How to Calm a Child’s Anxiety: 7 Strategies for Parents in Columbia, MO
Your child is in the middle of an anxiety spiral. Their breathing is fast, their body is tense, and their mind is racing with "what ifs." You want to help them calm down, but you're not sure what actually works.
The good news? There are proven strategies that help anxious children regulate their nervous systems and manage overwhelming feelings. These aren't just distractions or temporary fixes—they're skills your child can use for the rest of their life.
Learning how to help your anxious or traumatized child includes having a toolkit of calming strategies. Whether you're seeking therapy for anxious children or supporting your child at home, these seven strategies will help.
Strategy #1: Name the Feeling
Before you can calm anxiety, your child needs to recognize what they're feeling.
Why This Works
Naming emotions activates the prefrontal cortex (thinking brain) and reduces activity in the amygdala (fear center). Research shows that simply labeling an emotion reduces its intensity.
How to Do It
When you notice your child is anxious, help them name it: "I can see your body looks worried right now. Are you feeling anxious?"
For younger children, use a feelings chart with faces showing different emotions. Point and ask: "Which face shows how you feel right now?"
Teach the difference between big feelings and little feelings: "On a scale of 1-10, how big is this worry?"
Practice Regularly
Don't wait for anxiety to practice this. Throughout the day, casually name emotions: "I'm feeling frustrated about traffic" or "You look excited about that game."
The more comfortable your child becomes with emotion vocabulary when calm, the easier it is to use during anxiety.
Strategy #2: Use Breathing Techniques
Deep breathing is one of the most powerful tools for calming anxiety because it directly activates the parasympathetic nervous system.
Why This Works
When your child is anxious, their sympathetic nervous system (fight-or-flight) is activated. Slow, deep breathing activates the parasympathetic nervous system (rest-and-digest), which physically calms the body.
Techniques to Try
Belly Breathing: Place one hand on chest, one on belly. Breathe in slowly through the nose so the belly rises. Breathe out slowly through the mouth. Repeat 5-10 times.
4-7-8 Breathing: Breathe in for 4 counts, hold for 7 counts, breathe out for 8 counts. The long exhale is especially calming.
"Blow Down the Tree": This playful technique disguises deep breathing as a game, making it perfect for elementary-age children who resist traditional breathing exercises. Hold up your arm like a tree with fingers spread as branches. Your child blows on your fingers to try to make them bend. This creates the slow, controlled breathing that calms the nervous system.
Make It Fun
For younger kids, use imagery: blow out birthday candles, blow bubbles, smell flowers and blow out candles, or pretend to be a dragon with slow, powerful breaths.
Strategy #3: Create a Calm-Down Corner
Having a designated space for calming down gives your child a concrete place to go when overwhelmed.
Why This Works
A calm-down corner provides a safe, predictable space where your child can regulate without feeling punished or isolated. It's not a time-out—it's a tool.
How to Set It Up
Choose a quiet corner or space in your home. Include:
Soft pillows or bean bag
Calming sensory items (stress balls, fidgets, soft textures)
Visual cues (feelings chart, calming strategies list)
Comfort items (favorite stuffed animal, blanket)
Simple activities (coloring books, mindfulness cards)
Introduce It Positively
This isn't where children go when they're "in trouble." It's where anyone in the family can go when they need to calm down.
Practice using it when your child is calm so they're familiar with it before they need it in crisis.
Strategy #4: Practice Progressive Muscle Relaxation
Anxiety creates physical tension. Progressive muscle relaxation releases that tension systematically.
Why This Works
When muscles relax, the brain receives signals that it's safe to calm down. This technique is especially helpful for children who hold tension in their bodies.
How to Teach It
Guide your child through tensing and relaxing different muscle groups:
"Squeeze your hands into tight fists... tighter... now let go and feel them relax."
Work through the body: feet, legs, stomach, arms, shoulders, face. Tense for 5 seconds, relax for 10 seconds.
Make It Engaging
For younger children, use imagery: "Squeeze like you're holding a lemon and getting all the juice out, then drop the lemon and let your hand get soft and relaxed."
