When the Holidays Bring More Stress Than Joy: A Guide for the Whole Family

The holidays are supposed to be magical. Joyful. Full of warmth and connection.

And sometimes they are.

But if you're being honest? Sometimes they're also exhausting, overwhelming, and stressful. Whether you're lighting the menorah, decorating the tree, or just trying to get through the next few weeks with your sanity intact—this time of year can feel like a lot.

And if you have kids who struggle with anxiety, or you're managing your own mental health, or someone in your family is dealing with chronic pain—the holiday season can amplify everything that's already hard.

This post is for the whole family. Whether you're a parent trying to help your anxious child survive the family Hanukkah party, a teenager dreading Christmas dinner with relatives who ask too many questions, or an adult who feels the pressure to make everything perfect—I hope you find something here that helps.

For Parents of Anxious Kids: When Celebrations Feel Overwhelming

The holidays are full of things that can be hard for anxious children: crowds, noise, changes in routine, unfamiliar foods, relatives they don't see often, and pressure to perform ("Say thank you! Give Grandma a hug! Tell everyone what you want for Christmas!").

If your child tends toward anxiety, you might already be bracing yourself. You know the signs. The clinginess. The meltdowns. The sudden stomachache right before the family gathering.

Here's what I want you to know: your child isn't trying to ruin the holidays. Their nervous system is genuinely overwhelmed. And there are things you can do to help.

Know your child's triggers. Every child is different. For some, it's the noise and chaos. For others, it's being expected to interact with people they don't know well. For others, it's the break from their normal routine. Understanding what triggers anxiety in your child can help you prepare—and help them feel understood.

Have a plan for meltdowns. They might happen. That's okay. Knowing ahead of time how you'll respond can make all the difference. (We wrote a whole post on what to do when your child has a meltdown if you want more specific strategies.)

Protect their downtime. Eight nights of Hanukkah. Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. New Year's Eve. It's a lot. Build in quiet time. Let them skip a gathering if they're at their limit. Their mental health matters more than attendance at every event.

Watch what you do, not just what you say. Kids pick up on our stress. If you're running around frantic trying to make everything perfect, they feel that. Some of the best mental health tips for parents are really about managing your own stress so you can be present for your kids.

And if you're not sure how to help your child through the anxiety, check out our post on how to calm a child's anxiety—the strategies work year-round, but they're especially helpful during high-stress seasons.

One more thing: it's also worth knowing what NOT to do when your child has anxiety. Some well-meaning responses actually make anxiety worse. A little knowledge goes a long way.

For Teenagers: When Family Gatherings Feel Like Too Much

If you're a teen reading this—or a parent of one—you know that holiday gatherings can be uniquely hard for adolescents.

There's the small talk with relatives you barely know. The questions about school, grades, college plans, relationships. The pressure to be "on" when you'd rather be in your room. The sensory overload of a house full of people.

For teens with social anxiety, this time of year can feel especially overwhelming. It's not shyness. It's not being antisocial. It's a real, intense discomfort that deserves to be taken seriously.

If you're a parent, here are a few things that can help:

• Give them an out. Let them know they can take breaks, step outside, or leave early if they need to.

• Don't force interaction. Pushing them to "just say hi" or "stop being so quiet" usually backfires.

• Prep them ahead of time. Let them know who will be there, what to expect, and how long you'll stay.

• Have a signal. A code word or gesture that means "I need a break" can help them communicate without having to explain in the moment.

If your teen has been struggling and you're wondering whether therapy might help, online counseling can be a great option for teenagers—especially ones who feel more comfortable talking from their own space.

For Adults: When You're Exhausted by Your Own Expectations

Can we be honest for a minute?

The holidays can bring out every perfectionist, people-pleasing tendency we have. The pressure to create the perfect experience. The inability to say no to invitations, requests, obligations. The mental load of gifts, meals, schedules, traditions.

If you're someone who already struggles with keeping it all together, this season can push you to your limit.

