Why Can't I Stop Overthinking? (And What Actually Helps)
You've told yourself to stop. You've tried to distract yourself. You've googled “how to stop overthinking” more times than you'd like to admit.
And yet here you are, at 2 a.m., replaying a conversation from three days ago. Or running through every possible outcome of a decision you haven't even made yet. Or analyzing something someone said, trying to figure out what they really meant.
Your brain just won't stop.
If you've ever felt like you're trapped in your own head—exhausted by your own thoughts—you're not alone. And you're not broken. Overthinking is one of the most common patterns we see in therapy at Aspire Counseling, especially for high-functioning adults in Lee’s Summit and the KC metro.
Because here's the thing: just trying to stop usually doesn't work. To actually change this pattern, you need to understand why it's there in the first place.
Why Can't I Just Stop Overthinking?
Because overthinking isn’t a bad habit—it’s your brain trying to protect you.
At some point, your mind learned that thinking through every angle was the best way to avoid mistakes, prevent bad outcomes, or feel prepared for whatever might go wrong.
And sometimes, it does help. You catch an error before it happens. You anticipate a problem and solve it ahead of time. You feel more in control because you’ve thought through the possibilities.
The problem is that overthinking doesn’t know when to stop. It doesn’t distinguish between situations that truly require careful planning and situations that don’t. It treats everything like a threat that needs to be figured out.
So telling yourself to “just stop” is like telling your brain to abandon a safety strategy. It won’t do that—until it believes there’s another way to feel safe.
If you’re in the Lee’s Summit area and you want support that’s structured and evidence-based (not just “talk about your week forever”), you can learn more about our anxiety treatment options and how we approach real change.
Why Does Overthinking Feel Productive?
Because it rewards itself in a way that makes it hard to challenge.
Here’s the cycle:
You think through every angle before making a decision or having a conversation. If things go well, you credit the overthinking: “Good thing I was so prepared.” If things go wrong, you assume you didn’t think hard enough: “I should have considered that.”
Either way, the overthinking “wins.” It never gets blamed—so it never gets questioned.
This is why logic alone usually doesn’t fix it. Most people don’t need more insight that they’re overthinking. They need a way to retrain their response to uncertainty.
(If you want a deeper explanation of how anxiety pulls you into mental loops, you might also like: Overthinking Everything? How Anxiety Distorts Your Thoughts.)
What's Really Underneath Overthinking?
Fear—most of the time.
Fear of making the wrong choice. Fear of being caught off guard. Fear of the discomfort that comes when things don’t go as planned.
Overthinking is an attempt to control the uncontrollable—to think your way to certainty in a world that doesn’t offer it.
And sometimes that fear is tied to earlier experiences. Maybe there was a time when being unprepared had real consequences. Maybe you grew up in a home where mistakes weren’t tolerated. Maybe you learned (without ever meaning to) that being “ready for anything” was the safest way to live.
Understanding where the pattern started doesn’t erase it overnight. But it changes how you relate to it. Instead of fighting your brain, you can start understanding what it’s trying to do for you—and learn a new way forward.
What Does Overthinking Actually Cost Me?
A lot—and much of it is invisible.
There’s the obvious cost: mental exhaustion. Your brain is running constantly, and it drains you.
Then there’s decision paralysis. When you try to think through every possible outcome, you can end up unable to choose at all. You put off decisions, miss opportunities, or default to whatever feels safest—even if it’s not what you actually want.
And there’s the cost to your present moment. You’re driving home on I-470 after work, but you’re not really there—you’re replaying the meeting. You’re at Legacy Park with your family, but your mind is planning and worrying. You’re physically present but mentally somewhere else.
Overthinking steals the life you’re living while you’re busy preparing for the life you’re afraid of.
Is Overthinking the Same as Anxiety?
Not exactly—but they’re closely connected.
Anxiety is the bigger experience: body symptoms, emotions, and thoughts. Overthinking is often the “mind” part of anxiety—the analyzing, rehearsing, and trying to get certainty.
Some people overthink without meeting criteria for an anxiety disorder. And some people have anxiety that shows up more in their body than in their thoughts. But for many people, the two go hand in hand.