Or pretend to be different animals: "Stretch like a cat waking up, then melt into a puddle like a sleeping dog."
Strategy #5: Use Distraction Appropriately
Distraction gets a bad rap, but used correctly, it's a valuable tool.
When to Use Distraction
Distraction works well for:
Mild to moderate anxiety
Short-term situations (waiting at the doctor, riding in the car)
Breaking an anxiety spiral to create space for other strategies
When Not to Use It
Don't use distraction to:
Avoid dealing with persistent anxiety
Replace teaching actual coping skills
Enable avoidance of important situations
Effective Distraction Techniques
The 5-4-3-2-1 Grounding Exercise: Name 5 things you see, 4 things you can touch, 3 things you hear, 2 things you smell, 1 thing you taste.
Counting Games: Count backward from 100 by 7s, count all the red things in the room, or find items that start with each letter of the alphabet.
Physical Activity: Jumping jacks, running in place, dancing, or going for a walk can interrupt anxiety and release tension.
Strategy #6: Validate Without Reinforcing Avoidance
This is the tricky balance: acknowledging your child's anxiety while not letting it control their life.
The Formula
Validate the feeling: "I can see you're really worried about the sleepover."
Set the expectation: "And we're still going because spending time with friends is important."
Offer support: "What would help you feel more comfortable? Should we pack your favorite stuffed animal? Can we plan a check-in time?"
What Not to Say
Avoid: "If you're too scared, you don't have to go." This teaches avoidance.
Avoid: "You're fine, there's nothing to worry about." This dismisses the feeling.
The Message
The message is: "Your feelings are real and valid AND you can handle hard things. I'll help you."
Strategy #7: Know When to Seek Professional Help
Home strategies are valuable, but they're not always enough.
Signs Your Child Needs Therapy
Seek professional help if:
Anxiety is getting worse despite your efforts
It's interfering with school, friendships, or daily activities
Your child is avoiding more and more situations
They're having frequent panic attacks
You're feeling overwhelmed and don't know what else to try
What Professional Therapy Provides
Therapy for anxious children offers:
Evidence-based treatment approaches (CBT, exposure therapy)
Systematic desensitization to feared situations
Deeper work on underlying causes
Parent coaching specific to your child's needs
Professional guidance on when to push and when to support
How Columbia Therapists Teach Kids These Skills
At Aspire Counseling, we don't just tell children to "use your coping skills." We make learning these strategies engaging, age-appropriate, and effective.
Age-Appropriate Techniques
For elementary-age children, we use play, games, and creative activities to teach calming strategies. Children learn best by doing, not by sitting and talking.
Practice in Session
We practice these skills repeatedly in therapy so they become automatic. We also create scenarios where children can use their skills in low-pressure situations before they need them in real life.
Parent Involvement
We teach parents the same strategies we're teaching children, so everyone is on the same page. We also coach parents on how to encourage skill use without nagging.
Personalized Approach
Different strategies work for different children. We help identify which techniques resonate with your child and build a personalized toolkit.
Get Expert Support for Your Anxious Child
These seven strategies are a great start, but if your child's anxiety persists, professional support can make all the difference.
At Aspire Counseling, we serve families throughout Columbia, Jefferson City, Lee's Summit, and all of Mid Missouri with specialized anxiety treatment for children. Our team uses evidence-based approaches that teach children lasting skills while addressing anxiety at its root.
We combine these practical calming strategies with deeper therapeutic work, helping children not just manage anxiety in the moment but reduce its overall presence in their lives.
Ready to help your child feel calmer and more confident?
Call (573) 328-2288 to speak with our Client Care Specialist
Learn about our child anxiety therapy throughout Missouri
Explore our child counseling services in Columbia, MO
About the Author
Jessica Oliver, MSW, LCSW is the founder and Clinical Director of Aspire Counseling, a specialized therapy practice serving children and families throughout Mid Missouri. Aspire's team of child therapists teaches practical, evidence-based strategies for managing childhood anxiety. With expertise in play therapy, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, and child development, the Aspire team makes learning calming skills engaging and effective for elementary-age children.