I wrote a post recently about the Thanksgiving stress that parents carry—and everything in it applies to December too. The quest for perfection steals the joy from the very moments we're trying to create.

Here's permission you didn't know you needed: you don't have to do it all.

You can say no to the office party. You can simplify the menu. You can skip the matching pajamas. You can let the latkes be store-bought and the cookies be from a mix. The people who love you aren't grading your performance.

And if the thought of scaling back makes you anxious—if "good enough" feels impossible—that's worth paying attention to. High-functioning anxiety is real, and it tends to spike during seasons like this.

For Those Managing Chronic Pain: When Your Body Doesn't Get the Memo That It's a Holiday

Chronic pain doesn't take a break for the holidays. In fact, for many people, this season makes it worse.

The disrupted sleep. The travel. The extra time on your feet cooking, shopping, hosting. The cold weather that aggravates joints and muscles. The stress—which we know has a real connection to chronic pain.

If you're living with fibromyalgia, chronic back pain, or an autoimmune condition, the holidays require extra planning—and extra grace with yourself.

One of the hardest parts can be explaining your limitations to family. We wrote a whole post on how to talk to family and friends about your chronic pain—because "I need to rest" can feel so hard to say when everyone else is celebrating.

Your pain is real. Your limits are valid. And taking care of yourself isn't selfish—it's what allows you to actually enjoy the moments that matter.

For High Achievers: When the Holidays Feel Like Another Performance Review

If you're someone who tends to push hard—at work, at home, in every area of life—the holidays can feel like one more arena where you need to excel.

The perfect gift. The thoughtful card. The beautifully wrapped presents. The home that looks like a magazine. The ability to host, travel, attend, and still show up at work like nothing is different.

If this sounds familiar, you might also relate to why high achievers often struggle more than people realize. The drive that makes you successful in your career can make it really hard to slow down—even when your body and mind are begging you to.

As we head into the new year, I'd encourage you to ask yourself: What would it look like to enter January without being completely depleted? What if you arrived at New Year's Day with something left in the tank?

That might mean doing less now. And that's okay.

For Everyone: A Few Things to Remember

Your feelings are valid. You can love the holidays and also find them hard. You can feel grateful and exhausted at the same time. You can want to see family and also dread it. All of these things can be true at once.

It's okay to do things differently. Just because your family has always done something a certain way doesn't mean you have to keep doing it. Traditions should serve you, not drain you.

The 'highlight reel' isn't real. Social media is full of perfect menorahs and stunning Christmas trees and families who look like they're having the time of their lives. Remember that you're seeing curated moments, not the full picture.

January is coming. If you're just trying to survive right now, that's okay. The quiet of January will come. And if you realize this season that you need more support—for yourself or someone in your family—that's a perfectly good time to reach out.

When It's More Than Just Holiday Stress

Sometimes the holidays reveal something that's been simmering under the surface all year. The anxiety that's been manageable suddenly isn't. The tension that's been ignorable becomes impossible to avoid. The exhaustion that you've been pushing through finally catches up.

If that's you—or someone in your family—therapy can help.

At Aspire Counseling, we work with the whole family—kids, teens, and adults. We have therapists who specialize in child anxiety, teen counseling, anxiety treatment for adults, and chronic pain therapy. We offer appointments at our Lee's Summit and Columbia offices, as well as online therapy throughout Missouri.

You don't have to wait until January. But if you do, we'll be here.

Wishing you and your family a holiday season with more peace than pressure—and more real moments than perfect ones.

Call: 573-328-2288

Or: Fill out our online contact form to schedule a free consultation

About the Author

Jessica Oliver, LCSW, is the founder and Clinical Director of Aspire Counseling, with offices in Lee's Summit and Columbia, Missouri. She founded the practice in 2017 and has built a team of therapists who specialize in anxiety, trauma, chronic pain, and helping families navigate hard seasons—including the holiday kind.