What they share is the same engine: a nervous system that’s on high alert.
What Actually Helps With Overthinking?
Understanding the pattern—and building a new response to it.
Here’s what actually helps, especially for high-functioning adults:
Get curious about the pattern. What triggers it? Work emails? Relationship tension? Big decisions? The goal isn’t to judge yourself—it’s to learn how your mind works.
Build tolerance for uncertainty. Overthinking is an effort to eliminate “I don’t know.” But uncertainty can’t be eliminated—so the skill becomes learning to hold it without spiraling.
Notice the thought without following it. You can’t stop thoughts from showing up. But you can learn to stop feeding them.
Use grounding when your mind is racing. If your body is activated, your brain will keep scanning. Simple tools can help your system settle enough to step out of the loop. (Here are practical options: Grounding Techniques: 12 Simple Ways to Stay Present When Anxiety Takes Over.)
Address what’s underneath. If the overthinking is fueled by old fear, shame, trauma, or a harsh inner critic, coping tools alone usually won’t be enough.
How Does Therapy Help With Overthinking?
Therapy helps you understand why the pattern exists—and practice a different way of responding.
At Aspire Counseling, we take evidence-based treatment seriously. That means we use approaches that research supports, and we track whether therapy is actually helping (not just hoping it is).
Depending on what’s driving your overthinking, therapy may include:
Insight-oriented therapy: to connect the dots—where the pattern came from, what keeps it going, and what changes it at the root.
CBT and ACT: to help you relate differently to anxious thoughts, reduce avoidance, and take action based on your values (instead of fear). (Aspire Counseling)
Internal Family Systems (IFS): to work with the “part” of you that overthinks as a protector—not an enemy. Many people find this especially helpful if they feel like they’re always battling their own mind. You can learn more here: Internal Family Systems (IFS) in Lee’s Summit, MO.
EMDR: if the overthinking is connected to specific memories or experiences that still “light up” your nervous system. (If you’re curious, here’s an Aspire guide: EMDR Therapy: Answers to Common Questions.)
A good therapist won’t just tell you to “stop thinking so much.” They’ll help you build safety, flexibility, and trust in yourself—so your brain doesn’t feel like it has to keep running.
What Does It Look Like When Overthinking Starts to Ease?
The thoughts don’t disappear. They just have less power.
It might look like:
Noticing the spiral starting—and stepping back instead of getting pulled in
Making a decision without analyzing every possible outcome first
Letting a conversation end without replaying it for hours afterward
Sitting with uncertainty and realizing it doesn’t destroy you
Actually being present during dinner or a walk at Longview Lake
Falling asleep without your brain running through the day like a slideshow
Progress is often gradual. You might not notice the shift until you realize you drove all the way home from Blue Springs without mentally rehearsing tomorrow’s meeting.
The goal isn’t “no anxious thoughts.” The goal is more space between the thought and your reaction.
Therapy for Overthinking and Anxiety in Lee's Summit, Missouri
At Aspire Counseling, we work with adults who are exhausted by their own minds—people who have tried to “just stop” overthinking and found out it doesn’t work that way.
We offer in-person counseling at our Lee’s Summit office (convenient to Blue Springs and the KC metro) and online therapy anywhere in Missouri.
If you’re ready to get help, you can request an appointment here or call 573-328-2288.
About the Author
Jessica Oliver, LCSW is the founder and Clinical Director of Aspire Counseling. She specializes in evidence-based therapy for anxiety and trauma and has advanced training in trauma treatment approaches including EMDR and Cognitive Processing Therapy (CPT). Jessica also provides clinical leadership and training for Aspire’s team, ensuring that clients receive therapy that is not only compassionate—but structured, research-supported, and focused on real progress. (Aspire Counseling)
Aspire Counseling’s clinicians in Lee’s Summit and across Missouri are trained in evidence-based methods including CBT, ACT, EMDR, IFS, ERP, and other proven approaches—and the practice uses measurement-based care to help make sure treatment is actually working (not just feeling supportive in the moment). If you’d like to learn more about our therapists, you can start here: Our Therapists.
