently challenge, so teens can look at their thoughts without feeling judged.
Ashley is also a strong advocate for her clients. She communicates with parents when appropriate, but protects teen privacy and needs, because confidentiality builds trust.
With over a decade of experience in both inpatient and outpatient settings, Ashley has seen the full range of what teens face. She’s trained in DBT, TF-CBT, and CBT, and licensed in both Missouri and Kansas. You can read more about her here:
Ashley Elder.
